by Terry Gilliam; Toy
Grisoni
book by Hunter S. Thompson
------------------------------------------------------------------
BLACK SCREEN
A desert wind moans sadly. From
somewhere within the wind
comes the tinkly, syrupy-sweet
sounds of the Lennon Sisters
singing "My Favorite Things." A
series of sepia images of
anti-war protests from the
mid-sixties appear one after
another on the screen.
In the violently scrawled style of Ralph
Steadman, the title
FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS splashes
onto the screen. A
beat, and then it runs down and off
revealing:
TITLE: "He who makes a beast of
himself
Gets rid of the pain
Of being a man."
Dr.
Johnson
The VOICE OF HUNTER S. THOMPSON --
a.k.a. RAOUL DUKE:
DUKE (V/O)
We were somewhere around
Barstow on
the edge of the desert when the
drugs began to
take hold.
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
A red Chevy convertible -- THE RED SHARK
-- wipes the black
screen.
EXT. ON THE ROAD TO LAS VEGAS - DAY
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
THE RED SHARK races down the desert
highway at a hundred
miles an hour. THE STONES' "Sympathy For
the Devil" blares.
AT THE WHEEL
STRANGELY STILL AND TENSE, RAOUL DUKE
DRIVES -- SKELETAL,
BEER IN HAND -- STARES STRAIGHT
AHEAD.
BESIDE HIM, FACE TURNED TO THE SUN, EYES
CLOSED BEHIND
WRAPAROUND SPANISH SUNGLASSES, IS HIS SWARTHY
AND UNNERVINGLY
UNPREDICTABLE ATTORNEY, DR. GONZO.
The music pounds DUKE stares straight
ahead. GONZO froths
up a can of beer - uses it as shaving
foam.
DUKE (V/O)
I remember saying
something like:
"I feel a bit lightheaded. Maybe
you
should drive..."
GONZO starts shaving.
2.
DUKE (V/O)
Suddenly there was a
terrible roar
all around us and the sky was full
of what
looked like huge bats, all
swooping and screeching and
diving
around the car...
Close on DUKE -- shadows flutter across
his face. The
reflections of bats swirl within his eyes. We
push in close
to one eye ball -- SCREECHING SWIRLING BAT-LIKE
SHAPES!
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
DUKE (V/O)
... and a voice was
screaming: Holy
Jesus! What are these goddamn
animals?
CUT TO WIDE SHOT OF CAR -
DUKE, eyes rigid, flails at the air. No
bats anywhere.
GONZO casually looks over...
GONZO
What are you yelling about?
DUCK SCREECHES to the side of the road.
The sudden wrench
makes GONZO nick his face with his
razor.
DUKE
Never mind. It's your turn to
drive.
DUKE (V/O)
No point mentioning these
bats. I
thought. The poor bastard will see
them soon
enough.
DUKE hops out of the car, keeping an eye
out for bats,
frantically opens the trunk to reveal what
looks like A
MOBILE POLICE NARCOTICS LAB. DUKE desperately
rifles
through the impressive stash.
DUKE (V/O)
We had two bags of grass,
seventy-
five pellets of mescaline, five
sheets of high
powered blotter
acid, a salt shaker half full of
cocaine,
a whole galaxy of multi-
colored uppers, downers,
screamers,
laughers... Also a quart of tequila,
a quart of
rum, a case of beer, a
pint of raw ether and two
dozen
amyls.
3.
DUKE, eyes darting madly as he hears
what sounds like the
SHRIEKS OF BATS returning, grabs an
assortment along with
another six-pack of beer - slams the
trunk shut and dives
back into the car.
DUKE (V/O)
Not that we needed all
that for the
trip, but once you get locked into
a serious
drug collection, the
tendency is to push it as far as
you
can.
THE RED SHARK RACES INTO THE DISTANCE...
on the ground,
weakly flapping is a SEMI-SQUASHED, SLOWLY
DYING ANIMAL... A
BAT?
EXT. FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD TO LAS VEGAS
- DAY
IN THE RED SHARK
GONZO grips the wheel - stares
maniacally down the road - a
lousy driver.
DUKE (V/O)
The only thing that really
worried
me was the ether. There is nothing
in the world
more helpless and
irresponsible and depraved than a
man in
the depths of an ether binge.
And I knew we'd get into
that
rotten stuff pretty soon.
The radio news wars with "SYMPATHY FOR
THE DEVIL" on a tape
recorder.
RADIO NEWS
An overdose of heroin was
listed as
the official cause of death for
pretty 19 year
old Diane Hanby
whose body was found stuffed in
a
refrigerator last week...
GONZO changes the station - "ONE TOKE
OVER THE LINE, SWEET
JESUS, ONE TOKE OVER THE LINE" vies with
"SYMPATHY"... He
sings along - washes a couple of pills back
with a new beer.
The RED SHARK fishtails.
GONZO
"One toke over the line,
sweet
Jesus."
4.
DUKE
(muttering to
himself)
One toke. You poor fool. Wait
till you see those
goddamn bats.
UP AHEAD - AT THE SIDE OF THE DESERTED
ROAD
A LONE HITCHHIKER spots them, jumps up
and sticks out a
thumb. The RED SHARK roars past. Then, fifty
yards down
the road...
GONZO
Let's give that boy a lift.
GONZO wrenches the wheel - THE RED SHARK
swerves to the side
of the road.
DUKE
We can't stop here - this is
bat
country!
GONZO JAMS THE CAR INTO REVERSE AND
ROCKETS BACKWARDS. The
HITCHHIKER races to the car. A poor
OKIE KID with a big grin.
HITCHHIKER
Hot damn! I never rode in
a
convertible before!
Then the big grin freezes on the OKIE
KID's face at the
sight of: DUKE and GONZO looking out at him
with HYPER-
NORMAL, shit-eating SMILES.
DUKE
Is that right? Well, I
guess
you're about ready, eh?
The HITCHHIKER hesitates.
GONZO
We're your friends. We're not
like
the others.
DUKE
(hissing sharply)
No more of
that talk or I'll put
the leeches on you.
DUKE turns back to the HITCHHIKER -
smiles reassuringly.
EXT. EVEN FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD TO LAS
VEGAS - DAY
The HITCHHIKER sits nervously in the
back seat as the RED
SHARK screams down the road.
5.
GONZO sings along to the tape
player.
The HITCHHIKER's eyes go to the door -
considers jumping out
and taking his chances.
DUKE, sweating bullets, STARES AT THE
HITCHHIKER in the rear
view mirror.
DUKE (V/O)
How long could we
maintain, I
wondered. How long before one of
us starts
raving and jabbering at
this boy? What will he think
then?
This same lonely desert was the
last known home of
the Manson family.
The HITCHHIKER's eyes notice a thin line
of blood trickling
down GONZO's neck.
DUKE (V/O)
Would he make that grim
connection
when my attorney starts screaming
about bats
and huge manta rays
coming down on the car?
DUKE's mouth moves intermittently -
sometimes in sync with
the words, sometimes not.
DUKE (V/O)
If so - well, we'll just
have to
cut his head off and bury him
somewhere. Because
it goes without
saying that we can't turn him loose.
He'd
report us at once to some kind
of outback Nazi law
enforcement
agency, and they'll run us down
like
dogs...
DUKE
(out loud to himself)
Jesus!
Did I say that?
DUKE (V/O)
Or just think it? Was I
talking?
Did they hear me?
GONZO
(reassuringly to
HITCHHIKER)
It's okay. He's admiring the shape
of your
skull.
DUKE gives the HITCHHIKER a FINE BIG
GRIN and the HITCHHIKER
giggles nervously.
6.
DUKE (V/O)
Maybe I better have a
chat with
this boy I thought. Perhaps if I
explain things,
he'll rest easy...
DUKE
(roaring over the
road
noise)
THERE'S ONE THING YOU SHOULD
PROBABLY UNDERSTAND
--
The HITCHHIKER stares at him, not
blinking.
DUKE
(yells)
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
The HITCHHIKER nods -- giggles --
terrified. DUKE climbs
into the back seat.
DUKE
That's good. Because I want you
to
have all the background. This is a
very ominous
assignment -- with
overtones of extreme personal
danger.
I'm a Doctor of Journalism!
This is important, goddamnit!
This
is a true story!...
(WHACKS the BACK OF
THE
DRIVER'S SEAT
with his fist)
The CAR SWERVES SICKENINGLY, then
straightens out.
GONZO
(screams)
Keep your hands
off my fucking neck!
The HITCHHIKER makes a sudden lunge for
freedom. DUKE GRABS
HIM BACK DOWN.
DUKE (V/O)
Our vibrations were
getting nasty --
but why? Was there no communication
in
this car? Had we deteriorated
to the level of dumb
beasts?
The HITCHHIKER STRUGGLES IN PANIC.
7.
DUKE
(to HITCHHIKER)
I want you to understand that
this
man at the wheel is my attorney!
He's not just some
dingbat I found
on the Strip. He's a foreigner. I
think
he's probably Samoan. But it
doesn't matter, does it? Are
you
prejudiced?
HITCHHIKER
Hell, no!
DUKE
I didn't think so. Because
in
spite of his race, this man is
extremely valuable to
me. Hell, I
forgot all about this beer. You
want
one?
(HITCHHIKER shakes
his head)
How about some
ether?
HITCHHIKER
What?
DUKE
Never mind. Let's get right to
the
heart of this thing. Twenty-four
hours ago we were
sitting in the
Pogo Lounge of the Beverly
Wills
Hotel...
INT. THE BEVERLY WILLS HOTEL POGO LOUNGE
1971 - DAY
A uniformed DWARF, carries a shockingly
PINK TELEPHONE
through the glittering, tranquil POGO LOUNGE
CROWD. They
are the ELOI. HENDRIX AFROS and DROOPING
MUSTACHES and BELL
BOTTOMS and LOVE BEADS and BELLS.
ACTRESSES sip Singapore
Slings and PROMOTERS sip ACTRESSES in
this MONIED, SANITISED
VERSION OF THE GREAT REVOLUTION
YEARS.
DUKE (V/O)
... in the patio section,
of
course, drinking Singapore Slings
with mescal on the
side, hiding
from the brutish realities of this
foul year
of Our Lord, 1971.
The DWARF reaches DUKE -- T-shirt,
levis, sneakers and
shades. GONZO -- white rayon bellbottoms
and a khaki tank
top undershirt. They are in the middle of a
serious
conversation.
8.
DUKE
I'm telling you, the Salazar
story
is getting too complicated. The
weasels have started
closing in.
The DWARF sneers.
DWARF
Perhaps this is the call
you've
been waiting for all this time,
sir...
DUKE lifts the receiver --
listens...
DUKE
Uh-huh... Uh-huh...
Uh-huh...
DUKE hangs up the PHONE with the
DEAD-PAN EXPRESSION OF A
MOVIE SPY.
DWARF
That was headquarters. They
want
me to go to Las Vegas at once and
make contact with a
Portuguese
photographer named Lacerda. He'll
have the
details. All I have to do
is check into my sound proof
suite
and he'll seek me out.
GONZO, says nothing for a moment, then
POUNDS the table!
GONZO
God hell! I think I see
the
pattern! This one sounds like real
trouble! You're
going to need
plenty of legal advice before this
thing is
over. As your attorney I
must advise you that you'll need
a
very fast car with no top and after
that, the cocaine.
And then the
tape recorder, for special music,
and some
Acapulco shirts...
(GONZO tucks his
khaki undershirt
into
his white
bellbottoms -- he
means
business!)
This blows my weekend, because
naturally I'll
have to go with
you -- and we'll have to
arm
ourselves.
9.
DUKE
Why not? If a thing's worth
doing,
it's worth doing right.
DUKE and GONZO are up and off. The DWARF
chases after them
with the (very large) check in his
hand.
They sweep out through the Lounge door,
unaware of it
swinging back into the face of the pursuing
DWARF.
DUKE
I tell you, my man. This is
the
American Dream in action! We'd be
fools not to ride
this strange
torpedo all the way to the end.
GONZO
Indeed. We must do it. What
kind
of story is this?
EXT. BEVERLY WILLS HOTEL - FRONT
ENTRANCE - DAY
DUKE and GONZO emerge.
DUKE
The Mint 400! The richest
off-road
race for motorcycles and dune-
buggies in the
history of organized
sport!
(handing parking
ticket to
Valet)
-- a fantastic spectacle in honor
of some fatback
grossero who owns
the luxurious Mint Hotel in the
heart of
downtown Vegas... at least
that's what the press release
says.
Their car arrives -- rusted out, smashed
door panels. They
jump in.
DUKE
We're going to have to drum it
up
on our own. Pure Gonzo Journalism.
And they're off in a cloud of black
exhaust as the nose-
bleeding DWARF stumbles out with the
unpaid bill in his hand.
EXT. SUNSET BLVD - DAY
The PINTO races through shot.
DUKE (V/O)
Getting hold of the drugs
and
shirts had been no problem...
10.
EXT. POLYNESIAN BAR - DAY
The PINTO skids to a halt outside
Polynesian bar, the back
window full of Hawaiian shirts.
DUKE (V/O CONT'D)
... but the car and
tape recorder
were not easy things to round up at
6:30 on
a Friday afternoon in
Hollywood.
INT. POLYNESIAN BAR - DAY
TORN YELLOW PAGES with dealer's ads
ticked off lie in a pile
as GONZO yells into a PAYPHONE. DUKE
carries over four
Singapore Slings.
GONZO
O.K., O.K., yes. Hang onto
it.
We'll be there in thirty minutes.
(to DUKE -- hand
over
the PHONE)
I finally located a car with
adequate
horsepower and the proper
coloring.
(into PHONE)
What?!
OF COURSE the gentleman has
a major credit card! Do
you
realize who the fuck you're talking
to?
DUKE
Don't take any guff from
these
swine.
(GONZO slams the
phone down)
Now we
need a sound store with the
finest equipment. Nothing
dinky.
One of those new Belgian Heliowatts
with a
voice-activated shotgun
mike, for picking up
conversations
in oncoming cars.
GONZO
We won't make the nut unless
we
have unlimited credit.
DUKE
We will. You Samoans are all
the
same. You have no faith in the
essential decency of
the white
man's culture.
11.
EXT. SUNSET BLVD - DUSK
The PINTO races down street.
DUKE (V/O)
The store was closed, but
the
salesman said he would wait, if we
hurried...
EXT. SUNSET BLVD - TRAFFIC JAM -
DUSK
They're stuck in a traffic jam -- clouds
of exhaust. DUKE
BANGS ON THE HORN IN FURY.
DUKE (V/O)
But we were delayed en
route when a
Stingray in front of us killed
a
pedestrain.
Directly in front of them: BLOODY
CARNAGE -- a covered
corpse is loaded into an ambulance by
PARAMEDICS.
EXT. CAR RENTAL AGENCY - NIGHT
DUKE (V/O)
We had trouble, again, at
the car
rental agency.
Behind the wheel of the RED SHARK: DUKE
grins with
satisfaction -- checking it out. A nervous AGENT
holds out
a clipboard. DUKE signs without looking at the
rental papers.
AGENT
Say... uh... you fellas are
going
to be careful with this car, aren't
you?
DUKE
Of course.
DUKE throws the car into reverse --
roars backwards past the
gas pumps to where GONZO is
unloading their rusted out car.
AGENT
Well, good god! You just
backed
over that two foot concrete abutment
and you didn't
even slow down!
Forty-five in reverse! And you
barely
missed the pump!
DUKE
No harm done. I always test
the
transmission that way. The rear
end. For stress
factors.
12.
GONZO transfers boxes of new sound
equipment and a large box
of rum and ice into the RED
SHARK.
AGENT
Say. Are you fellows
drinking?
DUKE
Not me. We're responsible
people.
He JAMS the car into LOW GEAR and
lurches into traffic. The
AGENT runs into the street and
helplessly watches them go.
GONZO
There's another worrier.
He's
probably all cranked up on speed.
EXT. RUNDOWN BEACH HOUSE - NIGHT
STRANGE AND MAGICAL. In the moonlight:
the silhouetted
figures of DUKE and GONZO as they pack the
RED SHARK.
DUKE (V/O)
We spent the rest of that
night
rounding up materials and packing
the car. Then we
ate some mescaline
and went swimming.
The surf crashes in the distance...
EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - NIGHT
DUKE cries out as he dives into the
ocean. He lets himself
float up through the silvery
bubbles...
DUKE AND GONZO FLOAT BEATIFICALLY IN THE
GLOWING, SHIMMERING
MOONLIT SURF.
DUKE (V/O)
Our trip was different. It
was to
be a classic affirmation of
everything right and
true in the
national character; a gross,
physical salute
to the fantastic
possibilities of life in this
country.
But only for those with
true grit...
EXT. AND EVEN FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD TO
LAS VEGAS - DAY
DUKE's intense face.
DUKE
...and we're chock full of
that!
13.
GONZO
Damn right!
DUKE
My attorney understands
this
concept, despite his racial handicap.
But do
you?!
The HITCHHIKER nods -- giggles --
petrified.
DUKE (V/O)
He said he understood, but
I could
see in his eyes that he didn't. He
was lying to
me.
GONZO
My heart!
GONZO clutches his heart. The car veers
off the road and
screeches to a halt. He slumps over the
wheel.
GONZO (CONT'D)
Where's the
medicine?
DUKE
The medicine? Yes, it's right
here.
DUKE spills out 4 AMYL CAPSULES from a
tin.
DUKE
Don't worry, this man has a
bad
heart... Angina Pectoris. But we
have a cure for
it.
DUKE and GONZO break 2 AMYLS apiece --
INHALE DEEPLY. GONZO
falls back on the seat, staring straight
up at the sun. The
HITCHHIKER looks petrified.
GONZO
(suddenly flailing
his naked
arms at the sky)
Turn up the fucking music! My
heart feels
like an alligator!
Volume! Clarity! Bass! We must
have
bass! What's wrong with us?
Are you goddamn old ladies?
DUKE
(turns up music to
full
volume)
You scurvy shyster bastard! Watch
your language!
You're talking to a
Doctor of Journalism!
14.
GONZO
(laughing
uncontrollably)
What the fuck are we doing out
here?
