Johnny Depp, Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean, Jack Sparrow, Vanessa Paradis, Tim Burton, Public Enemies, Sweeney Todd, Sleepy Hollow, Edward Scissorhands,  John Dillinger, Gregory David Roberts, Infinitum Nihil, Shantaram, Ed Wood, Corpse Bride, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Willy Wonka, Rum Diary, Dark Shadows, Alice in Wonderland, Nightmare on Elm Street, Platoon, Private Resort, 21 Jump Street, Cry Baby, Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood, Arizona Dream, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Lasse Hallstrom, From Hell, The Man Who Cried, Secret Window, David Koepp, Freddy's Dead, Final Nightmare, Benny and Joon, Don Juan de Marco, Marlon Brando, Dead Man, Nick of Time, Donnie Brasco, The Brave, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas,LA Without A Map, Ninth Gate, Astronaut's Wife, Before Night Falls, Chocolat, Blow, From Hell, Curse of the Black Pearl, Dead Man's Chest, At World's End, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Happily Ever After, Finding Neverland, The Libertine, Benjamin Barker, John Wilmot, Mort Rainey, Sheldon Jeffrey Sands, Abberline, Roux, Ichabod Crane,William Blake, Raoul Duke, Raphael, Joe Pistone, sam, joon, axel blackmar, oprah noodlemantra, Tom Hanson, Tim Burton, GoreVerbinski, Mira Nair, Emir Kosturica, Jim Jarmusch, Terry Gilliam, michael mann, Rango, Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg, Helena Bonham Carter

 

WHAT’S EATING GILBERT GRAPE

SCRIPT – DIALOGUE TRANSCRIPT

Transcript written by Angela Sugden

 

Director: Lasse Hallström
Writers:   Peter Hedges (novel and screenplay)
With: Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, Juliette Lewis, Mary Steenburgen, Darlene Cates, Laura Harrington, Mary Kate Schellhardt, Kevin Tighe, John C. Reilly, Crispin Glover

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Arnie

Two, three, five, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, nineteen, seventeen.

 

Gilbert

Arnie.

 

Arnie

Fifteen, seventeen.

 

Gilbert

Arnie, eat some chicken.

 

Arnie

I don't, I don't want any chicken, Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

You want some corn?

 

Arnie

I w. . . I want some corn.

 

Gilbert

Have some corn. Here.

 

Arnie

Huh.

 

Gilbert

Good?

 

Arnie

Mm-mm. Not good corn. Gilbert?

 

Gilbert

Hmm.

 

Arnie

Are they gonna come soon? 'Cos I gotta go back home, you know.

 

Gilbert

Pretty soon.

 

Arnie

I want them to come.

 

Gilbert

Wanna go home?

 

Arnie

No. I wanna see 'em.

 

Gilbert

Okay.

 

Arnie

They're gonna come soon, huh? How many more miles till they come, Gilbert?

 

Gilbert

Three million, buddy.

 

Arnie

Three?

 

Gilbert

Yep.

 

Arnie

Okay. Gilbert! That's them, uh? Gilbert, look, it's them! Look! They're coming here! Ahh! Come here! Look at 'em come. They're coming! Like a horse! Like a horse! Like a horse!

 

Gilbert (voice)

My brother Arnie's about to turn eighteen.

 

Gilbert

Arnie!

 

Gilbert (voice)

My family's planning a big party for him. Watching the campers is our yearly ritual. They're doing the right thing just passing through.

 

Gilbert

God, Arnie. You're getting so big. Pretty soon I ain't going to be able to carry you no more.

 

Arnie

No. You know you're getting little, Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

Yeah.

 

Arnie

You're getting littler. You're shrinking, Gilbert. You're shrinking. Shrinking, shrinking, shrinking.

 

Gilbert (voice)

Endora. Endora's where we are. Describing Endora is like dancing to no music. It's a town where nothing much ever happens, and nothing much ever will. Lamson Grocery is where I work. And miles out of town on the interstate there's Foodland... where everyone else shops. This is where I live with my family. My dad built the house. It's my job to keep up the repairs. Doctors said we'd be lucky if Arnie lived to be ten. Well, ten came and went. Now the doctors are saying, "Any time now. Arnie could go at any time." Some days you want him to live.

 

Arnie

It's a head.

 

Gilbert (voice)

Some days you don't.

 

Gilbert

What is it, buddy?

 

Arnie

I killed him. I killed him, Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

I know.

 

Arnie

I killed him.

 

Gilbert

I know, buddy, I know.

 

Gilbert (voice)

My older sister, Amy, is more like a mother. She used to manage the elementary school cafeteria over in Motley. . . until it burned down last year. My other sister, Ellen, just turned fifteen. She got her braces off and for days now she's been walking around going, "Ooh, aah", like she can't believe to feel her teeth. I got another brother, Larry, but he got away. And then there's Momma, who in her day, was the prettiest girl in these parts. Ever since our dad was hung out to dry seventeen years ago, Momma's had her hands full. You see, with Momma there's no nice way to break it to you. She hasn't left the house in over seven years. I'm Gilbert. Gilbert Grape.