Somebody call the police! We need
help!
DUKE
(to HITCHHIKER)
Pay no
attention to this swine. He
can't handle the medicine.
(he
begins laughing)
GONZO
(to the HITCHHIKER)
The
truth is we're going to Vegas
to croak a scag baron named
Savage
Henry. I've known him for years
but he ripped us
off -- and you
know what that means, right?
GONZO pulls out a .357 Magnum -- waves
it around.
GONZO (CONT'D)
Savage Henry has
cashed his check!
We're going to rip his lungs out!
DUKE
And eat them! That bastard
won't
get away with this! What's going
on in this country
when a scum
sucker like that can get away with
sandbagging
a Doctor of Journalism?
GONZO cracks ANOTHER AMYL.
The HITCHHIKER SCRAMBLES OUT OF THE CAR,
DOWN THE TRUNK LID,
AND FLEES.
HITCHHIKER
Thanks for the ride.
Thanks a lot.
I like you guys. Don't worry about
me.
DUKE
(yells)
Wait a minute! Come
back and have
a beer!
The HITCHHIKER RUNS from car.
15.
GONZO
Good riddance. That boy
made me
nervous. Did you see his
eyes?
(laughing)
Jesus, this is good medicine.
DUKE glances back at the running
HITCHHIKER.
DUKE
(suddenly clambering
into the
front seat)
Move over!! We have to get out of
California
before that kid finds a
cop!
DUKE GUNS THE RED SHARK -- TAKES OFF
DOWN THE ROAD...
EXT. UNBELIEVABLY FAR DOWN THE ROAD TO
LAS VEGAS - DAY
THE RED SHARK races -- DUKE at the wheel
-- straight ahead
driving.
DUKE (V/O)
It was absolutely
imperative that
we get to the Mint Hotel before
the
deadline for press registration.
Otherwise, we might
have to pay for
our suite.
GONZO wrestles with a shaker of COCAINE.
The top comes off
and the powder swirls away on the wind.
GONZO
Oh, Jesus! Did you see what
god
just did to us?
DUKE
God didn't do that! You did
it!
You're a fucking narcotics agent,
that was our
cocaine, you pig!
GONZO
(waving his .357
Magnum at
Duke)
You better be careful. Plenty of
vultures out here.
They'll pick
your bones clean before morning.
DUKE
You whore!
GONZO tears up a BLOTTER OF ACID.
16.
GONZO
Here -- chew this. It's
your half
of the acid.
DUKE takes his half -- chews it.
DUKE
How long do I have?
GONZO
Maybe thirty more minutes. As
your
attorney, I advise you to drive at
top speed. It'll
be a goddamn
miracle if we can get there before
you turn
into a wild animal. Are
you ready for that? Checking
into
a Vegas hotel under a phony name
with intent to
commit capital fraud
and a head full of acid.
DUKE (V/O)
Thirty minutes. It was
going to be
very close.
The RED SHARK screams along the highway
past a billboard:
"DON'T GAMBLE WITH MARIJUANA! \ IN NEVADA:
POSSESSION - 20
YEARS; SALE - LIFE!!"
EXT. LAS VEGAS MINT HOTEL - DUSK
The RED SHARK pulls up outside the MINT.
A great banner
spanning the street announces the MINT
400.
DUKE can feel the drug surging up inside
him. Clutching a
buckled beer can, sweat pouring, he stares
fixedly at the
TICKET the ATTENDANT gives him.
DUKE
I need this, right?
ATTENDANT
I'll remember your
face.
DUKE stares -- losing it...
DUKE (V/O)
There is no way of
explaining the
terror I felt.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY - DAY
DUKE waits in line at the front desk --
RIGID WITH PENT UP
ENERGY. GONZO's ahead of him -- muscling
in -- trying to
queue jump and failing.
17.
DUKE (V/O)
I was pouring sweat.
My blood is
too thick for Nevada. I've never
been able to
properly explain
myself in this climate.
A COUPLE move off and DUKE jerks forward
-- stops -- eyes
fixed on the stony FEMALE RESERVATIONS
CLERK.
DUKE (V/O CONT'D)
Be quiet, be
calm... name, rank,
and press affiliation,
nothing
else...
DUKE moves ANOTHER RIGID STEP CLOSER to
the desk -- the
tension almost snapping him in two. GONZO's
FLAPPING
AROUND -- absolutely no success.
Something catches DUKE's eye... He
REMAINS ROOTED -- his
eyes turning to the VEGETAL PAISLEY
PATTERNS ON THE CARPET
WHICH ARE SHIFTING -- UNDULATING. THE
CARPET PATTERNS ARE
INEXORABLY CREEPING UP THE WALLS...
DUKE (V/O CONT'D)
...ignore this
terrible drug,
pretend it's not happening...
The LAST PEOPLE leave -- with A FINAL,
STIFF MOVE, DUKE
comes face to face with the RESERVATIONS
CLERK... AND
EXPLODES!
DUKE
HI THERE. MY NAME... AH,
RAOUL
DUKE... ON... ON THAT LIST, THAT'S
FOR SURE. FREE
LUNCH, FINAL
WISDOM, TOTAL COVERAGE... WHY NOT?
I HAVE MY
ATTORNEY WITH ME, AND I
REALIZE OF COURSE...
As DUKE stares at her, BABBLING, her
FACE BEGINS TO MORPH.
He tries to stop it happening by
TALKING FASTER.
DUKE
... THAT HIS NAME IS NOT ON
THE
LIST, BUT WE MUST HAVE THAT SUITE.
YES. JUST CHECK THE
LIST AND
YOU'LL SEE. DON'T WORRY. WHAT'S
THE SCORE HERE?
WHAT'S NEXT?
DUKE sags -- grips the desk -- WHITE
KNUCKLES.
18.
RESERVATIONS CLERK
(hands him an
envelope)
Your suite's not ready yet. But
there's somebody
looking for you.
Her face is CHANGING -- SWELLING --
PULSING...
DUKE
(shouts)
NO! WHY? WE HAVEN'T
DONE ANYTHING
YET!
The FACE OF THE RESERVATIONS CLERK TURNS
GREEN & GROWS FANGS.
DEADLY POISON! DUKE LUNGES BACK at
GONZO, who GRIPS his arm
intensely -- REACHES OUT to take the
ENVELOPE.
GONZO
I can handle this. This man has
a
bad heart, but I have plenty of
medicine. My name is Dr.
Gonzo.
Prepare our suite at once. We'll
be in the bar.
GONZO manoeuvres DUKE away from the
desk. DUKE looks
back -- the RESERVATIONS CLERKS is now a
MORAY EEL -- green
jowls and fangs.
INT. NAUTICAL BAR - DAY
The bar -- OILY PEOPLE -- quiet music --
nautical theme.
DUKE and GONZO at the bar, a marlin spike
hanging on the
wall behind them. DUKE has turned to
stone...
GONZO
(to the bartender)
Two Cuba
Libres with beer and
mescal on the side.
(opens the
envelope)
Who's Lacerda, he's waiting for us
in a room on
the twelfth floor?
DUKE
Lacerda?
DUKE (V/O)
I couldn't remember. The
name rang
a bell, but I couldn't concentrate.
Terrible
things were happening all
around us...
DUKE is staring -- RAPT -- TERRIFIED.
BLOOD FLOWS FREELY
onto the floor. DUKE keeps his voice
low.
19.
DUKE
Order some golf shoes.
Otherwise,
we'll never get out of this place
alive. It's
impossible to walk in
this muck -- no footing at all...
DUKE looks up -- GONZO has
disappeared.
DUKE looks around him -- the entire room
has TRANSFORMED
into a ROOM FILLED WITH REPTILES IN CLOTHES,
DRINKING AND
GNAWING AT ONE ANOTHER.
DUKE (V/O)
I was right in the middle
of a
fucking reptile zoo. And somebody
was giving booze to
these goddamn
things! It won't be long before
they tear us
to shreds!
GONZO IS SUDDENLY BACK -- AT DUKE'S
SHOULDER.
GONZO
If you think we're in trouble
now
wait until you see what's happening
in the
elevators.
GONZO removes his sunshades and we see
he's been crying...
as he speaks he seems to be floating.
Duke struggles to
keep him in his line of vision.
GONZO
I just went upstairs to see
this
man Lacerda. I told him I knew
what he was up
to...
(GONZO rallies --
turns fierce)
He says he's a
photographer! But
when I mentioned Savage Henry
he
freaked! He knows we're onto him!
DUKE
But what about our room? And
the
golf shoes?
A GROUP OF REPTILES AT A TABLE ACROSS
THE ROOM stares at
them, BLOOD DRIPPING FROM THEIR FANGS.
DUKE (CONT'D)
(grabbing
GONZO
trying to hold him still)
Holy shit! Look at that
bunch over
there! They've spotted us!
20.
Cut to wider shot -- DUKE is holding
on to a man standing
next to him at the bar. The room has
returned to normality.
GONZO is sitting in his original
position.
GONZO
(downs his drink --
gets
up)
That's the press table. Where you
have to sign in for
our credentials.
Shit, let's get it over with. You
handle
that, and I'll check on the
room.
DUKE
No, no. Don't leave me!
Black screen.
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - DUSK
A TELEVISION shows the NIGHTLY NEWS. A
BUDDHIST MONK,
protesting the war, sets himself on fire. A
very nervous
BELL BOY is laying out GONZO's order. A marlin
spike is on
the floor next to DUKE.
BELL BOY
Four club sandwiches, four
shrimp
cocktails.
DUKE
There's a big... machine in
the
sky... some kind of electric snake...
DUKE is curled by the window --
MESMERIZED by an unseen neon
sign outside the window. His
eyes fill with a million
colored lights.
BELL BOY
... a quart of rum...
DUKE
... coming straight at us.
GONZO
Shoot it.
DUKE
Not yet. I want to study its
habits.
BELL BOY
... and nine fresh
grapefruit.
21.
GONZO
Vitamin C. We'll need all
we can
get.
GONZO sees the BELL BOY out the door --
turns and lays into
DUKE.
GONZO
Look, you've got to stop this
talk
about snakes and leeches and
lizards and that stuff.
It's
making me sick!
DUKE stares -- hears the drone of B52
BOMBERS...
On TV: The LAOS INVASION -- A SERIES OF
HORRIFYING
DISASTERS -- EXPLOSIONS AND TWISTED WRECKAGE.
Newsreel footage of MAI LAI MASSACRE and
the LIEUTENANT
CALLEY court-martial.
DUKE
What are you talking about?
GONZO
You bastard! They'll never let
us
back in that place. I leave you
alone for three minutes
and you
start waving that goddamn marlin
spike around --
yelling about
reptiles! You scared the shit out
of those
people! They were ready
to call the cops. Hell, the
only
reason they gave us press passes
was to get you out
of there...
A knock at the door. DUKE and GONZO
break out in a sweat.
DUKE
Oh my God! Who's that?!
GONZO STICKS HIS GUN IN HIS WAISTBAND --
opens the door to
LACERDA -- BOUNCING WITH PUPPY DOG
ENTHUSIASM. GONZO stares
at a man he instantly hates --
watches him with deep
suspicion.
LACERDA
Duke? I'm Lacerda your
photographer.
Got your press passes? Good, good.
Too bad
you missed the bikes
checking in. My, what a sight!
DUKE watches the B-52S DROP THEIR BOMB
LOADS.
22.
Looking down to the thick, patterned
carpet, DUKE sees the
BOMBS EXPLODE like vicious flowers.
DUKE looks up: LACERDA is a war
photographer -- bruised,
filthy and blood spattered. LACERDA
approaches him --
talking a foreign language.
LACERDA
Husquavarnas. Yamahas.
Kawaskis.
Maicos. Pursang. Swedish Fireballs.
Couple of
Triumphs, here and there
a CZ. All very fast. What a
race
it's gonna be.
DUKE screws up his eyes -- WILLS
NORMALITY BACK. LACERDA is
now just a keen photographer.L
LACERDA
Well, we start at dawn. Get a
good
night's sleep. I know I will.
And with a cheerful wave, he's gone.
DUKE is in shock.
DUKE
(weakly)
That's good...
GONZO
I think he's lying to us. I
could
see it in his eyes.
DUKE
(even weaker)
They'll
probably have a big net for
us when we show up.
DUKE's attention returns to the
devastation on the TV...
GONZO
Turn that shit off!
GONZO kills the TV.
Black screen.
DUKE (V/O)
Never lose sight of the
primary
responsibility. Cover the story.
But what was the
story? Nobody had
bothered to say.
23.
EXT. DESERT - DAWN
Against A BIG ORANGE SUN, on a concrete
slab, MEN FIRE
SHOTGUNS into the dawn sky. Clay pigeons
shatter. The Mint
Gun Club.
Next to them, MOTORCYCLES REV --
preparing for the MINT 400
RACE: A hundred BIKERS, MECHANICS
and assorted MOTORSPORT
TYPES milling around in the pit area;
taping headlights,
topping off oil in the forks, last minute
bolt tightening.
DUKE wanders through.
DUKE (V/O)
The racers were ready at
dawn.
Very tense. But the race didn't
start until nine so
we had three
long hours to kill.
A sign by a long trestle table: "KOFFEE
& DONUTS." DUKE
walks past -- ignoring the SMILING LADY
behind the stall.
DUKE (V/O CONT'D)
Those of us who had
been up all
night were in no mood for coffee
and donuts.
We wanted strong drink.
We were, after all, the
Absolute
Cream of the National Sporting
Press and we were
gathered here, in
Las Vegas, for a very
special
assignment. And when it comes to
things like this
you don't fool
around.
INT. RACE BAR TENT - DAY
A real pit of iniquity. Slot Machines.
Crap tables. Smoke.
Drunken shouting. The absolute cream of
the NATIONAL
SPORTING PRESS.
DUKE is at the bar, engaged in drunken
conversation with a
LIFE REPORTER...showing him his
notebook.
DUKE
See..."Kill the body and the
head
will die"... the Frazier/Ali fight...
MAGAZINE REPORTER
A proper end to the
60's... Ali
beaten by a human hamburger!
DUKE
And both Kennedy's murdered
by
mutants.
24.
A SHOUT goes up from outside. The
sound of engines revving.
REPORTER
That's it! They're
starting!
In a sudden rush the PRESS CROWD make
for the door taking
DUKE with them.
EXT. DESERT - DAY
MOTORCYCLES REV -- tension builds...
A flag goes down. The CROWD cheers. The
MOTORCYCLES ROAR
AWAY. A great cloud of dust goes up --
obscuring the RACERS
as they disappear into the desert...
A moment...
REPORTER
Well, that's that. They'll
be back
in an hour or so. Let's go back to
the bar.
The CROWD turns and streams back into
the tent.
INT. RACE BAR TENT - DAY
DUKE heads for the bar along with the
REST. It's packed.
Drinks are ordered.
A shout from outside the tent goes
up:
VOICE OFF
Group 2!
The CROWD rushes for the door. DUKE gets
swept along.
EXT. DESERT - DAY
MOTORCYCLES REV. A flag goes down. The
CROWD cheers. The
MOTORCYCLES ROAR AWAY. Another great cloud
of dust goes up...
The CROWD head back for the bar.
INT. RACE BAR TENT - DAY
The CROWD surge back to the bar.
VOICE OFF
Group 3!
This time DUKE fights his way free of
the CROWD.
25.
DUKE (V/O)
There was something
like 190 more
bikes waiting to start. They were
due to go
off 10 at a time every 2
minutes.
DUKE hits the bar.
DUKE
Beer!
A middle-aged HOODLUM in a T-shirt booms
up to the bar.
HOODLUM
God damn! What day is this
--
Saturday?
DUKE
More like Sunday.
HOODLUM
Hah! That's a bitch, ain't
it?
Last night I was home in Long Beach
and somebody said
they were runnin'
the Mint 400 today, so I says to my
old
lady, "Man, I'm goin'." So she
gives me a lot of crap about
it, so
I start slappin' her around, and
the next thing you
know two guys I
never seen before are beating
me
stupid.
VOICE OFF
Group 4!
Outside, another batch of motorcycles
roar away -- kicking
up more clouds of dust.
HOODLUM
Then they gave me ten bucks,
put me
on a bus, and when I woke up here I
was in downtown
Vegas, and for a
minute all I could think was, "O
Jesus,
who's divorcing me this
time?" But then I remembered,
by
God! I was here for the Mint 400.
And, man, I tell you,
it's wonderful
to be here. Just wonderful to be
here with
you people.
A silence. A MAGAZINE REPORTER lunges
across the bar --
grabs the BARTENDER.
26.
MAGAZINE REPORTER
Senzaman
wassyneeds!
DUKE
(smacks the bar with
his
palm)
Hell yes! Bring us ten!
VOICE OFF
Group 5!
MAGAZINE REPORTER
(screams)
I'll
back it!
(slides off his stool
to the floor)
Outside, motorcycles roar away. The
dust cloud billows into
the tent -- getting denser.
MAGAZINE REPORTER (CONT'D)
(on the
floor)
This is a magic moment in sport!
It may never come
again! I once
did the Triple Crown, but it was
nothing
like this.
A FROG-EYED WOMAN claws at the MAGAZINE
REPORTER, tries to
haul him up.
FROG-EYED WOMAN
Please stand up!
You're a
correspondent for a major national
magazine who's
name we can't get
clearance for! Please! You'd be a
very
handsome man if you'd just
stand up!
MAGAZINE REPORTER
Listen, madam. I'm
damn near
intolerably handsome down here
where I am. You'd
go crazy if I
stood up!
A feverishly eager LACERDA appears out
of the dust cloud, 3
cameras slung round his neck.
LACERDA
Club soda, please.
FROG-EYED WOMAN
(to MAGAZINE
REPORTER)
Please! I love Life!
27.
LACERDA
(to DUKE)
Man, it's
great out there!
DUKE
Lunatics.
LACERDA grins.
VOICE OFF
Group 6!
LACERDA
Meet you outside!
LACERDA downs his drink -- hurries out
through the crowd and
out into the cloud of dust.
EXT. DESERT - DAY
Nothing. Except for a THICK CLOUD OF
DUST.
Barely visible, a motorcycle comes
speeding into the pits.
The RIDER staggers off his bike. The
PIT CREW gas it up and
sends it back with a FRESH RIDER.
DUKE watches him disappear back into the
dust cloud.
DUKE (V/O)
By 10 they were spread out
all over
the course. It was no longer a
race, now it was
an Endurance
Contest. The idea of trying to
"cover this
race" in any
conventional press sense was absurd.
A HORN HONKS. A shiny BLACK BRONCO with
DRIVER. LACERDA
hangs out of the window.
LACERDA
It's great, isn't it?! Jump
in!
DUKE gets into the Bronco and they head
into the DUST CLOUD.
EXT. DESERT - DAY
IN THE BRONCO.
DUKE hangs on with his beer. Nothing all
around but the
HUGE IMPENETRABLE CLOUD OF DUST. LACERDA snaps
madly away
at nothing at all!
28.
LACERDA
I'll just keep trying
different
combos of film and lenses till I
find one that
works in this dust!
The SOUND OF MOTORCYCLES RACING...
We hear music and voices singing:
BATTLE HYMN
"...As we go marching
on
When I reach my final campground,
in
that land
beyond the sun,
And the Great Commander asks me..."
[What
did he ask you, Rusty?]
"Did you fight or did you run?"
A moment later, the Bronco races out of
the dust. DUKE
coughs, chokes, drinks beer.
BATTLE HYMN
(continuing)
[And what
did you tell them,
Rusty?]
"We responded to their rifle
fire
with everything we had..."
The sound of gun shots...
A DUNE BUGGY races toward them, loaded
down with THREE
RETIRED PETTY OFFICERS, DRUNK AS HELL. The
radio blares:
"THE BATTLE HYMN OF LIEUTENANT CALLEY."
The dune buggy is COVERED WITH OMINOUS
SYMBOLS: SCREAMING
EAGLES CARRYING AMERICAN FLAGS IN THEIR
CLAWS. A slant-eyed
Snake being chopped to bits by a buzz-saw
made of stars and
stripes. A MACHINE GUN MOUNT on the
passenger side. They
yell over the roaring engines.
DUNE BUGGY DRIVER
Where's the damn
race?
DUKE
Beats me. We're just good
patriotic
Americans like yourself.
DUKE gives DUNE BUGGY PASSENGER #2 A
NICE BIG GRIN. In
response, the PASSENGER #2 narrows his eyes
-- tightens his
grip on an automatic weapon.
DUNE BUGGY
DRIVER
(suspiciously)
What outfit you fellas with?
29.
DUKE
The sporting press.
We're
friendlies. Hired geeks.
The DRIVER and DUNE BUGGY PASSENGER #2
exchange looks.
DUKE
If you want a good chase,
you
should get after that skunk from
CBS News up ahead in
the black jeep.
He's the man responsible for that
book,
THE SELLING OF THE PENTAGON.
DUNE BUGGY PASSENGER #1
HOT DAMN!
DUNE BUGGY PASSENGER #2
A black jeep,
you say?
And they ROAR away.
DUKE
Take me back to the pits.
LACERDA
No, no -- we have to go on.
We
need total coverage.
DUKE gets out of the Bronco.
DUKE
You're fired.
After a moment's hesitation, LACERDA and
the BRONCO driver
roar away leaving DUKE alone in the cloud
of dust.
DUKE (V/O)
It was time. I felt, for
an
Agonizing Reappraisal of the whole
scene. The race was
definitely
under way. I had witnessed the
start; I was
sure of that much.
But what now?
EXT. LAS VEGAS STREETS - NIGHT
MUSIC PUMPS OUT. CRUISING IN THE RED
SHARK IN VEGAS. THE
SKY SWIRLS WITH MILLIONS OF NEON LIGHTS
CHASING EACH OTHER
IN BAROQUE PATTERNS ACROSS GIGANTIC HOTEL
SIGNS. PSYCHEDELIC
LIGHT SHOWS TO LURE AND DERANGE THE
INNOCENT. CITY OF LOST
SOULS.
30.
DUKE
Turn up the radio! Turn up
the
tape machine! Roll the windows
down. Let's taste this
cool desert
wind! Aaah, yes! This is what
it's all
about!
DUKE, beer in hand, drives -- a big
smile for the world.
GONZO scans The Vegas Visitor.
DUKE (V/O)
Total control now. Tooling
along
the main drag on a Saturday night
in Vegas, two good
old boys in a
fire apple red convertible...
stoned,
ripped, twisted... Good
people!
GONZO
How about "Nickel Nick's
Slot
Arcade?" "Hot Slots," that sounds
heavy. Twenty-nine
cent hotdogs...
DUKE
Look, what are we doing here?
Are
we here to entertain ourselves, or
to do the job?
GONZO
To do the job, of course. Here
we
go... a Crab Louie and quart of
muscatel for twenty
dollars!
The Shark hits a bump.
GONZO
As your attorney I advise you
to
drive over to the Tropicana and
pick up on Guy
Lombardo. He's in
the Blue Room with his
Royal
Canadians.
They hit another bump.
DUKE
Why?
GONZO
Why what?
CUT to wide shot. They are DRIVING
AROUND IN CIRCLES in a
large casino parking lot, bumping over
the dividers.
31.
DUKE
Why should I pay out my
hard-earned
dollars to watch a fucking corpse.
I don't
know about you, but in my
line of business it's important
to
be Hep.
EXT. DESERT ROOM HOTEL - NIGHT
TWO BIG SCREAMING FACES.
DOORMAN #1
What the hell are you
doing?!
DOORMAN #2
You can't park here!
DUKE
Why not? Is this not a
reasonable
place to park?
Reveal the RED SHARK parked on the
sidewalk in front of the
Desert Inn. TWO DOORMEN loom over
the car hood. The
MARQUEE says: TONIGHT. DEBBIE REYNOLDS.
GONZO leaps from the car, waving a
five-dollar bill at the
DOORMAN.
GONZO
We want this car parked! We
drove
all the way from L.A. for this show.
We're friends
of Debbie's.
A pause, then... the DOORMAN pockets the
bill, hands them a
parking stub. DUKE and GONZO hurry into
the hotel.
INT. DESERT FROM HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT
DUKE and GONZO walk through the lobby.
Black, mirrored,
sleek, classy.
DUKE
Holy shit! They almost had
us
there! That was quick thinking.
GONZO
What do you expect? I'm
your
attorney. You owe me five bucks.
I want it now.
DUKE shrugs and hands over the $5.
32.
DUKE (V/O)
This was Bob Hope's
turf. Frank
Sinatra's. Spiro Agnew's. It
seemed
inappropriate to be haggling
about nickel/dime bribes for
the
parking lot attendant.
A WINE-COLORED TUXEDO stops them at the
entrance to the
ballroom.
WINE-COLORED TUXEDO
Sorry, full
house.
GONZO
Goddamnit, we drove all the
way
from L.A.
WINE-COLORED TUXEDO
I said there are
no seats left...
at any price.
GONZO
Fuck seats! We're old friends
of
Debbie's. I used to romp with her.
GONZO and the WINE-COLORED TUXEDO get
into an ugly arm-
waving negotiation.
DUKE (V/O)
After a lot of bad noise,
he let us
in for nothing provided we would
stand quietly
at the back and not
smoke.
As DUKE and GONZO disappear through the
door we can hear the
orchestra blasting out a HIGHLY
BLANDIZED "SGT. PEPPER'S
LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND."
A beat.
The door flies open and BOUNCERS
manhandle DUKE and GONZO
out. Despite the rough treatment
they're both SCREECHING
WITH LAUGHTER.
GONZO
Jesus creeping shit!
DUKE
(tears streaming)
Did the
mescaline just kick in? Or
was that Debbie Reynolds in
a
silver Afro wig?!
33.
GONZO
(in hysteria)
We
wandered into a fucking time
capsule!
EXT. LAS VEGAS STREETS - NIGHT
DUKE DRIVES FAST into the night. They're
both LAUGHING
HYSTERICALLY.
DUKE
(in hysteria)
We wandered
into a fucking time
capsule!
THEN... GONZO finds a TINY TEAR IN HIS
JACKET...
GONZO
What's this?...
GONZO is instantly MOROSE.
GONZO
That scum...
GONZO twists round in the car -- SCREAMS
back into the night.
GONZO
SCUM! I know where you live!
I'll
find you and burn down your fucking
house!
EXT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS - NIGHT
A hundred foot high neon clown: BAZOOKO
CIRCUS.
The RED SHARK pulls up beneath the
sign.
DUKE
This is the place. They'll
never
fuck with us here.
GONZO
Where's the ether? This
mescaline
isn't working.
EXT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS CASINO - NIGHT
Into the GLARING, CHASING LIGHTS of the
entrance canopy
steps DUKE in EC/U holding a KLEENEX SOAKED
IN ETHER TO HIS
NOSE.
34.
DUKE (V/O)
Ah, devil ether. It
makes you
behave like the village drunkard in
some early
Irish novel... total
loss of all basic motor
skills;
blurred vision, no balance, numb
tongue
--
(throws away kleenex)
The mind recoils in horror,
unable
to communicate with the spinal
column. Which is
interesting,
because you can actually watch
yourself
behaving in this terrible
way, but you can't control it.
DUKE and GONZO approach the entrance
with elaborate care-
taking one step at a time -- trying to
keep ahead of the drug.
DUKE (V/O)
You approach the
turnstiles and
know that when you get there, you
have to
give the man two dollars or
he won't let you inside... but
when
you get there, everything goes wrong.
THE ETHER KICKS IN:
DUKE and GONZO BOUNCE off the walls,
CRASH into OLD LADIES,
GIGGLE HELPLESSLY as they try to pay
-- HANDS FLAPPING
CRAZILY, unable to get money out of their
pockets.
DUKE (V/O)
Some angry Rotarian shoves
you and
you think: What's happening here?
What's going on?
Then you hear
yourself mumbling.
DUKE
(mumbling)
Dogs fucked the
Pope, no fault of
mine. Watch out!... Why money? My
name
is Brinks; I was born... Born?
GONZO
Get sheep over side... women
and
children to armored car... orders
from Captain
Zeep.
The ATTENDANTS indulgently escort them
through the TURNSTILES.
35.
DUKE (V/O)
Ether is the perfect
drug for Las
Vegas. In this town they love a
drunk. Fresh
meat. So they put us
through the turnstiles and turned
us
loose inside.
INT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS CASINO - NIGHT
Flames shoot up from below the casino.
Above, a HIGH WIRE
ACT with FOUR MUZZLED WOLVERINES, SIX
NYMPHET SISTERS FROM
SAN DIEGO, TWO SILVER PAINTED POLACK
BROTHERS, and THREE
KOREAN KITTENS.
The WOLVERINE chases a NYMPHET through
the air. TWO POLACKS
swing at it from opposite sides and they
are instantly
locked in a death battle.
All plummet to the nets suspended over
the GAMBLING TABLES
and SLOT MACHINES. No one looks up. The
GAMBLERS REMAIN
INTENT ON THE SPINNING ROULETTE WHEEL, THE
TURN OF THE CARD,
THE ROLL OF A DICE.
DUKE (V/O)
Bazooko Circus is what the
whole
hep world would be doing Saturday
night if the Nazis
had won the war.
This was the Sixth Reich.
Something causes DUKE to look down. A
dwarf carrying drinks
on a tray is tugging DUKE's pants leg
trying to get him to
move out of the way.
DUKE (V/O CONT'D)
A drug person can
learn to cope
with things like seeing their
dead
grandmother crawling up their leg
with a knife in her
teeth but,
nobody should be asked to handle
this trip.
GONZO and DUKE go upstairs walking past
funhouse booths.
One of them is manned by an orangutan in
costume. A
FAIRGROUND BARKER grabs DUKE.
FAIRGROUND BARKER
Stand in front of
this fantastic
machine, my friend. For just 99
cents your
likeness will appear 200
hundred feet tall on a screen
above
downtown Las Vegas.
On a TV monitor a 200 FOOT HIGH DRUNKARD
looms over the Las
Vegas skyline screaming OBSCENITIES.
36.
FAIRGROUND BARKER
99 cents more
for a voice message.
Say whatever you want, fella.
They'll
hear you, don't worry about
that. Remember, you'll be 200
feet
tall!
ANOTHER BARKER
Step right up! Shoot
the pasties
off the nipples of this ten-foot
bull-dyke and
win a cotton candy
goat!
INT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS REVOLVING
MERRY-GO-ROUND BAR - NIGHT
DUKE and GONZO sit on the revolving
platform. GONZO
stares -- glassy eyed -- coming apart.
GONZO
I hate to say this, but this
place
is getting to me. I think I'm
getting The Fear.
DUKE
Nonsense. We came here to find
the
American Dream, and now we're right
in the vortex you
want to quit.
You must realize that we've found
the Main
Nerve.
GONZO
That's what gives me The
Fear.
DUKE
Look over there. Two women
fucking
a Polar Bear.
GONZO
Please, don't tell me those
things...
Not now.
(signals the waitress
for two Wild
Turkeys)
This is my last drink. How much
money can you
lend me?
DUKE
Not much. Why?
GONZO
I have to go.
DUKE
GO?
37.
GONZO
Yes. Leave the country.
Tonight.
DUKE
Calm down. You'll be straight in
a
few hours.
GONZO
No. This is serious. One
more
hour in this town and I'll kill
somebody!
DUKE
OK. I'll lend you some
money.
Let's go outside and see how much
we have left.
GONZO
Can we make it?
DUKE
That depends on how many people
we
fuck with between here and the door.
GONZO
I want to leave fast.
DUKE
OK. Lets pay this bill and get
up
very slowly. It's going to be a
long walk.
(signals
waitress who
comes over)
GONZO
(suddenly to
waitress)
Do they pay you to screw that bear?
WAITRESS
What?
DUKE
He's just kidding.
(to
GONZO)
Come on, Doc -- lets go downstairs
and gamble.
GONZO trembles with fear -- walks to the
edge of the
turntable.
GONZO
When does this thing stop?
38.
DUKE
It won't stop. It's not ever
going
to stop.
DUKE carefully steps off the
turntable.
GONZO, eyes staring blindly ahead,
squiting in fear and
confusion, rooted to the spot, is
carried away.
DUKE
Don't move you'll come
around.
DUKE reaches out to grab GONZO, who
jumps back -- keeps
going around.
The BARTENDER narrows his eyes at
them.
DUKE steps onto the merry-go-round --
hurries round the
bar -- approaching GONZO from the blind
side and shoves
GONZO from behind. GONZO goes down with a
hellish scream.
DUKE approaches him with his hands in the
air. Smiling.
DUKE
You fell. Let's go.
GONZO refuses to move and stands tense,
fists clenched,
looking for somebody to hit...an old woman
perhaps?
DUKE (CONT'D)
OK. You stay here and
go to jail.
I'm leaving.
DUKE walks fast towards the stairs.
GONZO catches up with
him.
GONZO
Did you see that? Some
sonofabitch
kicked me in the back.
DUKE
Probably the bartender. He
wanted
to stomp you for what you said to
the waitress.
GONZO
Good God! Let's get out of
here!
Where's the elevator?
DUKE
(turning him in the
opposite
direction)
Don't go near that elevator.
That's just what
they want us to
do... trap us in a steel box and
take us
down to the basement.
39.
EXT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS CASINO -
NIGHT
DUKE and GONZO stumble out of the
entrance.
DUKE
Don't run. They'd like any
excuse
to shoot us.
GONZO
(in an extended fall)
You
drive! I think there's
something wrong with me.
INT. MINT HOTEL CORRIDOR OUTSIDE THEIR
SUITE - NIGHT
DUKE AND GONZO RUN MADLY DOWN THE
CORRIDOR... DUKE TAKING
CARE NOT TO STEP ON THE PATTERNED
PART OF THE CARPET.
GONZO STRUGGLES with the key in the
lock.
GONZO
Those bastards have changed
the
lock on us. They probably searched
the room. Jesus,
we're finished!
The door SUDDENLY SWINGS OPEN. DUKE AND
GONZO fall inside.
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT
GONZO
Bolt everything! Use all
chains!
DUKE locks the door. The suite is
crowded with ROOM SERVICE
GOODIES. DUKE turns to see GONZO
staring at two hotel room
keys. EVERYTHING STOPS.
GONZO
Where did this one come
from?
DUKE snatches a key.
DUKE
That's Lacerda's room.
GONZO smiles a slow smile...
GONZO
Yeah... I thought we might need
it...
DUKE
What for?
GONZO snatches the key back.
40.
GONZO
Let's go up there and blast
him out
of bed with the fire hose.
DUKE
No, we should leave the
poor
bastard alone. I get the feeling
that he's avoiding
us for some
reason.
GONZO
Don't kid yourself. That
Portuguese
son of a bitch is dangerous. He's
watching us
like a hawk.
DUKE
He told me he was turning in
early...
GONZO utters an anguished cry -- slaps
the wall with both
hands.
GONZO
That dirty bastard! I knew
it!
He's got hold of my woman!
DUKE
(laughing)
That little blonde
groupie with the
film crew? You think he
sodomized
her?
GONZO
That's right, laugh about it!
You
goddamn honkies are all the same!
GONZO SLASHES A GRAPEFRUIT with a HUGE
RAZOR SHARP HUNTING
KNIFE. DUKE blanches.
DUKE
Where'd you get that knife?
GONZO SLICES THE GRAPEFRUIT --
MANIACAL.
GONZO
Room service sent it up. I
wanted
something to cut the limes.
GONZO SLICES THE GRAPEFRUIT -- INTO
EIGHTHS!
DUKE
What limes?
GONZO SLICES -- SIXTEENTHS!
41.
GONZO
They didn't have any. They
don't
grow in the desert.
SLICE! SLICE! SLICE!
GONZO
That dirty toad bastard! I knew
I
should have taken him out when I
had the chance. Now he
has her.
SLICE! SLICE! SLICE! GONZO SLASHES
INSANELY!
DUKE watches -- straight-faced.
DUKE (V/O)
I remember the girl. We'd
had a
problem with her in the elevator a
few hours
earlier: my attention had
made a fool of himself.