 

Television

This is the stuff of the circus.

 

Momma

Sunshine? Where's my sunshine?

 

Gilbert

I don't know, Momma.

 

Amy

Just the essentials.

 

Gilbert

Okay.

 

Momma

Gilbert. . . get him down from there.

 

Gilbert

Arnie. . .

 

Momma

Hurry!

 

Gilbert

Let's go. Amy, you seen Arnie?

 

Amy

No, I thought he was with you.

 

Gilbert

No, no. I wonder where he is.

 

Amy

Gee, I don't know.

 

Gilbert

Ellen, you seen your brother?

 

Ellen

He's in the tree.

 

Amy

Ellen, he is not in the tree! Gilbert already looked in the tree. Isn't that right, Gilbert?

 

Gilbert

Yeah, that's right. Oh! Arnie. Don't do that, you scared me. Come here.

 

Arnie

I was up there, Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

Yeah, you were up in the tree.

 

Arnie

I was right up there.

 

Mr Lamson

Can I help you with anything?

 

Woman

Uh. . . no.

 

Arnie

Thank you and goodbye.

 

Mr Lamson

Gilbert?

 

Gilbert

Sir?

 

Mr Lamson

Something going on at Foodland?

 

Gilbert

Oh, I wouldn't know, sir. I don't shop there. I'd rather die.

 

Mrs Lamson

I'll tell you. Foodland's up to something, if you ask me.

 

Mr Lamson

It's those lobsters, isn't it? Scads of lobsters all in a tank. Am I right?

 

Gilbert

You know. You shouldn't worry about it. It's just a phase. People'll come back here, believe me.

 

Mr Lamson

You think?

 

Gilbert

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

 

Mr Lamson

The way you say that makes me think I'm talking to your father.

 

Arnie

Can I have these two, Gilbert?

 

Gilbert

No, just one.

 

Arnie

Can I have these two?

 

Mr Lamson

Sure, go ahead.

 

Gilbert

Say thank you.

 

Mr Lamson

Say hello to Momma for me.

 

Gilbert

I will. See you tomorrow.

 

Mrs Lamson

Gilbert. That was Mrs Carver needing a delivery. Could you?

 

Mrs Carver

Hello, Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

Hello.

 

Mrs Carver

Boys, go on outside.

 

Todd Carver

But we don't wanna.

 

Doug Carver

Yeah, we don't wanna.

 

Mrs Carver

Go play.

 

Arnie

Hey! Hey!

 

Gilbert

Arnie, get back in the truck. Keep counting, okay?

 

Arnie

Okay. One. . . five, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twelve, thirteen. . .

 

Mr Carver

Hey, kids, let's play! Come on! Todd! We got the trampoline! Come on boys! Come on!

 

Gilbert

The uh. . . The ice cream's gonna melt. Soon.

 

Mrs Carver

You're right. It is melting.

 

Gilbert

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

 

Mrs Carver

Oh, my. Oh, my.

 

Gilbert

Oh, my God.

 

Mr Carver

Come on up here, I wanna show you.

 

Todd Carver

I don't wanna do it.

 

Mr Carver

You don't wanna do it?

 

Doug Carver

I wanna pool.

 

Mr Carver

You wanna pool?

 

Doug Carver

Yeah.

 

Todd Carver

Yeah, we wanna pool.

 

Mr Carver

Come on up here. Up, up, up, up, up, up.

 

Mrs Carver

Gilbert was just making a delivery.

 

Mr Carver

Oh. Oh. Gilbert. Come here for a second. Here.

 

Gilbert

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, really, er...

 

Mr Carver

Oh, no. No, no, here. I insist. You deserve it.

 

Gilbert

Thank you.

 

Mr Carver

Thank you.

 

Mrs Carver

Bye, Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

Bye.

 

Mr Carver

Gilbert. Come by my office. We need to talk.

 

Gilbert

Okay. Arnie?

 

Deputy

Okay, son, it's a little dangerous up there. Come on down.

 

Man

Arnie, get down!

 

Deputy

We've had enough fun for one day. Come on down.

 

Arnie

Hey! Hey! Hi! I wanna go up there!

 

Deputy

Son?

 

Arnie

Yeah?

 

Deputy

Come on down.

 

Arnie

No! I'm not coming down, I'm going up there!

 

Deputy

Son, come on down.

 

Arnie

I wanna go up there!

 

Gilbert

Arnie! Arnie, come on down, buddy.

 

Arnie

Up here. Hi!

 

Deputy

Okay, son. Come on down.

 

Arnie

I wanna go up here!

 

Deputy

Come on, son.

 

Arnie

I'm going higher than before. I'm going high!

 

Deputy

It's getting dark soon. Come on down.

 

Bobby

Hi.

 

Tucker

Hey, Bob. Yeah, look, here we go again.

 

Mechanic

Basically, I don't like to work on carburetors and I can tell without getting into it that that is a complicated unit.

 

Grandma

I, I understand. I, I can do it myself. But I need the part. Look, let me show you. See, it's this little guy right here. See the needle valve. . . it's worn down, and I need a new one. Could we order it?