INT. ELEVATOR - DAY (FLASHBACK)
An elevator door opens to reveal the
SMILING FACES OF
LACERDA, THE BLONDE TV REPORTER AND HER
CREW.
DUKE and GONZO stagger in.
LACERDA drops his smile. He's standing
beside the BLONDE TV
REPORTER. A trembling GONZO moonily
turns his eyes onto her.
BLONDE TV REPORTER
(to Gonzo)
You
must be a rider. What class
are you in?
GONZO
Class? What the fuck do you
mean?
BLONDE TV REPORTER
What do you ride?
We're filming
the race for a TV series -- maybe
we can use
you.
GONZO
Use me?
DUKE (V/O)
Mother of God, I thought.
Here it
comes.
GONZO is TREMBLING BADLY. There's a
moment of uncomfortable
silence.
42.
GONZO
(suddenly shouting)
I
ride the BIG ONES! The really
BIG fuckers!
GONZO shows his teeth to LACERDA. DUKE
laughs trying to
defuse the scene.
DUKE
The Vincent Black Shadow.
We're
with the Factory Team.
TV CAMERAMAN
Bullshit.
GONZO stills -- becomes dangerous --
zeros in on the TV
CAMERAMAN -- groin to groin...
GONZO
Wait a minute, pardon me lady,
but
I think there's some kind of
ignorant chicken-sucker
in this car
who needs his face cut open. You
cheap honky
faggots! Which one of
you wants to get cut?!
DEAD SILENCE.
Ding! The elevator door opens, but
nobody moves. The door
closes.
Next floor. Ding! The door opens again.
A middle-aged
couple start to get in. Change their minds. The
door closes.
INT. CORRIDOR - DAY
DUKE and GONZO run down the corridor.
GONZO LAUGHS WILDLY.
GONZO
Spooked! They were spooked!
Like
rats in a death cage!
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - DAY
DUKE and GONZO CRASH into their hotel
suite -- BOLT THE DOOR.
GONZO stops laughing.
GONZO
Goddamn. It's serious now.
That
girl understood. She fell in love
with me.
END FLASHBACK.
43.
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT
SLICE! SLICE! SLICE! GONZO with the BIG
HUNTING KNIFE --
sliced grapefruit segments everywhere.
GONZO
Let's go up there and castrate
that
fucker!
GONZO pauses -- A MAD THOUGHT -- turns
to DUKE.
GONZO
(squinting
suspiciously)
Have you made a deal with him? Did
you put
him on to her?
DUKE
(backing slowly
towards the
door)
Look you better put that blade away
and get your
head straight. I have
to put the car in the lot.
DUKE (V/O)
One of the things you
learn, after
years of dealing with drug people,
is that
you can turn your back on a
person, but never turn your back
on
a drug. Especially when it's
waving a razor-sharp
hunting knife
in your eyes.
INT. CASINO/LOBBY MINT HOTEL
The MAGAZINE REPORTER is on the
telephone.
MAGAZINE REPORTER
Las Vegas at dawn.
The racers are
still asleep, the dust is still on
the
desert, fifty thousand dollars
in prize money, slumbers
darkly in
the office safe at Del Webb's
fabulous Mint
Hotel...
DUKE walks past the REPORTER -- into THE
CASINO, THE SAD,
MEAGRE CROWDS AROUND THE CRAP TABLES. No
joy. DUKE watches.
DUKE (V/O)
Who are these people?
These faces!
Where do they come from? They look
like
caricatures of used car
dealers from Dallas.
(MORE)
44.
DUKE (V/O; CONT'D)
And, sweet
Jesus, there are a hell
of a lot of them at four-thirty
on
a Monday morning. Still humping
the American dream,
that vision of
the big winner somehow emerging
from the
last minute predawn chaos
of a stale Vegas casino.
DUKE stops at the Money Wheel, puts down
a two dollar bill
on a number, the wheel turns, he loses.
DUKE
You bastards!
DUKE (V/O)
No. Calm down. Learn to
ENJOY
losing.
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT
DUKE walks back into the room. We hear
the LOUD STRAINS OF
THREE DOG NIGHT'S "JOY TO THE WORLD."
He walks to the bathroom and opens the
door.
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE BATHROOM -
NIGHT
Submerged in green water, GONZO WALLOWS
in the steaming tub.
Soap labels and grapefruit rinds float
on the surface. A
large empty pack of Neutrogena soap lies on
the floor. The
shower is on -- the tub overflowing. THE TAPE
RECORDER
PLAYS, from where it's plugged into the razor socket
over
the sink.
DUKE turns off the shower -- notices a
HUGE HUNK OF CHEWED
UP WHITE BLOTTER.
DUKE
You ate ALL THIS ACID?
No answer.
DUKE
(turning down the volume)
You
evil son of a bitch. You
better hope there's some
Thorazine
in that bag, because if there's
not, you're in
bad trouble.
GONZO
Music! Turn it up. Put that
tape
on.
45.
DUKE
What tape?
GONZO
Jefferson Airplane. "White
Rabbit."
I want a rising sound.
DUKE
You're doomed. I'm leaving here
in
two hours and then they're going to
come up here and
beat the mortal
shit out of you with big saps.
Right there
in that tub.
GONZO
I dig my own graves. Green
water
and the White Rabbit. Put it on.
DUKE
OK. But do me one last favor,
will
you. Can you give me two hours?
That's all I ask --
just two hours
to sleep before tomorrow. I
suspect it's
going to be a very
difficult day.
He switches on the tape. "WHITE RABBIT"
begins to build.
GONZO
(coolly)
Of course, I'm your
attorney, I'll
give you all the time you need, at
my
normal rates: $45 an hour -- but
you'll be wanting a cushion,
so,
why don't you just lay one of those
$100 bills down
there beside the
radio, and fuck off?
DUKE
How about a check?
GONZO
Whatever's right.
DUKE moves the radio as far from the tub
as he can and
leaves, closing the door behind him.
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT
DUKE goes across to the sofa and crashes
-- exhausted.
Suddenly a great ripping and crashing noise in
the bathroom.
GONZO (V/O)
Help! You bastard! I need
help!
46.
DUKE JUMPS up -- crosses to the
bathroom door, muttering.
DUKE
Shit, he's killing himself!
INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT
DUKE RUSHES IN. GONZO flails -- trying
to reach the radio
with the shower curtain pole which he has
ripped from its
mounts.
GONZO
(snarling)
I want that
fucking radio!
DUKE GRABS THE RADIO.
DUKE
Don't touch it! Get back in
that
tub!
GONZO
Back the tape up. I need it
again!
Let it roll! Just as high as the
fucker can go! And
when it comes
to that fantastic note where the
rabbit
bites its own head off, I
want you to THROW THAT
FUCKING
RADIO INTO THE TUB WITH ME!
DUKE stares down at GONZO.
DUKE
Not me. It would blast you
through
the wall -- stone dead in ten
seconds and they'd
make me explain
it!
GONZO
BULLSHIT! Don't make me use
this.
HIS ARM LASHES OUT OF THE WATER, HOLDING
THE KNIFE.
DUKE
Jesus.
GONZO
Do it! I want to get
HIGHER!
DUKE considers this. He's had
enough.
47.
DUKE
Okay. You're right. This
is
probably the only solution.
(holds the PLUGGED
IN
TAPE/RADIO over the tub)
Let me make sure I have it
all
lined up. You want me to throw
this thing into the tub
when "WHITE
RABBIT" peaks. Is that it?
GONZO falls back into the water, smiling
gratefully.
GONZO
Fuck yes. I was beginning to
think
I was going to have to go out and
get one of the
goddamn maids to do
it.
DUKE
Are you ready?
He switches "WHITE RABBIT" back on.
GONZO HOWLS AND MOANS
AND THRASHES TO THE MUSIC, straining to
get over the top.
Meanwhile, DUKE picks up a grapefruit
from the sink -- a
good two-pounder, he gets a grip on it...
and when "WHITE
RABBIT" peaks... HE HURLS IT INTO THE TUB
LIKE A CANNONBALL.
GONZO SCREAMS CRAZILY, THRASHING AND
CHURNING -- CAUSING A
TIDAL WAVE.
DUKE JERKS THE RADIO CABLE OUT OF THE
SOCKET -- SLAMS OUT OF
THE BATHROOM.
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT
DUKE slumps onto the sofa.
SILENCE.
GONZO RIPS OPEN THE BATHROOM DOOR, his
eyes unfocused. HE
WAVES THE RAZOR SHARP BLADE out in front
of him -- LUNGES at
DUKE. DUKE WHIPS OUT A CAN OF MACE.
DUKE
MACE! YOU WANT THIS?
GONZO stops -- hisses.
GONZO
You bastard! You'd do
that,
wouldn't you?
48.
DUKE
(laughs)
Why worry?
You'll like it. Nothing
in the world like a Mace
high.
Forty-five minutes on your knees
with the dry
heaves...
GONZO
You cheap honky
sonofabitch...
DUKE
Why not? Hell, just a minute
ago,
you were asking me to kill you!
And now you want to
kill me! What
I should do, goddamnit, is call
the
police!
GONZO
The cops?
DUKE
There's no choice. I wouldn't
dare
go to sleep with you wandering
around with a head
full of acid and
wanting to slice me up with that
goddamn
knife!
GONZO
(mumbles)
Who said anything
about slicing you
up? I just wanted to carve a
little Z on
your forehead. Nothing
serious.
GONZO shrugs and reaches for a cigarette
on top of the TV set.
DUKE
(menaces him with the
MACE)
Get back in that tub. Eat some
reds and try to calm
down. Smoke
some grass, shoot some smack --
shit, do
whatever you have to do,
but let me get some rest.
GONZO turns toward the bathroom --
suddenly sad.
GONZO
Hell, yes. You really need
some
sleep. You have to work. Goddamn.
What a bummer. Try
to rest. Don't
let me keep you up.
49.
GONZO shuffles back into the
bathroom. DUKE wedges a chair
up against the bathroom
doorknob and puts the mace can next
to the clock.
DUKE turns on the TV. WHITE NOISE FILLS
THE ROOM. He
collapses onto the sofa and lights up his
lightbulb as pipe.
DUKE (V/O)
Ignore the nightmare in
the bathroom.
Just another ugly refugee from the
Love
Generation.
The WHITE NOISE snow storm on the TV is
reflected in his
face. The camera pulls back revealing THE
ENTIRE WALL
BEHIND HIM TO BE SWIRLING WITH THE FIZZING
SNOWSTORM PATTERN.
DUKE (V/O)
My attorney had never been
able to
accept the notion -- often espoused
by former drug
abusers -- that you
can get a lot higher without
drugs
than with them. And neither have
I, for that
matter.
The pattern on the wall changes to A
60'S VISCOUS OIL
LIGHTSHOW PATTERN. With DUKE still sitting
in the
foreground, the projected image widens to reveal the
interior
of A HAIGHT ASHBURY DANCE HALL full of DANCING
PROTO-HIPPIES.
INT. MATRIX CLUB - NIGHT
A slightly YOUNGER DUKE moves through
the throng. All the
action is in a DREAMLIKE SLOW-MOTION.
DUKE (V/O)
I recall one night in the
Matrix.
There I was -- a victim of the Drug
Explosion. A
natural street freak,
just eating whatever came by.
A ROAD-PERSON with a big pack on his
back is shouting. The
sound of his voice, like his movements,
is in slow-motion.
ROAD-PERSON
Anybody want some
L...S...D...? I
got all the makin's right here.
All I need
is a place to cook.
The camera pushes right into the
ROAD-PERSON's mouth.
INT. MATRIX MEN'S ROOM - NIGHT
Still in slow motion, the YOUNGER DUKE
is trying to eat a
HUGE SPANSULE OF ACID. With
difficulty.
50.
DUKE (V/O)
I decided to eat only
half at first.
Good thinking. But I spilled the
rest on
the sleeve of my red
Pendleton shirt.
DUKE stares at his sleeve, uncertain
what to do. C/U of the
door to the men's room as a MUSICIAN
enters speaking in
slow-motion.
MUSICIAN
What's the trouble?
DUKE
(also in slow-motion)
Well,
all this white stuff on my
sleeve is LSD.
The MUSICIAN approaches and looks down
at DUKE'S arm. A
long pause.
Cut back to tight shot of door as it
opens and a very clean-
cut, PREPPY, STOCKBROKER TYPE enters.
He freezes in horror.
We cut to his POV. DUKE is standing in
the middle of the
men's room with the MUSICIAN hunkered down
at his side...
sucking on his sleeve. A very gross tableau.
The
STOCKBROKER slowly eases out of the room.
DUKE (V/O)
With a bit of luck his
life was
ruined -- forever thinking that
just behind some
narrow door in all
his favorite bars, men in red
Pendleton
shirts are getting
incredible kicks from things
he'll
never know.
INT. A BAR - YEARS LATER - NIGHT
The STOCKBROKER LOOKING CONSIDERABLY
OLDER sits looking
lost, confused, a nervous wreck. The image
flares out in a
TV white noise snowstorm.
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT
DUKE sits staring at the TV.
51.
DUKE (V/O)
Strange memories on
this nervous
night in Las Vegas.
(he gets up,
pours
himself a drink)
Has it been five years? Six?
It
seems like a lifetime -- the kind
of peak that never
comes again.
San Francisco in the middle sixties
was a
very special time and place
to be a part of. But
no
explanation, no mix of words or
music or memories can
touch that
sense of knowing that you were
there and alive
in that corner of
time and the world. Whatever
it
meant.
DUKE throws open the curtains. Light
streams in.
EXT. 1965 STOCK FOOTAGE
We are in SAN FRANCISCO. IMAGES OF THE
TIME FLOOD IN.
DUKE (V/O)
THERE WAS MADNESS IN ANY
DIRECTION,
AT ANY HOUR... YOU COULD STRIKE
SPARKS
ANYWHERE. THERE WAS A
FANTASTIC UNIVERSAL SENSE
THAT
WHATEVER WE WERE DOING WAS RIGHT,
THAT WE WERE
WINNING. AND THAT, I
THINK, WAS THE HANDLE -- THAT
SENSE
OF INEVITABLE VICTORY OVER THE
FORCES OF OLD AND
EVIL. NOT IN ANY
MEAN OR MILITARY SENSE; WE DIDN'T
NEED
THAT. OUR ENERGY WOULD SIMPLY
prevail. We had all the
momentum;
we were riding the crest of a high
and beautiful
wave...
DUKE'S FACE IS SUFFUSED WITH A SADNESS
AND SERENITY WE HAVE
NEVER SEEN BEFORE.
DUKE (V/O)
So now, less than five
years later,
you can go up on a steep hill in
Las Vegas
and look west, and with
the right kind of eyes you
can
almost see the high water mark --
that place where the
wave finally
broke and rolled back.
52.
The memories dissolve into the night
skyline of Vegas.
Suddenly towering over the casinos is a 200
foot high Nazi
shouting "WOODSTOCK ÜBER ALLES!"
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT
DUKE closes the curtain. The room is in
darkness again.
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - DAWN
A harsh door buzzer. DUKE jerks awake.
Alone. Looking
like shit. Around him is the wreckage of their
stay.
DUKE (V/O)
The decision to flee came
suddenly.
Or maybe not.
DUKE opens the door to a BELL BOY with a
trolley load of
fruit, drinks and flowers... and a smile.
BELL BOY
Room service!
The BELL BOY wheels the trolley across
the room -- already
stacked with EVEN MORE BOXES OF
GOODIES.
DUKE (V/O)
Maybe I'd planned it all
along --
subconsciously waiting for the
right moment. The
bill was a
factor, I think. Because I had no
money to pay
for it.
DUKE slams the door -- starts
FRANTICALLY PACKING.
DUKE (V/O)
Our room service tabs had
been
running somewhere between $29 and
$36 per hour, for
forty-eight
consecutive hours. Incredible.
How could it
happen?
DUKE sees the DISCARDED WRAPPINGS OF
EXPENSIVE, HAND TOOLED
LUGGAGE. A sudden thought. He rushes
to GONZO's room --
empty. His plastic briefcase remains on
the bed...
DUKE (V/O)
But by the time I asked
this
question, there was no one around
to answer.
DUKE opens the briefcase -- finds the
.357 MAGNUM inside.
53.
DUKE (V/O)
My attorney was gone.
He must have
sensed trouble.
QUICK CUT TO:
EXT. LAS VEGAS AIRPORT - DAY
GONZO WAVES GOODBYE as he boards an
airplane with a set of
brand-new fine cowhide luggage.
DUKE (V/O)
Panic.
INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE HOTEL SUITE -
DAY
DUKE emerges with his bag and Gonzo's
plastic briefcase --
leaves the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the
door -- checks both
ways, then hurries away down the
corridor.
DUKE (V/O)
It crept up my spine like
first
rising vibes of an acid frenzy.
All these horrible
realities began
to dawn on me.
INT. MINT HOTEL ELEVATOR - DAY
An anxiety ridden DUKE watches the floor
numbers as the
elevator descends. He searches his
pockets...
DUKE (V/O)
Here I was, alone in Las
Vegas,
with this goddamned incredibly
expensive car,
completely twisted
on drugs, no cash, no story for
the
magazine. And on top of everything
else I had a
gigantic goddamn hotel
bill to deal with.
DUKE finds a last crumpled $5 bill.
The door opens. A SECURITY GUARD enters
with an OLD LADY IN
HANDCUFFS.
DUKE hides the bill -- crams back into
the corner. Doors
close.
DUKE (V/O)
I didn't even know who had
won the
race. Maybe nobody.
54.
INT. MINT HOTEL LOBBY - DAY
DUKE hurries out of the elevator -- eyes
on a hovering
MANAGER. Past the curious look of the reception
CLERK.
DUKE
(muttering to himself)
How
would Horatio Alger have
handled this situation?
EXT. MINT HOTEL - DAY
Motoring, DUKE gives his $5 bill to the
HOTEL FRONT DOORMAN
with a smile. The DOORMAN blows a frantic
whistle and waves
at the CAR BOY.