 

Mechanic

Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am, I can order it.

 

Grandma

About how long do you think that would take?

 

Mechanic

Probably a week.

 

Grandma

A week.

 

Deputy

Don't make us come get you.

 

Arnie

You don't have to come and get me. I'm going up here.

 

Gilbert

Arnie.

 

Arnie

Whoa. I'm not gonna fall! Whoa!

 

Tucker & Bobby

Whoa.

 

Arnie

Hey! My shoe done fell off. My shoe done fell off, Gilbert.

 

Gilbert (singing)

I know a boy whose name is Arnie, He's, er, about to turn eighteen and have a big party, I know a boy whose name is Arnie.

 

Gilbert

Come on down, buddy. Come on.

 

Gilbert (chanting)

Match in the gas tank - boom, boom!

 

Arnie (chanting)

Match in the gas tank - boom, boom.

 

Gilbert (chanting)

Match in the gas tank - boom, boom!

 

Arnie (chanting)

Match in the gas tank - boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Match in the gas tank - boom, boom.

 

Gilbert

Good boy.

 

Man

Easy does it now.

 

Gilbert

Come on down, buddy.

 

Earl

All right!

 

Gilbert

Come on down. Come on! There you go. All right. Thanks a lot. Really sorry. Good. Good boy. Good boy. Now, I'm gonna take him home. I promise it won't happen again.

 

Sheriff

Son, we hear this every time. Then after a couple of days he's right back up there again.

 

Gilbert

Yeah, but this is the last time. Right, buddy?

 

Arnie

It's the last time.

 

Gilbert

Yeah. Come on, let's go.

 

Arnie

I wanna go back up there again. I wanna go up there again.

 

Earl

Hey, Arnie. Good job, huh?

 

Gilbert

Don't touch him.

 

Boy

Whoa, nice try.

 

Earl

Way to go, Arnie. Could you do it again for me?

 

Tucker

Get out of here, Earl.

 

Gilbert

Could you help me out later?

 

Tucker

Yeah.

 

Gilbert

With the fridge.

 

Tucker

With the what?

 

Gilbert

Something wrong with the fridge.

 

Tucker

The electricity?

 

Gilbert

I don't know. Maybe.

 

Tucker

All right. I'll have to get my tools.

 

Arnie

Hi.

 

Tucker

I'll see you. I'll have to stop by later. You be careful, all right, Arnie?

 

Arnie

Okay.

 

Momma

Don't disappear like that again on me, okay?

 

Arnie

I disappear. I disappeared on Momma like that.

 

Momma

Please don't disappear.

 

Gilbert

Just let him go.

 

Amy

Gilbert, will you bring the milk.

 

Arnie

I miss Momma.

 

Momma

Good boy.

 

Arnie

Disappear like that.

 

Momma

Good boy.

 

Arnie

Food.

 

Amy

Are we ready to talk about the party?

 

Momma

Sure.

 

Ellen

I'm ready.

 

Amy

Ellen's in charge of decorations.

 

Ellen

Get this - purple, orange and green.

 

Momma

Sounds good.

 

Ellen

Theme colours.

 

Amy

Okay.

 

Momma

That sounds pretty good.

 

Amy

I'm doing the food, the cake.

 

Momma

Okay.

 

Amy

Arnie, I'm making something very special for you. And, er, Momma you can supervise everything. Okay with everybody?

 

Ellen

That's disgusting.

 

Momma

Sounds good.

 

Arnie

What about me?

 

Amy

You are the guest of honour. How about that?

 

Arnie

Gilbert, what about me? My party. It's my party. What about me?

 

Gilbert

You just show up, buddy. That's your job.

 

Momma

All you have to do is show up.

 

Amy

You don't have to do anything. All you have to do is turn eighteen.

 

Ellen

You know, that just leaves Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

Huh?

 

Ellen

You're the only one without anything to do. Got any ideas?

 

Amy

Sure he does.

 

Gilbert

No, I don't. No, I don't.

 

Amy

Yes, you do.

 

Ellen

I'm almost sixteen and I got pages of ideas.

 

Momma

Ellen.

 

Ellen

She designed a whole cake, and you haven't done anything.

 

Momma

Stop it, Ellen.

 

Amy

Can it.

 

Gilbert

Can I be excused?

 

Ellen

He never does anything. No.

 

Momma

Please, can't we just do something as a family?

 

Ellen

No fair, Momma!

 

Gilbert

Can I please be excused?

 

Amy, Momma & Ellen

(all talking at once)

 

Arnie

My party though!

 

Momma

Is that too much to ask?

 

Tucker

So it's gonna be an exact copy of the one. . . the original they built in Boone.

 

Gilbert

Really?

 

Tucker

Which is no big dead, Gilbert, 'cos they're all. . . All Burger Barns are built identical. They're prefabricated. They just ship 'em out. I mean, it's so efficient, it's amazing. In a matter of a couple of days, there's gonna be a whole new restaurant there. So, I was driving past the building site today. You know, it's going up right next to. . . right down the road from Foodland. The general manager was there. So I says, "Can I fill out an application?" He said, "You bet you can." So I did, you know, and it looks really good. I mean, I'm happy wearing one of them uniforms and flipping some burgers, salting some fries. You never know, could be the best thing that ever happened to me. Hey, get. . . Get outta here.