DUKE (V/O)
Stay calm. Stay calm. I'm
a
relatively respectable citizen -- a
multiple felon,
perhaps, but
certainly not dangerous.
The CAR BOY pulls up with a screech.
DUKE jumps in. The
back seat is stacked with bars of
Neutrogena, piles of Mint
400 t-shirts, boxes of
grapefruit.
DUKE (V/O CONT'D)
Luckily, I had
taken the soap and
grapefruit and other luggage out to
the
car a few hours earlier. Now
it was only a matter of
slipping
the noose...
DUKE shifts into drive. Deliverance!
CLERK'S VOICE
MR. DUKE!
DUKE freezes.
CLERK'S VOICE
Mr. Duke! We've been
looking for
you!
DUKE (V/O)
The game was up! They had
me.
DUKE
(to himself)
Well, why not?
Many fine books
have been written in prison.
55.
Resigned, DUKE turns off the
ignition. A young CLERK
arrives breathlessly with a smile and
a YELLOW LETTER IN HIS
HAND.
CLERK
Sir?
(thrusts out a
TELEGRAM)
This telegram came for you.
Actually, it isn't
for you. It's
for somebody named Thompson, but it
says
'care of Raoul Duke'. does
that make sense?
DUKE
(barely able to speak)
Yes...
It makes sense.
DUKE stuffs the telegram into his top
pocket.
The CLERK peers into the car -- sees
part of the enormous
stash inside.
CLERK
I checked the register for this
man
Thompson. We don't show him but I
figured he might be
part of your
team.
DUKE
He is. Don't worry, I'll get it
to
him.
He fires up the engine -- eases the RED
SHARK into low gear.
SECURITY GUARDS are looking across
-- sharing a quiet word
or two.
CLERK
What confused us was Dr.
Gonzo's
signature on the telegram from Los
Angeles. When
we knew he was right
here in the hotel.
DUKE
You did the right thing. Never
try
to understand a press message.
About half the time we
use codes --
especially with Dr. Gonzo.
CLERK
Tell me. When will the doctor
be
awake?
56.
DUKE
(tenses)
Awake? What do
you mean?
DUKE's eyes are on the SECURITY GUARDS
-- moving closer.
CLERK
(uncomfortably)
Well... the
manager, Mr. Heem,
would like to meet him.
Nothing
unusual. Mr. Heem likes to meet
all our large
accounts... put them
on a personal basis... just a
chat
and a handshake, you understand.
DUKE
Of course. But if I were you,
I'd
leave the Doctor alone until after
he's eaten
breakfast. He's a very
crude man.
DUKE edges the car forward, but is
stopped by the CLERK.
CLERK
But he will be available?
Perhaps
later this morning?
DUKE
Look. That telegram was
all
scrambled. It was actually from
Thompson, not to him.
Western
Union must have gotten the names
reversed. I have
to get going. I
have to get out to the track.
CLERK
There's no hurry! The race is
over!
DUKE
(taking off)
Not for me.
He waves the CLERK off the car -- roars
away.
CLERK
Let's have lunch!
DUKE
Righto!
EXT. ROAD OUT OF VEGAS - DAY
DUKE drives the RED SHARK out of
Vegas.
57.
A "YOU ARE LEAVING LAS VEGAS" sign
flashes past.
Bob Dylan plays: "Memphis Blues Again --
"Aaww, Mama, can
this really by the end...?"
A sign: LOS ANGELES -- 400 miles.
DUKE (V/O)
Jesus, bad waves of
paranoia,
madness, fear and loathing --
intolerable
vibrations in this
place. Get out! The weasels
were
closing in. I could smell the ugly
brutes. Flee!
DUKE drives fast.
DUKE
Do me one last favor Lord:
just
give me five more high-speed hours
before you bring
the hammer down;
just let me get rid of this goddamn
car
and off of this horrible desert.
A sign flashes "YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU
CAN'T HIDE."
A patrol car pulls out behind him,
lights flashing.
DUKE (CONT'D)
You evil bastard! This
is your
work! You'd better take care of
me, Lord...
because if you don't
you're going to have me on
your
hands.
The patrol car screams after the RED
SHARK.
DUKE (V/O)
Few people understand the
psychology
of dealing with a Highway Traffic
Cop. Your
normal speeder will
panic and immediately pull over to
the
side. This is wrong.
DUKE floors the gas pedal.
DUKE (V/O)
It arouses contempt in the
cop heart.
THE SPEEDOMETER CLIMBS STEADILY.
58.
DUKE (V/O)
Make the bastard chase
you. He
will follow. But he won't know
what to make of
your blinker signal
that says you're about to turn right.
DUKE signals right. The RED SHARK
screams at 120 mph.
DUKE (V/O)
This is to let him know
you're
looking for a proper place to pull
off and
talk.
AN EXIT OFF RAMP: MAX SPEED 25.
DUKE hits the brakes. The COP
brakes.
DUKE (V/O)
It will take him a moment
to
realize that he is about to make
180 degree turn at
speed... but you
will be ready for it, braced for
the G's
and the fast heel toe work.
The patrol car spins and fishtails
crazily out of control.
EXT. SCENIC PICNIC AREA - DAY
The patrol car comes skidding around the
corner. DUKE
stands beside the RED SHARK, completely relaxed
and smiling.
The HIGHWAY PATROLMAN gets out of the
car, screaming.
HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
Just what the FUCK
did you think
you were doing?!
DUKE smiles.
HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
May I see your
license.
DUKE
Of course, officer.
DUKE reaches for it. And BOTH MEN look
down at a beer
can -- which DUKE had, somehow, forgotten was
in his hand.
DUKE (V/O)
I knew I was fucked.
The COP relaxes -- actually smiles... He
reaches out for
DUKE's wallet, then holds out his other hand
for the beer.
59.
HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
Could I have
that, please?
DUKE
Why not? It was getting warm
anyway.
The HIGHWAY PATROLMAN takes it, pours
out the beer --
glances in the back seat of the RED SHARK.
Amongst the bars
of soap... A case of warm beer. DUKE smiles
back at him.
HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
You realize...
DUKE
Yeah. I know. I'm guilty.
I
understand that. I knew it was a
crime but I did it
anyway. Shit,
why argue? I'm a fucking criminal.
HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
That's a strange
attitude.
He looks at DUKE thoughtfully.
HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
You know -- I get
the feeling you
could use a nap. There's a rest
area up
ahead. Why don't you pull
over and sleep a few hours?
DUKE
A nap won't help. I've been
awake
for too long -- three or four
nights. I can't even
remember. If
I go to sleep now, I'm dead for
twenty
hours.
The HIGHWAY PATROLMAN smiles.
HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
Okay. Here's how it
is. What goes
into my book, as of noon, is that
I
apprehended you... for driving too
fast, and advised you
to proceed no
further than the next rest area...
your
stated destination, right?
Where you plan to take a long
nap.
Do I make myself clear?
DUKE
How far is Baker? I was hoping
to
stop there for lunch.
60.
HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
Not my
jurisdiction. The city
limits are two point two
miles
beyond the rest area. Can you make
it that far?
DUKE
I'll try. I've been wanting to
go
to Baker for a long time. I've
heard a lot about
it.
The PATROLMAN holds the door for DUKE
who gets in.
HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
Excellent seafood.
With a mind
like yours, you'll probably want to
try the
land-crab. Try the Majestic
Diner.
The PATROLMAN slams the door shut.
EXT. DESERT ROAD - DAY
DUKE drives away -- teeth gritted.
DUKE (V/O)
I felt raped. The Pig had
done me
on all fronts, and now he was going
off to chuckle
about it -- on the
west side of town, waiting for me
to
make a run for L.A.
DUKE drives past the rest area to an
intersection where he
signals to turn right into Baker. As he
approaches the turn
he sees the HITCHHIKER! As DUKE slows to
make the turn
their eyes meet. DUKE is about to wave -- but
the HITCHHIKER
drops his thumb.
DUKE
Great Jesus, it's him.
DUKE, spooked, SPINS THE RED SHARK round
-- ROARS BACK THE
WAY HE CAME.
EXT. BAKER TRUCK STOP - DAY
DUKE on the public phone booth --
screaming.
DUKE
They've nailed me! I'm trapped
in
some stinking desert crossroads
called Baker. I don't
have much
time. The fuckers are closing in.
They'll hunt
me down like a beast!
61.
INT. GONZO'S OFFICE - DAY
GONZO sits surrounded by legal papers
and law books. Mexican
Day of the Dead masks hang from the
walls -- flame-red demons.
GONZO
Who? You sound a little
paranoid.
EXT. BAKER TRUCK STOP - DAY
DUKE screams -- sweat pouring.
DUKE
You bastard! I need a
lawyer
immediately!
INT. GONZO'S OFFICE - DAY
GONZO
What are you doing in
Baker?
Didn't you get my telegram?
EXT. BAKER TRUCK STOP - DAY
DUKE
What? Fuck telegrams. I'm
in
trouble. You worthless bastard.
I'll cripple your ass
for this!
All that shit in the car is yours!
You
understand that? When I finish
testifying out here you'll
be
disbarred!
INT. GONZO'S OFFICE - DAY
GONZO
You're supposed to be in Vegas.
We
have a suite at the Flamingo. I
was just about to leave
for the
airport.
INT. BAKER TRUCK STOP - DAY
DUKE pulls out the telegram from his top
pocket.
GONZO'S VOICE
You brainless scumbag!
You're
supposed to be covering the National
District
Attorney's conference! I
made all the reservations...
rented
a white Cadillac convertible... the
whole thing is
arranged! What the
hell are you doing out there in
the
middle of the fucking desert?
62.
DUKE stares at the telegram.
DUKE
Never mind. It's all a big
joke.
I'm actually sitting beside the
pool at the
Flamingo. I'm talking
from a portable phone. Some
dwarf
brought it out from the casino. I
have total credit!
Can you grasp
that?
(shouts)
Don't come anywhere near
this place!
Foreigners aren't welcome here!
DUKE, breathing heavily, hangs up
phone.
EXT. DESERT - DAY
C/U of .357 Magnum cylinder being
spun.
DUKE (V/O)
Well. This is how the
world works.
C/U An IGUANA basks in the sun.
DUKE (V/O)
All energy flows according
to the
whims of the Great Magnet.
C/U Barrel of the gun. It fires. An
explosion of desert
dirt.
DUKE (V/O)
What a fool I was to defy
Him.
The IGUANA sits unfazed.
DUKE (V/O)
Never cross the Great
Magnet. I
understood this now...
(another blast
from
the gun)
... and with understanding came a
sense
of almost terminal relief.
DUKE stands alone in the vast desert
firing at nothing, the
thuds of the explosions echo away.
EXT. ROAD INTO VEGAS - DAY
The RED SHARK driving back towards Las
Vegas.
63.
DUKE (V/O)
I had to get rid of
The Shark. Too
many people might recognize
it...
...especially the Vegas Police.
(tight C/U of
DUKE)
Luckily, my credit card was still
technically
valid.
PULL BACK TO REVEAL:
DUKE, now driving a white Cadillac Coupe
de Ville -- THE
WHITE WHALE.
DUKE pushes buttons -- lowers the
top.
DUKE (V/O)
This was a superior
machine -- ten
grand worth of gimmicks and high
price
special effects. The rear
windows leapt up with a touch
like
frogs in a dynamited pond. The
dashboard was full of
esoteric
lights and dials and meters that I
would never
understand.
EXT. FLAMINGO HOTEL - AFTERNOON
A GIANT SIGN: THE FLAMINGO WELCOMES THE
NATIONAL DA'S
CONFERENCE ON NARCOTICS & DANGEROUS
DRUGS.
DUKE (V/O)
If the Pigs were gathering
in
Vegas, I felt the Drug Culture
should be represented as
well...
and there was a certain bent appeal
in the notion
of running a savage
burn on one Las Vegas hotel and
then
just wheeling across town and
checking into another.
The WHITE WHALE turns into a VIP parking
slot, immediately
attended by impressed MINIONS.
DUKE (V/O)
Me and a thousand ranking
cops from
all over America. Why not? Move
confidently into
their midst.
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL LOBBY -
AFTERNOON
DUKE enters -- old Levis, grubby
sneakers, 10 peso Acapulco
shirt coming apart at the seams, 3
day growth, eyes hidden
behind mirror shades. He heads for
the check-in line.
64.
DUKE (V/O)
My arrival was badly
timed.
THE PLACE IS FULL OF COPS. 200 of them,
on vacation, all
dressed in cut price Vegas casuals: plaid
Bermuda shorts,
Arnie Palmer golf shirts, and rubberized
beach sandals.
Ahead of DUKE -- A POLICE CHIEF argues
with the DESK CLERK.
The POLICE CHIEF'S AGNEW STYLE WIFE
stands to the side,
weeping. The POLICE CHIEF'S FRIENDS stand
uneasily around.
POLICE CHIEF
What do you mean I'm too
late to
register? I'm a police chief.
From Michigan. Look,
fella, I told
you.
(waves a POSTCARD)
I have a postcard
here that says I
have reservations in this hotel.
CLERK
(prissily)
I'm sorry, sir.
You're on the
"late list." Your reservations
were
transferred to the... ah...
Moonlight Motel, which is
out on
Paradise Boulevard...
POLICE CHIEF
I've already paid for my
goddamn
room!
CLERK
It's actually a very fine place
of
lodging and only sixteen blocks
from here, with its own
pool and...
POLICE CHIEF
You dirty little faggot!
Call the
manager! I'm tired of listening to
this
dogshit!
FRIENDS restrain the POLICE CHIEF.
CLERK
(solicitously)
I'm so sorry,
sir. May I call you
a cab?
The POLICE CHIEF's screamed insults fade
away...
DUKE (V/O)
Of course, I could hear
what the
Clerk was really saying...
65.
CLERK
(IN DUKE'S
IMAGINATION)
Listen, you fuzzy little shithead --
I've
been fucked around, in my
time, by a fairly good
cross-
section of mean-tempered rule-crazy
cops and now
it's MY turn. "Fuck
you, officer, I'm in charge here,
and
I'm telling you we don't have
room for you."
DUKE steps to the desk, around the
raging POLICE CHIEF.
DUKE
Say. I hate to interrupt, but
I
wonder if maybe I could just sort
of slide through and
get out of
your way. Name's Raoul Duke --
Raoul Duke. My
attorney made the
reservation.
DUKE snaps a credit card down onto the
counter. EVERYONE
goes silent. The POLICE CHIEF GROUP stares
at him like he
was some kid of water rat crawling up to the
desk. The
CLERK hits the bell for the BELLBOY.
CLERK
Certainly, Mr. Duke!
DUKE
My bags are out there in that
white
Cadillac convertible. Can you have
someone drive it
around to the room?
ALL EYES turn to the gleaming WHITE
WHALE.
DUKE
Oh, and could I get a quart of
Wild
Turkey, two fifths of Baccardi, and
a night's worth
of ice delivered to
my room, please?
CLERK
Don't worry about a thing,
sir.
Just enjoy your stay.
DUKE
Well, thank you.
DUKE gives the POLICE CHIEF a polite
smile -- crosses to the
elevator -- turns to face the GAWPING
COPS -- pops a can of
beer and toasts them. The doors
close.
66.
INT. HOTEL FLAMINGO - CORRIDOR
OUTSIDE SUITE - DAY
DUKE rams the key home -- swings the
door open.
DUKE
Ah, home at last!
INT. HOTEL FLAMINGO SUITE -
AFTERNOON
DUKE enters. The door hits something
with a thud.
A 16-year-old GIRL with the aura of an
angry Pit Bull.
GONZO stands in the bathroom doorway --
stark naked with a
drug-addled grin on his face.
DUKE
You degenerate pig!
GONZO
It can't be helped. This is
Lucy.
(laughing distractedly)
You know--like "Lucy In The
Sky
With Diamonds."
LUCY eyes DUKE venomously.
GONZO
Lucy! Lucy, be cool,
goddamnit!
Remember what happened at the
airport! No more
of that, okay?
LUCY keeps her eyes on DUKE. GONZO idles
over and puts his
arm round her shoulder.
GONZO
Lucy... this is my client. This
is
Mr. Duke, the famous journalist.
He's paying for this
suite, Lucy.
He's on our side.
DUKE flops onto the sofa.
GONZO
Mr. Duke is my friend. He
loves
artists.
DUKE notices for the first time that the
room is full of
artwork. Maybe 40 or 50 portraits, some in
oil, some in
charcoal, all more or less the same size and
same face.
GONZO
Lucy paints portraits of
Barbra
Streisand.
67.
LUCY
I drew these from TV.
GONZO
Fantastic. She came all the
way
down here from Montana just to give
these portraits to
Barbra. We're
going over to the Americana Hotel
tonight to
meet her backstage...
DUKE's voice rises above GONZO.
DUKE (V/O)
I desperately needed
peace, rest,
sanctuary. I hadn't counted on
this. Finding
my attorney on acid
and locked into some kind
of
preternatural courtship.
DUKE
Well, I guess they brought the
car
round by now. LET'S GET THE STUFF
OUT OF THE
TRUNK.
DUKE fixes GONZO hard.
GONZO
Absolutely, LET'S GET THE
STUFF.
(to LUCY)
Now, we'll be right back. Don't
answer
the phone if it rings.
LUCY
(makes one-fingered
Jesus
freak sign)
God bless.
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL - CORRIDOR OUTSIDE
SUITE - DAY
DUKE collars GONZO -- serious.
DUKE
WELL? What are your plans?
GONZO
Plans?
DUKE
Lucy.
68.
GONZO
(struggling to
focus)
Shit. I met her on the plane and I
had all that
acid.
(he shrugs)
You know, those little blue
barrels.
I gave her a cap before I realized...
she's a
religious freak... Jesus,
she's never even had a drink.
DUKE
Well... It'll probably work
out.
We can keep her loaded and peddle
her ass at the drug
convention.
GONZO stares uneasily at DUKE.
GONZO
Listen, she's running away
from
home for something like the fifth
time in six months.
It's terrible.
DUKE
She's perfect for this gig.
These
cops will go fifty bucks a head to
beat her into
submission and then
gang fuck her. We can set her up
in
one of these back street motels,
hang pictures of Jesus all
over the
room, then turn these pigs loose on
her... Hell
she's strong; she'll
hold her own.