 

Boy

I saw her! I saw her, I saw her!

 

Tucker

That wasn't nice.

 

Gilbert

What? What'd I do?

 

Tucker

You know what you did.

 

Gilbert

Oh.

 

Tucker

That's your mother in there. Your mother.

 

Gilbert

I know.

 

Tucker

I don't get you man. I just don't get it.

 

Gilbert

Let's go, buddy.

 

Arnie

Okay.

 

Gilbert

Come on.

 

Arnie

Gilbert, run now! Run! Bye-bye, Momma. Bye-bye.

 

Momma

Night you guys. Move Amy.

 

Arnie

Gilbert is shrinking. Shrinking, shrinking, shrinking, shrinking. I'm not tired yet, Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

Well, you gotta go to sleep, okay?

 

Arnie

Okay. Goodbye.

 

Gilbert

No, it's not goodbye. It's good night.

 

Arnie

Yeah.

 

Gilbert

Goodbye is for when you're going away and we're not going anywhere, are we?

 

Arnie

I know that. I know that, Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

See you tomorrow.

 

Arnie

We're not going anywhere! Goodbye!

 

Gilbert

Arnie.

 

Tucker

You gotta work later?

 

Gilbert

Yeah I do.

 

Woman

Hi, boys. Hi, Arnie.

 

Arnie

Hiya, ladies.

 

Gilbert

Gotta come back.

 

Tucker

How's Momma?

 

Gilbert

She's fat.

 

Tucker

Come on, man. She's not all that big, Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

What?

 

Tucker

Listen, I saw a guy at the state fair who was. . . a little bit bigger.

 

Gilbert

A little bit bigger?

 

Tucker

Look, all I'm saying is she's not the biggest I've ever seen.

 

Gilbert

Tucker, she's a whale.

 

Tucker

Well, take her out for a walk once in a while.

 

Gilbert

Take her out for a jog.

 

Tucker

Get her out of the house.

 

Gilbert

Hey, Bobby. Bobby!

 

Tucker

Give her a chance, that's all I'm saying.

 

Gilbert

I know. How's business?

 

Bobby

Oh, not good. Hey! Nobody's dying.

 

Tucker

There's a clear ladder. There's a clear corporate ladder.

 

Bobby

That's good.

 

Arnie

How, Gilbert?

 

Tucker

That's a good thing for you to do.

 

Arnie

How?

 

Tucker

If you guys would give it a chance.

 

Bobby

I. . . I. . . I just was saying that it wasn't something that I should be doing for myself.

 

Tucker

Look, they use Canola oil, okay? You know what Canola oil is? You probably don't.

 

Gilbert

No, no.

 

Tucker

They probably don't sell it at Lamson Grocery.

 

Gilbert

No.

 

Tucker

It's cutting edge. It creates a crispier French fry and. . .

 

Bobby

Well, that's. . .

 

Tucker

And, er, a more unique product. And Burger Barn. . . Forget Wendy's, forget Burger King, forget McDonalds, that's like, old hat. Burger Barn is cutting edge. I mean, I, I could really stand behind it. It, it's an innovative place. You know, they created the salad bar, which is now mimicked by every single fast-food chain in America.

 

Bobby

Yeah.

 

Tucker

They came up with that. Fifteen different toppings for each salad and two different kinds of lettuce. And there's, you know, all that you care to eat.

 

Bobby

Yeah.

 

Tucker

You either go from clerk to fry cook to cook to assistant manager, or you can go from clerk to cashier captain to assistant manager. And then from assistant manager you could go to manager, and then regional manager and then. . .

 

Mr Lamson

Look at the little fellas.

 

Arnie

My hoppers.

 

Mr Lamson

Let's try this.

 

Arnie

My friend.

 

Mr Lamson

There you go, my boy.

 

Gilbert

What do you say, Arnie?

 

Arnie

Ah, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

Mrs Carver

Gilbert. This Thursday. It's our anniversary.

 

Gilbert

Okay.

 

Becky

Hello.

 

Mrs Carver

Gilbert. I'll need a delivery later.

 

Mr Lamson

Have a nice day. Gilbert. Gilbert.

 

Becky

He's behind the chips.

 

Mr Lamson

Delivery, son.

 

Gilbert

Excuse me?

 

Mr Lamson

Delivery. She's gonna be needing some help.

 

Gilbert

Yes, sir.

 

Arnie

Is that your bike?

 

Becky

Yeah.

 

Arnie

I'll do it, Gilbert, I'll do it.

 

Gilbert

Here, wait a second.

 

Arnie

I got it. I did it, huh?

 

Tucker

Look there.

 

Arnie

I did it by myself.

 

Bobby

Yeah. Look at that.

 

Arnie

I could go at any time.

 

Gilbert

Ssh. Arnie. No.

 

Arnie

Any time.

 

Gilbert

Excuse me. Where to?

 

Becky

Oh, just keep going straight.

 

Gilbert

All right.

 

Arnie

My almost, my almost become, become eighteen and I'm having a big. . . a big party, huh, Gilbert?

 

Gilbert

Yup.

 

Arnie

When is that party coming?

 

Gilbert

Six days.

 

Arnie

Six days to my party and I'm come eighteen. I'm eighteen and you're not invited.

 

Gilbert

Arnie. Don't be rude.

 

Becky

Oh, it's okay. He's just being honest. I don't mind.

 

Arnie

I, I got the groceries.

 

Gilbert

All right, be careful with them.

 

Arnie

The groceries. I got 'em, okay?

 

Gilbert

Okay. Oh, no, Arnie.

 

Arnie

Oh, no.

 

Gilbert

Shit. Sorry. Really sorry.

 

Becky

It's okay. Don't worry about it.

 

Gilbert

No, no, I'm really. . . I'm really sorry. This is. . .

 

Becky

It's okay.

 

Gilbert

I'm sorry.

 

Becky

Don't be sorry. Are you sorry?

 

Arnie

Mm-mm.

 

Becky

No. I'm not sorry. He's not sorry. We're not sorry. Don't be sorry.

 

Arnie

I'm not sorry.

 

Amy

So I think if we're gonna have people come that early we should have appetisers.

 

Momma

Oh, yeah, that'd be good. You know those little tiny sausage things. And put 'em in grape jelly and ketchup and make a sauce.

 

Amy

I was thinking. . .

 

Arnie

I want hot dogs, Mom.

 

Ellen

How 'bout pretzels?

 

Amy

. . .you know, like those Hawaiian appetizers. . . that they make with. . . you get pineapple chunks out of a can and you wrap them with little pieces of bacon and you push a toothpick through 'em.

 

Momma

How do you cook the bacon?

 

Amy

In the oven, on a pan.

 

Momma

But the bacon's not gonna be crisp if u bake it in the oven on a sheet.

 

Amy

Yes, it will.

 

Momma

And nobody wants greasy. . .

 

Arnie

I want hot dogs.

 

Amy

No, you. . . you soak 'em. . .

 

Momma

. . .floppy bacon.

 

Arnie

Momma, I want hot dogs.

 

Amy

Oh, Arnie.

 

Momma

We're gonna have hot dogs, honey. I promise. We're gonna have hot dogs.

 

Arnie

Wa. . . I want hot dogs.

 

Ellen

The thing about hot dogs. . . I mean, every party that I've been to. . .

 

Gilbert

Ellen. Ellen.

 

Ellen

What?

 

Gilbert

Could you not talk with your mouth full?

 

Ellen

Excuse me?

 

Gilbert

You're making me sick. I'm gonna throw up.

 

Ellen

Oh. Okay, Dad.

 

Momma

Ellen.

 

Ellen

Sure thing, Dad.

 

Amy

Will you two cut it out?

 

Arnie

Okay, Dad. Sure thing, Dad.

 

Gilbert

That's nice.

 

Amy

Stop it, you guys.

 

Gilbert

Dad's dead, Ellen.

 

Momma

Gilbert!

 

Amy

Gilbert.

 

Momma

I can't believe you said that.

 

Amy

Shut up.

 

Arnie

Dad's dead.

 

Amy

Arnie.

 

Arnie

Dad's dead.

 

Amy

Arnie, ssh. Arnie.

 

Arnie

Dad's dead.

 

Amy

It's okay.

 

Arnie

Dad's dead.

 

Amy

Stop it now!

 

Arnie

Dad's dead.

 

Momma

Oh, God.

 

Arnie

Dad's dead!

 

Amy

Arnie. Stop it.

 

Arnie

Dad's dead! Dad's dead!

 

Amy

Momma, don't get upset.

 

Arnie

Dad's dead! Dad's dead! Dad's dead!

 

Momma

Amy, make him stop.

 

Arnie

Dad's dead.

 

Ellen

Arnie, shut up!

 

Arnie

Dead, dead, dead, dead!

 

Ellen

You're crazy, Arnie.

 

Amy

Arnie.

 

Arnie

Dead! Dead, dead, dead, dead!

 

Gilbert

Arnie. Ssh, ssh.

 

Amy

Arnie. Calm down!

 

Momma

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

 

Amy

That's enough. Arnie, that's enough.

 

Momma

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

 

Amy

Arnie. Arnie, be quiet.

 

Momma

Stop it right now!

 

Arnie

Dad's dead!

 

Momma

I said, stop it right now!

 

Gilbert

Amy. Amy.

 

Tucker

It should be two by ten's or two by twelve's. And the space between 'em here, is. . . should. . . right now it's at two feet. And this should be sixteen inches, I mean that's just standard. And this right here. See this here? Flat flooring. I mean, flat flooring! It's like once the wood gets old you're just gonna fall right through it.

 

Amy

Yeah, I guess Daddy wasn't much of a carpenter.

 

Tucker

Hey, Gilbert, why did. . . why did he use two by six's instead of two by. . . ?

 

Gilbert

Tucker.

 

Tucker

What?