GONZO's face twitches badly.
GONZO
Jesus Christ. I knew you were
sick
but I never expected to hear you
actually say that
kind of stuff.
DUKE
It's straight economics. This
girl
is a god-send. Shit, she can make
us a grand a
day.
GONZO
NO! Stop talking like that.
DUKE
I figure she can do about four
at a
time. Christ, if we keep her full
of acid that's more
like two grand
a day. Maybe three.
69.
GONZO
You filthy bastard. I
should cave
your fucking head in.
DUKE
In a few hours, she'll probably
be
sane enough to work herself into a
towering Jesus-based
rage at the
hazy recollection of being seduced
by some
kind of cruel Samoan who
fed her liquor and LSD, dragged
her
to a Vegas hotel room and savagely
penetrated every
orifice in her
body with his throbbing,
uncircumcised
member.
GONZO starts crying.
GONZO
NO! I felt sorry for the girl,
I
wanted to help her!
DUKE
You'll go straight to the
gas
chamber. And even if you manage to
beat that, they'll
send you back to
Nevada for Rape and Consensual
Sodomy.
She's got to go.
Pause.
GONZO
Shit, it doesn't pay to try to
help
somebody these days.
A silence.
DUKE (V/O)
The only alternative was
to take
her out to the desert and feed her
remains to the
lizards. But, it
seemed a bit heavy for the thing we
were
trying to protect: My attorney.
GONZO
We have to cut her loose.
She's
got two hundred dollars. And we
can always call the
cops up there
in Montana, where she lives, and
turn her
in.
DUKE
What?... What kind of
goddamn
monster are you?
70.
GONZO
It just occurred to me,
that she
has no witnesses. Anything that
she says about us
is completely
worthless.
DUKE
Us?
INT. HOTEL FLAMINGO SUITE - SUNSET
DUKE is speaking into the phone in
hushed tones.
DUKE
Hotel Americana? I need
a
reservation. For my niece. Listen,
I need her treated
very gently.
She's an artist, and might seem a
trifle
highstrung...
In the background GONZO helps LUCY and
her paintings out the
door.
GONZO
Okay, Lucy, it's time to go
meet
Barbra...
DUKE (V/O)
I felt like a Nazi, but it
had to
be done.
EXT. ON THE STREETS - A CAB STAND -
DUSK
The WHITE WHALE pulls up -- DUKE at the
wheel. GONZO helps
LUCY and her paintings from the car.
DUKE (V/O)
Lucy was a potentially
fatal
millstone on both our necks. There
was absolutely no
choice but to cut
her adrift and hope her memory
was
fucked.
GONZO unrolls a couple of bills -- pays
off a CAB DRIVER --
waves to LUCY in the back with her
paintings. She's starting
to come down...
GONZO gets back in the WHITE WHALE and
slaps his hands
together as if washing his hands of the
situation.
GONZO
Well that's that. Take off
slowly.
Don't attract attention.
71.
They pull out into traffic.
EXT. LAS VEGAS STREETS - DUSK
GONZO
I gave the cabbie an extra
ten
bucks to make sure she gets there
safe. Also, I told
him I'd be
there myself in an hour, and if she
wasn't, I'd
come back out here and
rip his lungs out.
DUKE
That's good. You can't be
subtle
in this town.
GONZO
As your attorney, I advise you
to
tell me where you put the goddamn
mescaline.
DUKE
Maybe we should take it easy
tonight.
GONZO
Right. Let's find a good
seafood
restaurant and eat some red salmon.
I feel a
powerful lust for red
salmon...
The electric WHITE WHALE heads off down
the Strip. The
sun's going down behind the scrub hills, a
good Kristofferson
tune croaks on the radio in the warm
dusk.
INT. HOTEL FLAMINGO SUITE - BATHROOM -
NEXT MORNING
GONZO throws up in the toilet bowl.
In the background, DUKE opens curtains.
Daylight blinds him.
DUKE
Come on, we're going to be
late.
GONZO looks up at his sick reflection --
wipes his mouth
with a towel.
GONZO
This goddamn mescaline. Why
the
fuck can't they make it a little
less pure? Maybe mix
it up with
Rolaids or something.
72.
INT. HOTEL BALLROOM - DAY
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
(crackling
and
booming over the
lousy sound system)
On behalf of
the prosecuting
attorneys of this county, I welcome
you to
the Third National DA's
Conference on Narcotics
and
Dangerous Drugs.
The EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR -- well groomed,
GOP businessman
type -- speaks from the podium. A banner
behind him reads:
NATIONAL DA'S CONVENTION 1971. "If You
Don't Know, Come To
Learn... If You Know, Come To Teach."
A BIG MIXED CROWD: TOP LEVEL STRAIGHT
COPS, UNDERCOVER NARCS
AND OTHER TWILIGHT TYPES -- beards,
mustaches and super-Mod
dress. Just because you're a cop,
doesn't mean you can't be
WITH IT! However, for every
URBAN-HIPSTER there are around
20 REDNECKS.
A dozen big, low-fidelity speakers
mounted on steel poles
distort and feed back the EXECUTIVE's
voice through the room.
At the back, under a loudspeaker, sits
DUKE -- $40 FBI
wingtips, a Pat Boone madras sportcoat, and
an official name
tag: RAOUL DUKE, PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR,
L.A.
GONZO sits beside him. His name tag: DR.
GONZO. EXPERT,
CRIMINAL DRUG ANALYSIS. He's nervous -- close
to the edge.
GONZO
(lowers his voice)
I saw
these bastards in Easy Rider,
but I didn't believe they were
real.
Not like this. Not hundreds of them!
DUKE
They're actually nice people
when
you get to know them.
GONZO
Man, I know these people in
my
goddamn blood!
DUKE
Don't mention that word around
here.
You'll get them excited.
GONZO
This is a fucking
nightmare.
73.
DUKE
Right. Sure as hell some
dope-
dealing bomb freak is going to
recognize you and put
the word out
that you're partying with a
thousand
cops.
COP IN BACK
SSSSHHH!
DR. BLUMQUIST -- a "drug expert" --
takes the stage.
DR. BLUMQUIST
We must come to terms
with the Drug
Culture in the country...
country...
country...
The sound systems echoes.
DR. BLUMQUIST (CONT'D)
The reefer
butt is called a "roach,"
because it resembles a
cockroach...
cockroach... cockroach...
GONZO
(whispers)
What the fuck are
these people
talking about? You'd have to be
crazy on acid
to think a joint
looked like a goddamn cockroach!
DUKE (V/O)
It was clear that we had
stumbled
into a prehistoric gathering.
DR. BLUMQUIST
Now, there are four
states of being
in the cannabis, or marijuana,
society:
Cool, Groovy, Hip, and
Square. The square is seldom
if
ever cool. He is not "with it,"
that is, he doesn't
know "what's
happening." But if he manages to
figure it
out, he moves up a notch
to "hip."
DUKE and GONZO listen in disbelief.
DR. BLUMQUIST (CONT'D)
And if he can
bring himself to
approve of what is happening, he
becomes
"groovy." After that, with
much luck and perseverance, he
can
rise to the rank of "cool." A cool
guy... cool guy...
cool guy...
74.
COP IN BACK
Dr. Bloomquist, do
you think the
anthropologist, Margaret Mead's
strange
behavior of late might
possibly be explained by a
private
marijuana addiction?
DR. BLUMQUIST
I really don't know,
but at her
age, if she did smoke grass, she'd
have one
hell of a trip!
Roars of laughter.
GONZO
I know a hell of a lot better
ways
to waste my time than listening to
this bullshit.
He stands, knocking the ashtray off his
chair arm, and
plunges down the aisle to the door.
COP IN BACK
Down in front!
GONZO
Fuck you! I have to get out!
I
don't belong here!
COP IN BACK
Good riddance!
He stumbles from the room. DUKE turns
his attention back to
the stage.
The lights go down. A black & white
film -- REEFER
MADNESS! -- illustrates his now evangelical
talk.
FILM NARRATOR
KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND!
YOUR LIFE
MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be
able to see
his eyes because of
Tea-Shades, but his knuckles will
be
white from inner tension...
DUKE turns his attention to a 340 pound
TEXAN POLICE CHIEF
who necks with his 290 pound WIFE beside
him.
FILM NARRATOR
... and his pants will
be crusted
with semen from constantly jacking
off when he
can't find a rape
victim...
75.
DUKE gazes at the TEXAN and his
WIFE. -- Feigning sickness,
he gets up, hand over mouth.
DUKE
Pardon me, I feel sick.
FILM NARRATOR
He will stagger and
babble when
questioned. He will not respect
your badge.
The Dope Fiend fears
nothing. He will attack, for
no
reason, with every weapon at his
command -- including
yours...
DUKE heads for the exit.
DUKE
Sorry, sick... Beg pardon!
Feeling
sick...
FILM NARRATOR
BEWARE. Any officer
apprehending a
suspected marijuana addict should
use all
necessary force immediately.
One stitch in time [on him]
will
usually save nine on you.
DUKE CRASHES OUT THROUGH THE DOOR.
INT. CASINO BAR - DAY
DUKE sees GONZO at the bar -- talking to
a SPORTY LOOKING
COP about 40 whose name tag identifies him
as a DISTRICT
ATTORNEY FROM GEORGIA.
DA
I'm a whiskey man myself. We
don't
have much trouble from drugs where
I come
from...
GONZO
You will. One of these
nights
you'll wake up and find a junkie
tearing your
bedroom apart.
DA
Naw!
GONZO
They'll climb right into
your
bedroom and sit on your chest with
big Bowie knives.
They might even
sit on your wife's chest. Put the
blade
right down on her throat.
76.
DA
Not down in my parts.
DUKE joins them.
DUKE
(to WAITRESS)
Rum and ice,
please.
DA
(looks at DUKE'S NAME TAG)
You're
another one of these
California boys. Your friend
here's
been tellin' us about dope
fiends.
DUKE
They're everywhere. Nobody's
safe.
And sure as hell not in the South.
They like warm
weather... You'd
never believe it. In L.A. it's out
of
control. First it was drugs,
now it's witchcraft.
DA
Witchcraft? Shit, you can't mean
it!
The BARTENDER cleans his glasses, one
ear straining for the
conversation.
GONZO
Read the newspapers.
DUKE
Man, you don't know trouble
until
you have to face down a bunch of
these addicts gone
crazy for human
sacrifice!
DA
Naw! That's science fiction
stuff!
DUKE
Not where we operate.
GONZO
Hell, in Malibu alone,
these
goddamn Satan worshippers kill six
or eight people
every day. All
they want is the blood. They'll
take people
right off the street if
they have to.
77.
DUKE
Just the other day we had a
case
where they grabbed a girl right out
of a McDonald's
hamburger stand.
She was a waitress, about sixteen
years
old... with a lot of people
watching, too!
The BARTENDER keeps cleaning the same
glass -- more and more
furiously.
DA
What happened? What did they do
to
her?
GONZO
Do? Jesus Christ, man.
They
chopped her goddamn head off right
there in the
parking lot! Then
they cut all kinds of holes in her
head
and sucked out the blood!
DA
(DA ad-libs a
summation of the
crime)
And nobody did anything?
DUKE
What could they do? The guy
that
took the head was about six-seven,
and maybe
three-hundred pounds. He
was packing two Lugers, and
the
others had M-16s.
GONZO
They just ran back out into
Death
Valley -- you know, where Manson
turned up...
DUKE
Like big lizards.
GONZO
... and every one of them
stacked
naked...
DA
Naked!?
DUKE
Naked.
78.
GONZO
Yeh, naked!... except for
the
weapons.
DUKE
They were all veterans.
DA
Veterans?!!!?
Agog with the horrors of the story, the
BARTENDER polishes
the glass -- faster and faster...
GONZO
Yeh. The big guy used to be
a
major in the Marines.
DA
A major!
GONZO
We know where he lives, but
we
can't get near the house.
DA
Naw! Not a major.
GONZO
He wanted the pineal gland.
DA
Really?
GONZO
That's how he got so big. When
he
quit the Marines he was just a
little guy.
DUKE
Usually, it's whole
families.
During the night. Most of them
don't even wake
up until they feel
their heads going -- and then,
of
course, it's too late.
The glass smashes in the BARTENDER's
hand.
DUKE (CONT'D)
Happens every day.
DUKE turns to a WAITRESS with a warm
smile.
79.
DUKE (CONT'D)
Three more rums.
Plenty of ice.
Maybe a handful of lime chunks.
WAITRESS
Are you guys with the
police
convention upstairs?
DA
We sure are, Miss.
WAITRESS
I thought so. I never heard
that
kind of talk around here before.
Jesus Christ! How do
you guys
stand that kind of work?
GONZO
(grinning)
We like it. It's
groovy.
The WAITRESS stares -- sickened -- at
GONZO.
DUKE
What's wrong with you?
Hell,
somebody has to do it.
GONZO
Hurry up with those drinks.
We're
thirsty. Only two rums. Make mine
a Bloody Mary.
DA
(whacks his fist on
the
bar)
Hell, I really hate to hear this.
Because everything
that happens in
California seems to get down our
way,
sooner or later. Mostly
Atlanta. But that was back
when
the goddamn bastards were peaceful.
All we had to do
was to keep 'em
under surveillance. They didn't
roam
around much... But now Jesus,
it seems nobody's safe.
GONZO
(with a
conspiratorial
nod)
You're going to need to take
the
bull by the horns -- go to the mat
with this scum.
80.
DA
What do you mean by that?
GONZO
You know what I mean. We've
done
it before and we can damn well do
it again!
DUKE
Cut their goddamn heads off.
Every
one of them. That's what we're
doing in
California.
DA
(stupefied)
WHAT?
GONZO
Sure. It's all on the Q.T.,
but
everybody who matters is with us
all the way down the
line.
DUKE
We keep it quiet. It's not
the
kind of thing you'd want to talk
about upstairs. Not
with the press
around.
DA
(recovering slightly)
Hell, no.
We'd never hear the
goddamn end of it.
DUKE
Dobermans don't talk.
DA
What?
GONZO
Sometimes it's easier to just
rip
out the backstraps.
DUKE
They'll fight like hell if you
try
to take the head without the dogs.
DA
God almighty!
(muttering in a
daze)
I don't think I should tell my wife
about this.
She'd never understand.
You know how women are.
81.
DUKE gives the DA a brotherly slap
on the back.
DUKE
Just be thankful your heart
is
young and strong.
DUKE and GONZO leave the stunned DA --
staring into the
swirling ice in drink.
INT. HOTEL FLAMINGO SUITE - DAY
DUKE and GONZO fall into the suite in
fits of laughter.
GONZO feels the nausea rise suddenly --
heads for the
bathroom. Immediate sounds of retching.
The phone message light is blinking.
DUKE opens a beer,
picks up the phone.
DUKE
What's the message? My light
is
blinking.
CLERK (V/O)
Ah, yes. Mr. Duke? You
have one
message: "Call Lucy at the Americana
Hotel, room
1600."
DUKE
Holy shit!
DUKE slams the phone down. GONZO emerges
from the
bathroom -- looking like death.
DUKE
Lucy called.
GONZO sags visibly -- like an animal
taking a bullet.
GONZO
What?
The telephone rings. DUKE answers.
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL - RECEPTION -
DAY
A worried CLERK speaks in to the
phone.
CLERK
Mr. Duke? Hello, Mr. Duke,
I'm
sorry we were cut off a moment
ago... I thought I
should call
again, because I was wondering...
82.
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE - DAY
DUKE
WHAT?
(hand over the
PHONE)
What was that crazy bitch said
to
him?
(screams)
There's a war on, man! People
are
being killed!
CLERK (V/O)
Killed?
DUKE
IN VIETNAM! ON THE
GODDAMN
TELEVISION!
CLERK (V/O)
Oh... yes... yes... This
terrible
war. When will it end?
DUKE
Tell me. What do you want?
In the background GONZO is upturning a
sofa to retrieve his
stash from the lining.
CLERK (V/O)
The woman who left that
message for
you sounded very disturbed. I
think she was
crying...
DUKE
Crying? Why was she crying?
CLERK (V/O)
Well, uh. She didn't say
Mr. Duke.
But since I know you're here with
the Police
Convention...
DUKE
Look, you want to be gentle
with
that woman if she ever calls again.
We're watching
her very carefully...
this woman has been into
laudanum.
It's a controlled experiment, but I
suspect
we'll need your cooperation
before this thing is over.
CLERK (V/O)
(hesitantly)
Well,
certainly... We're always
happy to cooperate with the
police...
83.
DUKE
Don't worry. You're
protected.
Just treat this poor woman like
you'd treat any
other human being
in trouble.
CLERK (V/O)
What? Ah... yes, yes, I
see what
you mean... Yes... so, you'll be
responsible
then?
DUKE
Of course. And now I have to
get
back to the news. Send up some ice.
He hangs up. GONZO zaps TV channels --
commercials.
GONZO
Good work. They'll treat us
like
goddamn lepers after that.
DUKE
(slowly, carefully)
Lucy is
looking for you.
GONZO
(laughing)
No, she's looking
for you.
DUKE
Me?
GONZO
She really flipped over you.
The
only way I could get rid of her was
by saying you were
taking me out to
the desert for a showdown -- that
you
wanted me out of the way so you
could have her all to
yourself.
(laughing again)
I guess she figures you won.
That
phone message wasn't for me, was it?
A look of stunned realization from
DUKE...
INT. FANTASY COURT ROOM - DAY
LUCY is on the witness stand.
LUCY
Yessir, those two men in the
dock
are the ones who gave me the LSD
and took me to the
hotel.
84.
A doomed DUKE and GONZO await their
fate.
LUCY
I don't know for sure what
they
done to me, but I remember it was
horrible.
JUDGE
Twenty years... and
Double
Castration!
The JUDGE bangs his gavel.
INT. HOTEL FLAMINGO SUITE - DAY
DUKE is madly stuffing his suitcase.
GONZO
Wait! You can't leave me alone
in
this snake pit. This room is in my
name.
DUKE KEEPS PACKING. GONZO is looking
worried.
GONZO
OK, goddamnit!... Look... I'll
call
her. I'll get her off our backs.
You're right. She's
my problem.
DUKE
It's gone too far.
GONZO
Relax. Let me handle
this.
(dials the PHONE,
snaps angrily at DUKE)
You'd
make a piss-poor lawyer.
...Room 1600, please.
(to
DUKE)
As your attorney, I advise you not
to
worry.
(nods towards bathroom)
Take a hit out of that
little brown
bottle in my shaving kit.
DUKE goes in the bathroom. He finds a
little bottle -- a
label: "DRINK ME."
DUKE
What is this?
85.
GONZO
You won't need much. Just a
little
tiny taste, that stuff makes pure
mescaline seem
like ginger-beer.
Adrenochrome.
DUKE stares wonderingly at the
bottle.
DUKE
Adrenochrome...
GONZO
(into PHONE)
Hi, Lucy? Yeah,
it's me. I got
your message...what? Hell, no, I
taught the
bastard a lesson he'll
never forget... what? No, not
dead,
but he won't be bothering
anybody for a while. Yeah. I
left
him out there, I stomped him, then
pulled all his
teeth out...
DUKE (V/O)
I remember thinking,
"Jesus, what a
terrible thing to lay on somebody
with a
head full of acid."
DUKE dips a match head into the brown
bottle -- studies
it -- TASTES IT -- NOTHING -- TASTES SOME
MORE...
GONZO
(to PHONE)
But here's the
problem. That
bastard cashed a bad check
downstairs and
gave you as a
reference. They'll be looking for
both of
you. Yeah, I know, but you
can't judge a book by its
cover,
Lucy. Some people are just
basically rotten...
Anyway, the
last thing you want to do is call
this hotel
again; they'll trace the
call and put you straight
behind
bars... no, I'm moving to the
Tropicana right away.
I have to
go, they've got the phone tapped.
Yeah, I know,
it was horrible, but
it's all over now... OH MY
GOD!
THEY'RE KICKING THE DOOR DOWN!
(throws the
PHONE
down; shouts)
No! Get away from me! I'm
innocent!
It was Duke! I swear to God!
(MORE)
86.
GONZO (CONT'D)
(stomps the PHONE;
moans)
No, I don't know where she is.
You'll never catch
Lucy! She's
gone! I swear, I don't know where
she is!
DON'T PUT THAT THING ON ME!
(slams the PHONE down)
GONZO sits back in his chair...
watching MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.
GONZO
Well. That's that. She's
probably
stuffing herself down the
incinerator about now.
That's the
last we should be hearing from Lucy.
(fumbling
with the
hash pipe)
Where's the opium?
DUKE stares at the back of GONZO's neck.
SOMETHING VERY
STRANGE IS HAPPENING TO HIM...
DUKE (V/O)
I remember slumping on the
bed, his
performance had given me a bad jolt.
For a moment
I thought his mind had
snapped -- that he actually
believed
he was being attacked by invisible
enemies. But
the room was quiet
again.
DUKE CLUTCHES THE BROWN BOTTLE.
DUKE
Where'd you get this?
GONZO
Never mind, it's absolutely
pure.
DUKE
Jesus... what kind of
monster
client have you picked up this time?
There's only
one source for this
stuff -- the adrenaline gland from
a
living human body!
GONZO turns to smile at DUKE.
87.
GONZO
I know, but the guy didn't
have any
cash to pay me. He's one of these
Satanism
freaks. He offered me
human blood -- said it would take
me
higher than I've ever been in my
life.
(laughs --
struts
round DUKE -- eyes
bright with expectation)
I
thought he was kidding, so I told
him I'd just as soon have
an ounce
or so of pure adrenochrome -- or
maybe just a
fresh adrenaline gland
to chew on.
DUKE (V/O)
I could already feel the
stuff
working on me -- the first wave
felt like a
combination of mescaline
and methedrine -- maybe I
should
take a swim, I thought...
DUKE sees that GONZO is TOYING WITH HIS
HUNTING KNIFE...
GONZO
Yeah, they nailed this guy
for
child molesting. He swore he
didn't do it. "Why should
I fuck
with children?" he says. "They're
too small."
Christ, werewolf is
entitled to legal counsel. I
didn't
dare turn the creep down.
He might have picked up a
letter
opener and gone after my pineal
gland!
GONZO JABS WITH THE RAZOR BRIGHT KNIFE.
DUKE'S BODY IS
GOING RIGID -- HE SPEAKS THROUGH GRITTED
TEETH.
DUKE
Why not? We should get some
of
that. Just eat a big handful and
see what happens.
GONZO
Some of what?
DUKE
(spitting words)
Extract of
pineal!
88.
GONZO
(STARING AT DUKE WITH
A
STRANGE SMILE)
Sure. That's a good idea. One
whiff of that
shit would turn you
into something out of a
goddamn
medical encyclopedia.
GONZO GROWS HORNS -- HIS FACE BECOMES A
MEXICAN DEMON MASK.
GONZO
Man, your head would swell up
like
a watermelon, you'd probably gain
about a hundred
pounds in two
hours...
A CLOVEN HOOF BURSTS THROUGH GONZO'S
SHOE.
DUKE
Right!
GONZO
... grow claws... bleeding
warts.
GONZO'S CHEST EXPANDS -- BONY RIBS
BURSTING HIS SHIRT.
DUKE
Yes!
GONZO
... then you'd notice about
six
huge hairy tits swelling up on your
back...
A TAIL LASHES, HOOFS STRIKE THE FLOOR.
GONZO TOWERS -- A
FLAME RED DEMON!
DUKE
Fantastic!
DUKE is now so wire that his hands are
CLAWING UNCONTROLLABLY
at the bedspread, JERKING IT RIGHT OUT
FROM UNDER HIM. His
heels are dug into the mattress with both
KNEES LOCKED,
EYEBALLS SWELLING.
GONZO-DEMON LOOMS AGAINST THE
CEILING.
GONZO
you'd go blind... your body
would
turn to wax... they'd have to put
you in a
wheelbarrow and...
GONZO'S VOICE FADES AWAY -- DUKE'S
frenzied gaze reveals
GONZO REVERTED TO NORMAL HUMAN SHAPE
AND SIZE.
89.
GONZO
Man I'll try about
anything; but
I'd never touch a pineal gland.
DUKE
FINISH THE FUCKING STORY!
What
happened?! What about the glands?
GONZO, a small smile on his lips, backs
away warily...
towards the TV -- NOW A HUNDRED FEET AWAY IN
THE DISTANCE...
GONZO
Jesus, that stuff got right on
top
of you, didn't it.
VEINS stand out on DUKE's forehead. He
is purplish-red.
OVER THE TOP! Too late, he realizes he is
NEAR DEATH!
DUKE
Maybe you could just... shove
me
into the pool, or something...
GONZO shakes his head disgustedly.
GONZO
If I put you in the pool right
now,
you'd sink like a goddamn stone.
You took too much.
Jesus, look at
your face, you're about to explode.
GONZO sits back down... watching the
TV.
GONZO
Don't try and fight it, or
you'll
get brain bubbles. Strokes,
aneurysms. You'll just
wither up
and die.
DUKE FALLS TO THE GROUND, WRITHING,
CATATONIC, SINKING INTO
PARALYSIS.
AND THE SOUND, SUDDENLY AND STRANGELY,
OF THE VOICE OF
RICHARD NIXON AND HIS DISTORTED FACE ON THE
TV SCREEN.
NIXON
Sacrifice...
sacrifice...
sacrifice...
DUKE PASSES OUT.
BLACK SCREEN
90.
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE -
NIGHT
Darkness. Insanely, somewhere NILSSON
plays -- "Put the
lime in the coconut and mix em all
up..."
DUKE (V/O)
What kind of rat-bastard
psychotic
would play that song -- right now,
at this
moment?
DUKE opens his eyes and the hotel suite
rushes in. He lies,
awkwardly twisted -- unable to move. He
could have been
there days -- months.
DUKE (V/O)
When I came to the general
back
alley ambiance of the suite was so
rotten, so
incredibly foul. How
long had I been lying there?
Hours?
Days? Months? All these signs of
violence. What had
happened?
DUKE moves his eyes -- taking in his
surroundings: Like THE
SIGHT OF SOME DISASTROUS ZOOLOGICAL
EXPERIMENT involving
whisky and gorillas. Blue and red
Christmas tree lights
replace lightbulbs, used towels hanging
everywhere,
pornographic pictures ripped out of a magazine
are plastered
on a shattered mirror.
DUKE (V/O)
There was evidence in this
room of
excessive consumption of almost
every type of drug
known to
civilized man since 1544 AD.
DUKE manages to move -- stiffly gets to
his bare feet --
HOBBLES ROUND THE TRASHED ROOM like a newly
risen ape.
DUKE (V/O)
But what kind of addict
would need
all these coconut husks and crushed
honeydew
rinds? Would the presence
of junkies account for all
these
uneaten french fries? These
puddles of glazed
ketchup on the
bureau? Maybe so, but then why all
this
booze? And these crude
pornographic photos smeared
with
mustard that had dried to a hard
yellow crust...
DUKE peers into Gonzo's room -- HIS BED
LIKE A BURNED OUT
RAT'S NEST -- blackened springs and
wires.
91.
DUKE (V/O)
These were not the
hoof prints of
your normal god-fearing junkie. It
was too
savage, too aggressive.
QUICK FLASHBACK:
GONZO SMASHES THE TEN FOOT MIRROR WITH A
HAMMER:
BACK IN THE ROOM:
DUKE stares at the smashed mirror.
DUKE (V/O)
Grim memories and bad
flashbacks.
In the bathroom, DUKE'S unlaced boots
CRUSH BROKEN GLASS IN
VOMIT AND GRAPEFRUIT RINDS.
DUKE unzips and pisses. THERE IN THE
TOILET BOWL IS THE
MAGNUM .357!
DUKE (V/O)
Something ugly had
happened. I was
sure of it...
DUKE stares at the golden stream
SPLASHING ON THE GUN.
The SOUNDS OF VOMITING come from a
closet near the front door.
DUKE looks into the room. He sees
GONZO's ass sticking out
of the closet. He opens his mouth to
speak when, IN THE
SMASHED MIRROR HE SEES THE FRAGMENTED
REFLECTION OF HIMSELF...
sleeping on the sofa.
The ominous SOUND OF A KEY TURNING in
the room lock.
A hellish scream wakes up the SLEEPING
DUKE. He sees GONZO
grappling naked with the maid -- gun to
her head. GONZO is
muffling her screams with an ice bag.
MAID
Please... please... I'm only
the
maid. I didn't mean nothin!...
DUKE
(jumps up from the
bed,
flashing his
press badge)
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
92.
GONZO
(to DUKE)
She must have
used a pass key. I
was polishing my shoes in the
closet
when I noticed her sneaking
in-so I took her.
DUKE shakes his head.
DUKE
(barks at the MAID)
What made
you do it? Who paid you
off?
MAID
Nobody. I'm the maid!
GONZO
You're lying! You were after
the
evidence. Who put you up to
this -- the manager?
MAID
I don't know what you're
talking
about!
GONZO
Bullshit! You're just as much
a
part of it as they are!
MAID
Part of what?
DUKE
The dope ring. You must
know
what's going on in this hotel. Why
do you think we're
here?
MAID
(blubbering)
I know you're
cops, but I thought
you were just here for
that
convention. I swear! All I wanted
to do was clean up
the room. I
don't know anything about dope!
GONZO laughs.
GONZO
Come on, baby don't try to tell
us
you never heard of the Grange Gorman.
93.
MAID
No! No! I swear to Jesus I
never
heard of that stuff!
DUKE
Maybe she's telling the
truth.
Maybe she's not part of it.
MAID
No! I swear I'm not!
GONZO
(long pause)
In that case,
maybe she can help.
MAID
Yes! I'll help you all you
need!
I hate dope!
DUKE
So do we, lady.
GONZO
(helping her up)
I think we
should put her on the
payroll. See what she comes up
with.
DUKE
Do you think you can handle
it?
MAID
What?
GONZO
One phone call every day.
Just
tell us what you've seen. Don't
worry if it doesn't
add up, that's
our problem.
GONZO hustles the MAID to the door.
MAID
You'd pay me for that?
DUKE
You're damn right. But the
first
time you say anything about this,
to anybody --
you'll go straight to
prison for the rest of your
life.
What's your name?
MAID
Alice. Just ring Linen Service
and
ask for Alice.
94.
GONZO
Alright, Alice... you'll
be
contacted by Inspector Rock.
Arthur Rock. He'll be
posing as a
politician.
DUKE
Inspector Rock will pay you.
In
cash. A thousand dollars on the
ninth of every
month.
MAID
Oh Lord! I'd do just about
anything
for that!
GONZO
You and a lot of other
people.
DUKE
The password is: "One Hand
Washes
The Other." The minute you hear
that, you say "I
fear nothing."
MAID
I fear nothing.
She repeats the password several times
while they listen to
make sure she has it right.
GONZO
Oh, and don't bother to make up
the
room. That way we won't have to
risk another of these
little
incidents, will we?
MAID
Whatever you say, gentlemen.
I
can't tell you how sorry I am about
what happened...
GONZO
Don't worry, it's all over
now.
Thank God for the decent people.
She smiles, repeating to herself "One
Hand Washes The Other"
as GONZO hangs the DO NOT DISTURB sign
and shuts the door.
CUT BACK TO THE PRESENT.
A grimy tape runs through a grunged-up
portable tape recorder.
GONZO ON TAPE
... Thank God for the
decent people.
95.
DUKE sits in the middle of the
wrecked suite with his
mangled tape recorder in front of
him.
DUKE (V/O)
Memories of that night are
extremely
hazy...
DUKE fast forwards through the tape --
SEARCHING: "Awwww,
mama... can this really...be the
end...?"
EXT. SAFEWAY SUPERMARKET - DAY
The WHITE WHALE waits -- gleaming --
beautiful.
DUKE (V/O)
There is a definite
obligation,
when you boom around Vegas in a
white Coupe de
Ville, to maintain a
certain style.
DUKE and GONZO burst out of the
supermarket riding a shopping
basket loaded with COCONUTS,
GRAPEFRUIT and TEQUILA. They
send DEFEATED SHOPPERS
sprawling.
The trolley collides into the WHITE
WHALE. SHOPPERS gather
at the supermarket entrance to watch
-- baskets loaded with
junk, SCREAMING KIDS and EMPTY
WALLETS.
DUKE switches on the music: JUMPING JACK
FLASH. He selects
a coconut -- ceremonially balances it on
the hood. GONZO
pulls out a silver claw-hammer. A sly look at
the gathering
CROWD... then he smashes the hammer down on the
coconut!
A GASP from the surly SHOPPERS.
DUKE places another coconut. SMASH! Milk
and white meat
flies everywhere.
SHOPPER #1
Hey! Is that your car?
DUKE
Sure is.
SMASH! Coconut fragments fly.
DUKE
Any of you folks want the
milk?
We're after the meat. This is
honest coconut
essence. Real meat.
SMASH!
96.
SHOPPER #2
Meat, hell! Look what
you're doing
to that car!
GONZO
Fuck the car. They should
make
these things with a goddamn FM radio.
SMASH!
DUKE
Yeh... This foreign made crap --
is
sucking our dollar balance dry!
SHOPPER #3
Someone should stop
them!
SMASH!
DUKE
You poor fools don't understand,
do
you? This car is the property of
the World Bank! That
money goes to
ITALY!
SHOPPER #3
Somebody should call the
police!
GONZO
Police? Are you people
crazy?
GONZO confronts the CROWD, hammer in one
hand, a coconut in
the other.
GONZO (CONT'D)
You folks every heard
of ole
Patrick Henry? Know what he said?!
Silence -- the CROWD uncomprehending of
this STONE DEGENERATE.
GONZO (CONT'D)
(ROARS)
GIVE ME
LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH!
GONZO brings the hammer down on the
hood. CLANG!
A gasp from the CROWD. Getting ugly.
GONZO (CONT'D)
In Samoa we LOVE THE
CONSTITUTION!
SHOPPER #3
Bullshit.
97.
The CROWD move in.
SHOPPER #1
Call the goddamn
police!
GONZO SWINGS THE HAMMER. CLANG!
SHOPPER #4
Look what they've done to
that
beautiful car!
DUKE jumps in behind the wheel.
DUKE
This crowd is not rational.
They
can't relate to us. Let's go!
A final CLANG! GONZO jumps in.
DUKE floors the accelerator -- screams
at the CROWD.
DUKE
You people voted for Hubert
Humphrey!
You killed Jesus!
They swerve round and through the
CROWD.
DUKE (V/O)
The crowd broke ranks.
Nobody
wants to be run over by a Coupe de
Ville.
INT. HOTEL FLAMINGO SUITE - NIGHT
DUKE FAST-FORWARDS... PLAYS THE
TAPE...
VOICE ON TAPE
You found the American
Dream? In
this town?
DUKE ON TAPE
We're sitting on the
main nerve
right now...
INT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS REVOLVING
MERRY-GO-ROUND BAR - NIGHT
DUKE and GONZO (wearing a single black
glove) talk
conspiratorially to a 3RD MAN. A PLACID ORANGUTAN
in a bow
tie sits next to him. THE BAR IS REVOLVING FASTER
THAN
NORMAL. DUKE IS INSANELY TALKATIVE -- WIRED!
98.
DUKE
The manager told me a story
about
the owner of this place...about how
he always wanted
to run away and
join the circus when he was a kid.
Well,
now the bastard has his own
circus, and a license to steal,
too.
3RD MAN
You're right -- he's the
model.
DUKE
Absolutely! Pure Horatio
Alger...
Say...
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT
DUKE playing the tape.
DUKE ON TAPE
... how much do you
think he'd take
for the ape?
DUKE fast-forwards again -- searching...
TRAFFIC NOISES.
SCREECH OF BRAKES.
VOICE ON TAPE
Holy God!...
A TERRIBLE GRINDING NOISE.
EXT. CAR RENTAL AGENCY - NIGHT
RENTAL AGENT
Holy God!, how did this
happen?