 

Gilbert

Ssh. Keep it down.

 

Tucker

Sorry.

 

Gilbert

She's coming. Hey, she's coming. Ssh. Ssh. You all right? Okay?

 

Amy

Yeah, I'm fine.

 

Gilbert

Thanks a lot for coming.

 

Tucker

I'll come by tomorrow with the wood. Just let's keep it quiet. Oh, I forget to tell you.

 

Gilbert

What?

 

Tucker

Burger Barn. I'm in. I got the call.

 

Gilbert

Oh, oh, good.

 

Tucker

It's not too late, you know. All right, see you.

 

Amy

I think she's asleep.

 

Man (On TV)

Let's say that you want to slice down zucchini squash for the electric food dehydrator. Look at this.

 

Woman (On TV)

Wonderful.

 

Man (On TV)

Perfect slicing each and every time. Is that nice?

 

Woman (On TV)

Marvelous.

 

Man (On TV)

Of course, if you know someone that can't chew too well.

 

Woman (On TV)

Okay.

 

Man (On TV)

Taking corn off the cob. Look at this. We'll just turn the dial down a little bit.

 

Woman (On TV)

. . .and sit there for hours with a knife. Literally hours, cutting her corn. Unbelievable.

 

Man (On TV)

'Course. For und. . . . . . right now you get the hundred and. . .

 

Mamma

Gilbert, what are you doing? Give me that.

 

Gilbert

Sorry, Momma.

 

Momma

Jeez.

 

Man (On TV)

. . .the thirty dollar dial-o-matic food slicer. . .

 

Amy

Momma?

 

Momma

Mm-mm?

 

Amy

I made up that bed for you.

 

Momma

What for?

 

Amy

Well, just in case you wanted a change.

 

Momma

I'm happy right where I am.

 

Amy

You sure?

 

Momma

Yeah.

 

Gilbert

There you go.

 

Amy

There you go, Momma.

 

Momma

Thanks, kids.

 

Amy

Good night, Momma.

 

Momma

You're so helpful.

 

Man (On TV)

. . .three easy credit card payments of only twenty dollars each. . .

 

Arnie

New ball.

 

Gilbert

Took her delivery.

 

Arnie

Fire!

 

Gilbert

We talked a little bit. And, er, that was it. I dropped her off.

 

Tucker

What's she doing here?

 

Gilbert

She. . . I don't know. She's just sort of here. Their car broke down or something.

 

Tucker

Come on. You. . . I can see in your face that you like her.

 

Gilbert

Can we just not talk about this right now?

 

Tucker

Why not?

 

Gilbert

Let's change the subject.

 

Mr Carver

. . .you understand?

 

Doug Carver

We want a pool.

 

Tucker

Okay. But you're telling me later.

 

Gilbert

I'll tell you everything later.

 

Bobby

Look at those guys out there.

 

Mr Carver

Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

Mm-hm.

 

Bobby

They're laughing. They're all happy and waving to their friends. But the next day, and this is the thing they don't know, they could be. . . lying on the slab. It's kind of, uh. . . harsh. But it's kind of fun, too.

 

Tucker

Do you ever, um. . . ?

 

Bobby

What?

 

Tucker

Um. . . Well, you know. . . Are you tempted like. . . to wanna fool around with the bodies?

 

Gilbert

Tucker, come on.

 

Tucker

No, I wanted to ask. I just wanted to ask. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable.

 

Bobby

No, no. People are very curious about that. No, yeah, I, er. . . The worst thing that we do is we take the bodies, the grotesque ones, the really. . . really ugly ones, and we make, make jokes about them, you know. Harmless jokes. Very harmless jokes, but we come up with some, some very good, good jokes. . .

 

Mrs Carver

Come on, let's go.

 

Bobby

. . .about them, my father and me. But, but, you know, they're dead. And uh. . . you know, nobody can see that. Nobody hears anything.

 

Mrs Carver

Hi, boys.

 

Tucker

Hi.

 

Bobby

Hello, Mrs Carver.

 

Gilbert

Hi.

 

Bobby

These jokes don't hurt anybody. Nobody even knows we make them.

 

Mr Carver

Gilbert, I'm waiting for your call.

 

Bobby

Oh, Mr Carver, er, I, I haven't seen your mother in church lately. How's she doing?

 

Mr Carver

Fine. She's fine.

 

Bobby

Ah, thanks. Bye.

 

Tucker

He wants. . . he wants to kill you, right?

 

Bobby

Er, you prefer a bronze casket?

 

Tucker

Hey. Gilbert. Hey, can somebody give me a hand down here?

 

Gilbert

What?

 

Tucker

Somebody give me a hand with the wood?

 

Gilbert

Hey, Arnie.

 

Arnie

Huh?

 

Gilbert

You wanna go help Tucker?

 

Arnie

Uh-uh.

 

Gilbert

Arnie, go help Tucker in the basement. Arnie. Why don't you go into the basement and. . .

 

Arnie

I don't wanna go down there, Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

Please.

 

Arnie

No way, no way, no way. You. Go down there, Gilbert.