DUKE
They beat the shit out of
it.
RENTAL AGENT
The top's completely
jammed!
The CAR RENTAL AGENT wrestles with the
trashed car.
DUKE
Yeah, something's wrong with
the
motor...
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT
DUKE ON TAPE
... The generator
light's been on
red ever since I drove the thing
into Lake
Mead on a water test...
99.
A HUGE SPLASH...
The tape's gone too far.
DUKE
No, no. Shit...
DUKE races the tape BACKWARDS... Then,
SIRENS HOWL.
DUKE ON TAPE
Where's the ape? I'm
ready to
write a check.
INT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS BAR - NIGHT
DUKE is standing in the middle of A
SEMI-DESTROYED BAZOOKO
CIRCUS REVOLVING BAR. Mirrors are
broken. People are
recovering from some kind of battle. THE
BAR SPINS MADLY.
DUKE IS INSANELY WIRED.
3RD MAN
Forget it, he just attacked
an old
man... he took a bite out of the
bartender's head!
The cops took
the ape away.
DUKE
Goddamnit! What's the bail?
I
want that ape! I've already
reserved two first-class
seats on
the plane.
DUKE (V/O)
There was every reason to
believe
that we had been heading for
trouble, that we'd
pushed our luck
a bit far...
INT. WHITE WHALE ON THE STREETS OF LAS
VEGAS - NIGHT
GONZO SCREAMS ABUSE out of the window at
a Ford alongside
the VOMIT STREAKED WHITE WHALE. DUKE MAKES A
SUPERHUMAN
EFFORT TO STAY ON THE ROAD.
GONZO
Hey there! You folks want to
buy
some heroin?
In the Ford: TWO COUPLES -- MIDDLE-AGED
AMERICAN FACES
FROZEN IN SHOCK -- stare straight ahead. GONZO
leans out --
close to them.
100.
GONZO
Hey, honkies! Goddamnit,
I'm
serious. I want to sell you some
pure fucking
smack!
No reaction.
GONZO
Cheap heroin! This is the
real
stuff! You won't get hooked. I
just got back from
Vietnam! This
is scag, folks. Pure scag!
The lights change. The Ford bolts. DUKE
keeps pace with
them.
GONZO
Shoot! Fuck! Scag!
Blood!
Heroin! Rape! Cheap! Communist!
Jab it right in
your fucking
eyeballs!
The MAN IN THE BACK SEAT suddenly loses
control -- enraged,
lunges against the glass, trying to get
at GONZO.
MAN IN CAR
You dirty bastards! Pull
over and
I'll kill you! God damn you! You
bastards!
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT
BACK IN THE SUITE:
The tapes runs:
MAN IN CAR ON TAPE
You dirty
bastards!
An ugly squeal of brakes.
GONZO ON TAPE
Shit, he was trying to
bite me! I
shoulda maced the fucker!
DUKE fast forwards the tape. The TAPE
MANGLES -- the sounds
ski to a halt...
DUKE grabs the nearest tool -- uses it
to hook out the tape,
then realizes... IT'S GONZO'S
RAZOR-SHARP FOLDING KNIFE... A
CHILLING MOMENT...
DUKE turns the knife over... THERE'S A
DRIED CRIMSON SPOT ON
THE BLADE... OR IS IT DRIED MASHED
POTATOES?
101.
READ ON TO FIND OUT!
DUKE
(remembering)
Back door
beauty!
DUKE (V/O)
The mentality of Las Vegas
is so
grossly atavistic that a really
massive crime often
slips by
unrecognized.
DUKE SCRAPS A LITTLE OF THE CRUST --
TASTES IT...
DUKE (V/O CONT'D)
The possibility of
physical and
mental collapse is very real... No
sympathy
for the devil; keep that
in mind. Buy the ticket, take
the
ride...
HE HEARS THE SOUNDS OF SOMEONE BEHIND
BEATEN UP...
VOICE OFF
Shit! Faggot! Bastard!
EXT. NORTH STAR COFFEE LOUNGE -
NIGHT
WHACK! SHADOWY FIGURES beat up a MAN --
give him A GOOD
KICKING. BRUTAL AND UGLY.
DUKE (V/O)
North Vegas is where you
go when
you've fucked up once too often on
The Strip and
when you're not even
welcome in the cut-rate
Downtown
places.
PAN to reveal a seedy diner -- THE NORTH
STAR CAFE in the
background. Through the window -- DUKE and
GONZO sit at the
counter.
INT. NORTH STAR COFFEE LOUNGE -
NIGHT
DUKE (V/O)
The North Star Coffee
Lounge seemed
like a fairly safe haven from our
storms. No
hassles, no talk. Just
a place to rest and regroup.
I
wasn't even hungry.
GONZO stuffs a hamburger down PAYING NO
ATTENTION TO THE
BEATING going on outside the window. Duke
reads a newspaper.
102.
DUKE (V/O)
There was nothing in
the atmosphere
of the North Star to put me on
my
guard...
GONZO
(to WAITRESS)
Two glasses of
ice water with ice.
The WAITRESS brings the ice water.
DUKE (V/O)
She looked like a burnt
out
caricature of Jane Russell. She
was definitely in
charge here...
GONZO gulps down his glass of water and
hands her a napkin.
DUKE (V/O)
He did it very casually,
but I knew
that our peace was about to be
shattered.
DUKE
What was that?
GONZO shrugs.
The WAITRESS stands at the end of the
counter with her back
to them while she ponders the napkin...
She turns.
WAITRESS
What is this?
GONZO
A napkin.
THE WAITRESS slams the napkin down on
the counter.
WAITRESS
Don't give me that bullshit!
I
know what it means! You goddamn
fat pimp bastard.
GONZO
That's the name of a horse I
used
to own. What's wrong with you?
WAITRESS
You sonofabitch! I take a
lot of
shit in this place, but I sure as
hell don't have
to take it off a
SPIC PIMP!
103.
GONZO GOES VERY VERY STILL AT
THIS...
DUKE (V/O)
Jesus. I thought, what's
happening?
DUKE picks up the napkin. On it is
printed in careful red
letters: "BACK DOOR BEAUTY?"
DUKE (V/O CONT'D)
The question mark
was emphasized.
WAITRESS
(screams)
Pay your bill
and get the hell out!
You want me to call the cops?
GONZO
Spic pimp?
GONZO's hand goes inside his shirt. He
PULLS OUT THE RAZOR-
SHARP HUNTING KNIFE.
GONZO KEEPS HIS EYES ON THE WAITRESS. He
walks about six
feet down the aisle and lifts the receiver of
the pay phone.
He SLICES IT OFF, then brings the receiver
back to his stool
and sits down.
DUKE (V/O)
I was stupid with shock --
not
knowing whether to run or start
laughing.
GONZO
(casual)
How much is the
lemon meringue pie?
DUKE (V/O)
Her eyes were turgid with
fear, but
her brain was functioning on some
basic motor
survival level.
WAITRESS
(blurting -- on
automatic)
Thirty-five cents!
GONZO
(laughing)
I mean the whole
pie.
The WAITRESS MOANS. GONZO places a $5
BILL on the counter.
GONZO
Let's say five dollars.
Okay?
104.
GONZO walks round the counter TAKING
THE PIE OUT OF THE
DISPLAY CASE.
DUKE (V/O)
The sight of the blade had
triggered
bad memories. The glazed look in
her eyes said
her throat had been
cut. She was still in the grip
of
paralysis when we left.
DUKE IS ROOTED TO THE SPOT.
GONZO urges him out the door. The camera
retreats with them.
The WAITRESS STANDS THERE -- PETRIFIED.
Alone in a lousy
bar at night.
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT
DUKE's face as he stares at the knife --
remembering...
GONZO (V/O)
Drive! Drive! Drive! We
have
fifteen fucking minutes to get me
on that plane!
EXT. ROAD ON OUTSKIRTS OF LAS VEGAS -
DAY
The WHITE WHALE, looking like shit --
it's TOP HALF UP,
TORN, SLAPPING IN THE WIND -- ROARS THROUGH
AN INTERSECTION
as the light turns red.
DR. GONZO FRANTICALLY PAWS OVER A
MAP.
DUKE drives -- SILENT AND FURIOUS --
sick to his stomach
with the PSYCHOTIC GONZO.
GONZO
What are you doing? You
were
supposed to turn back there!
DUKE (V/O)
We had abused every rule
that Vegas
lived by -- burning the locals,
abusing the
tourists, terrifying
the help. The only chance now,
I
felt, was the possibility that we'd
gone to such excess
that nobody in
the position to bring the hammer
down on us
could possibility
believe it.
DUKE suddenly SLAMS ON THE BRAKES.
105.
GONZO
Jesus Christ!!!
There, crossing the road in front of
them, is LUCY -- her
paintings under her arm -- looking lost.
SHE LOOKS UP WITH
A VAGUE SENSE OF RECOGNITION...
DUKE throws the car into a SKIDDING
REVERSE TURN AND ROARS
OFF.
EXT. DESERT ROAD OUTSIDE LAS VEGAS -
DAY
THE WHITE WHALE TEARS DOWN THE DESERTED
FREEWAY. GONZO
looks wildly around.
GONZO
Goddamnit! We're lost! What
are
we doing out here on this
godforsaken road?
GONZO sees that THEY'RE RUNNING PARALLEL
WITH THE AIRPORT
RUNWAY.
GONZO
The airport is over there!
DUKE
Never missed a plane yet.
DUKE HITS THE BRAKES and wrenches the
wheel -- takes the
WHALE down into the grassy freeway
divider. WHEELS CHURNING,
HE MAKES IT UP THE OPPOSITE BANK,
nose of the car straight
up, then BOUNCES ONTO THE FREEWAY
and keeps going right OVER
A FENCE, dragging it through a
cactus field and onto the
RUNWAY.
GONZO is FROZEN WITH FEAR -- GRIPPING
THE DASHBOARD. He
throws a worried look at DUKE.
DUKE
I'll drop you right next to
the
plane.
They SPEED UNDER A PARKED AIRPLANE,
SHOUTING ABOVE THE JET
ENGINE SCREAM.
GONZO
No! I can't get out!
They'll
crucify me. I'll have to take the
blame!
106.
DUKE
(irritatedly)
Ridiculous!
Just say you were
hitchhiking to the airport and I
picked
you up. You never saw me
before. Shit, this town is full
of
white Cadillac convertibles. I
plan to go through there
so fast
that nobody will even glimpse the
goddamn license
plate. You ready?
GONZO
Why not? But for Christ's
sake,
just do it fast!
EXT. AT THE AIRPLANE - DAY
DUKE SCREECHES UP in front of the DESERT
AIR 727. GONZO
JUMPS OUT -- HEADS FOR THE PLANE.
DUKE watches him go -- RELENTS.
DUKE
Hey!
GONZO stops -- turns.
DUKE
Don't take any guff from
those
swine. Remember, if you have any
trouble you can
always send a
telegram to the Right People.
GONZO
Yeah... Explaining my
Position.
Some asshole wrote a poem about
that once...
GONZO pauses.
GONZO
Probably good advice, if you
have
shit for brains.
GONZO turns and RACES TOWARDS THE STEPS
JUST AS HE IS ABOUT
TO ENTER THE PLANE HE PAUSES AND LOOKS
BACK...SMILES...AND
LEANS FORWARD AND VOMITS.
DUKE (V/O)
There he goes -- one of
God's own
prototypes -- a high powered mutant
of some kind
never even considered
for mass production. Too weird
to
live and too rare to die.
107.
DUKE watches for a second then ROARS
AWAY. PULL BACK WITH
THE WHITE SHARK -- LEAVING THE AIRPLANE
FAR BEHIND.
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL SUITE/APOCALYPSE -
NIGHT
On the TV an airplane soars thru the
sky. Pull back to find
DUKE barricaded in GONZO'S BEDROOM. He
is typing on his
typewriter.
DUKE
We are all wired into a
survival
trip now. No more of the speed
that fueled that
60's. That was
the fatal flaw in Tim Leary's trip.
He
crashed around America selling
"consciousness expansion"
without
ever giving a thought to the grim
meat-hook
realities that were lying
in wait for all the people who
took
him seriously...
DUKE records like A WAR CORRESPONDENT.
The CAMERA slowly
rises -- DUKE alone in the room with the TV
SPEWING OUT
IMAGES OF WARS AND CIVIL UNREST OF THE 90'S.
DUKE
All those pathetically eager
acid
freaks who thought they could buy
Peace and
Understanding for three
bucks a hit. But their loss
and
failure is ours too. What Leary
took down with him was
the central
illusion of a whole life-style that
he helped
create...
RISING HIGHER -- THE WALLS OF THE ROOM
APPEAR TO BY 20 TO 30
FEET HIGH. DUKE SEEMS TO BE AT THE
BOTTOM OF A WELL... THE
CAMERA RISES UP THROUGH BROKEN
TIMBERS...
DUKE
... a generation of
permanent
cripples, failed seekers, who never
understood
the essential old-mystic
fallacy of the Acid Culture:
the
desperate assumption that somebody...
or at least some
force -- is
tending the light at the end of
the
tunnel.
HIGHER STILL -- DUKE ALONE IN THE ROOM
-- AN ISOLATED BOX
SURROUNDED BY THE TWISTED METAL AND RUBBLE
AND SMASHED NEON
SIGNS OF THE DEAD CITY -- A BLASTED
LANDSCAPE WITHOUT
LIGHT -- SHARDS OF A CIVILIZATION.
108.
EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY - DAY
A BURNING FLARED-OUT SUN. The camera
pans down to DUKE
DRIVING THE WRECKED WHALE. A piece of the
fence flies out
of the back seat as he takes a bump.
DUKE (V/O)
There was only one road
back to L.A.
US Interstate 15, just a flat-out
high speed
burn through Baker and
Barstow and Berdoo, then on to
the
Hollywood Freeway straight into
frantic oblivion:
safety, obscurity,
just another freak in the
Freak
Kingdom.
DUKE sees THE HARDWARE BARN, A RUSTIC
OLD FARM BUILDING
facing the road with a single gas pump
outside and a neon
sign that flashes beer.
DUKE
Ahhh. Wonderful.
DUKE PULLS OFF THE ROAD and parks. Gets
out and walks in.
INT. HARDWARE BARN - BAKER, CALIFORNIA -
DAY
DUKE enters the DARK, CLUTTERED
INTERIOR. Scattered all
about the store are BITS OF
AMERICANA... OLD BARRELS, WAGON
WHEELS, WOODEN YOKES. A
STUFFED HORSE HANGS FROM THE
RAFTERS. The sunlight shafts
through high windows. AN OLD
MAN is repairing an iron
pot-bellied stove near the wooden
bar. A NORMAN ROCKWELL
PAINTING... ONLY REAL.
PROPRIETOR
What'll you have?
DUKE can't quite believe this place --
too good to be true.
DUKE
(doubtfully)
Ballantine
Ale...?
THE PROPRIETOR serves the ale up ice
cold. DUKE SMILES AND
RELAXES.
DUKE
Hard to find it served like
this
anymore.
As he drinks, DUKE toys with a rack of
key chains -- LITTLE
AMERICAN ICONS... A REMINGTON COWBOY, A
BUGS BUNNY, A TWEETY
PIE, BETTY BOOP, A BASEBALL PLAYER. The
logo on the rack
reads: AMERICAN DREAM KEY RINGS.
109.
PROPRIETOR
Where ya comin' from,
young man?
DUKE
Las Vegas.
PROPRIETOR
A great town, that Vegas.
I bet
you had good luck there. You're
the type.
DUKE
I know. I'm a triple
Scorpio.
PROPRIETOR
(trustingly)
That's a
fine combination. You
can't lose.
A LOVELY GIRL appears. Seeing DUKE, she
smiles. CAN THIS
REALLY BE HIS LUCKY DAY? She approaches
him... and...
KISSES THE PROPRIETOR.
DUKE
(caught off guard...
muttering)
Oh, my God!...
PROPRIETOR
(not
understanding)
This is my granddaughter...
DUKE
(recovering)
Don't
worry...
(leans forward in confidence)
... and I'm
actually the District
Attorney from Ignoto
County.
(winks)
Just another good American
like
yourself.
A MOMENT. THE PROPRIETOR'S SMILE
DISAPPEARS.
Wordlessly the PROPRIETOR and his
GRANDDAUGHTER go to the
back of the store -- GET ON WITH
THEIR WORK -- IGNORING DUKE.
WHO FEELS ASHAMED.
DUKE puts some money down on the bar and
SLOWLY LEAVES.
EXT. HARDWARE BARN - DAY
A CHASTENED DUKE approaches the vomit
streaked WHITE WHALE.
Gets in -- sits there -- deflated --
miserable...
110.
A state bus draws up across from the
Hardware Barn.
Somberly, DUKE watches as TWO YOUNG
MARINES with duffel bags
step off -- chatting like TRUE
BROTHERS...
DUKE switches on the ignition. Something
rolls off the
trembling dash... DUKE catches it...
ONE SINGLE BEAUTIFUL AMYL CAPSULE...
DUKE CRACKS THE AMYL -- INHALES. THE
RUSH MAKES HIM GASP --
TEETH BARED LIKE A MADMAN.
DUKE
HOLY SHIT!!!
DUKE GUNS THE ENGINE with a laugh --
leans out -- YELLS AT
THE MARINES.
DUKE
GOD'S MERCY ON YOU SWINE!
DUKE ROARS AWAY. AN AMERICAN FLAG FLIES
UP FROM THE DEBRIS
IN THE BACK SEAT, MADLY UNFURLING ITSELF
AS IT SNAGS ON THE
CONVERTIBLE-TOP FRAME OF THE TRASHED WHITE
WHALE!
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
The TWO MARINES look after him
CONFUSED.
EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY
DUKE drives fast -- TEETH GRITTED IN
FROZEN ECSTASY!!
DUKE CRANKS UP THE TAPE RECORDER.
DUKE (V/O)
My heart was filled with
joy. I
felt like a monster reincarnation
of Horatio
Alger... a man on the
move... and just sick enough to
be
totally confident.
The WHITE WHALE WIPES THE SCREEN
BLACK.
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
THE END