 

Tucker

Is there a problem? Gilbert. Hey.

 

Arnie

Dad's in there. Whooo!

 

Gilbert

Ssh.

 

Arnie

Whoo!

 

Gilbert

Ssh.

 

Arnie

Dad's in there.

 

Gilbert

Ssh.

 

Arnie

Arghh!

 

Gilbert

Arnie, shut up! Arnie. Shut up. Shut up. Come on. Arnie. It's not funny. Get back here.

 

Tucker

Don't worry. Now the two by six's, you know, there's six of 'em so. . . you know, those could hold anybody. I for. . . I forgot.

 

Gilbert

What?

 

Tucker

I forgot that that was where your dad. . .

 

Gilbert

Yep.

 

Tucker

I'm. . . I'm sorry.

 

Gilbert

No, it's okay. Don't worry about it.

 

Ellen

No, Arnie, no.

 

Arnie

I wanna go up there.

 

Ellen

Arnie, you're not. Arnie! Not again! Arnie, get down. Get down. Get down! You're not going anywhere. It's not too much fun, is it?

 

Arnie

I wanna go there. Ow!

 

Ellen

No! We're going home! We're going home.

 

Arnie

Ow!

 

Gilbert

Ellen, no! Stop it. I told you, don't touch him.

 

Ellen

What am I supposed to do?

 

Gilbert

Don't ever touch him again.

 

Ellen

He was climbing again.

 

Gilbert

I don't care. Just get outta here. Just get outta here! Let me see, buddy. Come on, let me see. Let me see. Oh, great. You made him bleed. Now, what does Gilbert say? That if anybody ever hits you, or even just lays a finger on you, what are you gonna do? Arnie? Hm? You're gonna tell me and then I'm gonna take care of it for you, right? And why will I take care of it?

 

Arnie

Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

Hm?

 

Arnie

'Cos you're Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

'Cos I'm Gilbert. Because nobody hurts Arnie, right? Okay. Wanna pick out some candy?

 

Amy

Can I talk to you for a minute?

 

Gilbert

What do you want?

 

Amy

We've got to keep a closer eye on him.

 

Gilbert

What?

 

Amy

We've gotta do better. Are you listening to me?

 

Arnie

Mine.

 

Amy

And you. . .

 

Arnie

Huh?

 

Amy

You have to stay here. You stay right on this porch. You don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere.

 

Arnie

Don't go anywhere. We're not going anywhere, Gilbert. We're not going anywhere, you know. We're not going anywhere. We're not going anywhere. We're not going. . . we're not going anywhere. We're not going anywhere. We're not going anywhere! Gilbert's not going anywhere. We're not going anywhere! We're not going anywhere. Where you going?

 

Mr Carver

Hey! I'm waiting. . . waiting for that call, Gilbert.

 

Becky

Hey! Hi, Gilbert. Oh, look, come here.

 

Gilbert

What?

 

Becky

It's a praying mantis.

 

Gilbert

Oh.

 

Becky

You know how they mate? The male will sneak up on the female and she'll bite off his head and the rest of his body'll keep on mating. And then when they're done. . . she'll eat him. She'll eat the rest of him. Grandma, we have company. So do you wanna eat?

 

Grandma

Help yourself.

 

Gilbert

Oh, thank you. Wow.

 

Grandma

Well, we missed the rally in Des Moines. If we get on the road by Friday, we'll make Colorado Springs in time to catch them. Have you ever been to Colorado?

 

Gilbert

No, ma'am.

 

Grandma

Ah. It must be wonderful.

 

Gilbert

It must be incredibly frustrating then, to be stuck here in this place - in Endora.

 

Becky

This place is as good a place as any.

 

Grandma

Think so? Well, she should know. Becky's been just about everywhere there is to go. Places I didn't even know existed.

 

Becky

I'm a worldly kind of girl.

 

Grandma

Me, I spent most of my whole life in the same spot. Why doesn't matter. Anyway she encouraged me to get out.

 

Becky

And now she can't stay put anywhere.

 

Grandma

She's the smartest, most beautiful girl in the world. Isn't she? Isn't she beautiful? Isn't she beautiful?

 

Becky

I'm sorry. She has this thing with beauty that. . .

 

Gilbert

Oh, yeah, I noticed that.

 

Becky

I'm not into that, that whole external beauty thing, you know. 'Cos it. . . it doesn't last.

 

Gilbert

Right.

 

Becky

Your. . . you know, eventually your face is gonna get wrinkly and you'll get gray hair.

 

Gilbert

Sure.

 

Becky

Your boobs might sag. You know. So what? It's what you do that really matters.

 

Gilbert

Mm-hm.

 

Becky

Right?

 

Gilbert

Yeah, sure.

 

Becky

So what do you wanna do?

 

Gilbert

Oh, I, I don't know. There's not so much to do here really.

 

Becky

Oh, you can think of one thing. Think of one thing that people do here.

 

Gilbert

Um. . .

 

Becky

Thank you. It was nice meeting you.

 

Gilbert

Be nice.

 

Becky

Hello.

 

Bobby & Tucker

Hi.

 

Becky

Can I have yours and I'll give you mine instead?

 

Todd Carver

No. No, he wants a big one.

 

Mrs Carver

You know something? The one on top of it is fine. That's, that's what. . .

 

Todd Carver

No, we want the big one.

 

Doug Carver

We want the big one.

 

Gilbert

Let's go.

 

Todd Carver

Come on, get us the big one. Come on, Mom, please.

 

Ellen

Here you go, guys.

 

Mrs Carver

I. . .

 

Doug Carver

We want the big one.

 

Mrs Carver

Yeah, that's fine.

 

Becky

Oh, it's changing. That's what's wild about the sunset. It'll just. . . change really, really slowly in front of your eyes. I love the sky.

 

Gilbert

Hm.

 

Becky

It's so. . . limitless.

 

Gilbert

It is big. It's very big.

 

Becky

Big doesn't even sum it up, right? That, that word 'big' is so small. You'd have to get those really giant words to describe the sky.

 

Gilbert

Oh, um. . .

 

Becky

What?

 

Gilbert

I have to go do this thing, it's kind of a family thing. Do you want me to give you a ride back, into town or do you wanna. . . ?

 

Becky

No, actually, I'm just gonna sit here.

 

Gilbert

I could come back. I mean, I can, I can come back then.

 

Becky

Really?

 

Gilbert

Yeah. Will you. . . You'll be here, okay?

 

Becky

Yeah.

 

Gilbert

All right.

 

Becky

I'll just sit here.

 

Gilbert

All right, I'll be, I'll be back in a little bit.

 

Becky

Okay.

 

Gilbert

Okay.

 

Arnie

Gilbert!

 

Gilbert

Hey, buddy, come on, gotta go. Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.

 

Arnie

Where's the duck?

 

Gilbert

There's the duck.

 

Arnie

I can't see the duck anywhere. Find him. Look, look, where's the duck?

 

Gilbert

Where's the duck?

 

Arnie

It's hiding.

 

Gilbert

Hm?

 

Arnie

Find the duck.

 

Gilbert

Arnie, I don't have time for this. Lift up. Okay, good.

 

Arnie

Duckie.

 

Gilbert

Good boy. You know what? You're such a big boy.

 

Arnie

Yeah.

 

Gilbert

You're such a big boy.

 

Arnie

I'm a big boy.

 

Gilbert

Well, you know what? I bet you could do this all by yourself if you really wanted to.

 

Arnie

Mm-hm.

 

Gilbert

Could you do this by yourself?

 

Arnie

I'm a big boy.

 

Gilbert

Yeah, be a big boy.

 

Arnie

Big boy.

 

Gilbert

Take this.

 

Arnie

Take this.

 

Gilbert

Wash everything. Your towels are there.

 

Arnie

Okay.

 

Gilbert

And your robe is there.

 

Arnie

Okay.

 

Gilbert

Okay.

 

Arnie

The big boy's gonna wash himself.

 

Gilbert

Right, okay, I gotta go.

 

Arnie

Okay.

 

Gilbert

Gotta go.

 

Becky

You missed it.

 

Gilbert

What'd I miss?

 

Becky

The sunset.

 

Gilbert

Really?

 

Becky

It was beautiful.

 

Gilbert

Oh. Oh, well.

 

Becky

I'd like to see where you live.

 

Gilbert

No, you wouldn't.

 

Becky

Let's go see where you live. Come on. My parents split up when I was a kid. I go back and forth between them. 'Cos they're always moving.

 

Gilbert

Mm.

 

Becky

But it's good. It's my life.

 

Gilbert

Yeah. We don't really move. I mean, we'd like to but. . . my mom is sort of attached to the house. Attached is, I guess, not the right word. She's pretty much wedged in.

 

Becky

What do you mean?

 

Gilbert

That's it. That's the house. It's really amazing. I mean, how small it looks from here considering the. . . the girth of what's inside of it. I don't know. Did you ever see a beached whale. . . on the television?

 

Becky

Yeah.

 

Gilbert

Yeah. That's her. That's my mom.

 

Becky

What about your dad?

 

Gilbert

Uh. . . some other day. Some other day. I had a nice time, tonight.

 

Becky

I know. Good night.

 

Gilbert

Night. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, Arnie, come on. I'm sorry, buddy. Come on. Um. . . here, here. You're okay, you're okay. You're okay. You're okay, buddy. Come on, get warm. Oh, God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, buddy. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

 

Momma

Would somebody please explain?

 

Ellen

Gilbert's in charge of bathing.

 

Arnie

I could've drowned. I could've drownded! No more baths.

 

Momma

But you didn't, honey. You could've, but you didn't.

 

Arnie

No more baths, Momma.

 

Momma

Is it too much to ask to see this boy turn eighteen?

 

Gilbert

No.

 

Amy

It's ready!

 

Momma

Where's your head lately, Gilbert? Where is your head? Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

Sorry, Momma.

 

Momma

Well, sorry isn't good enough. We've gotta do better.

 

Arnie

We've gotta do better.

 

Gilbert

Hey, boss, is that the right price?

 

Mr Lamson

That's right.

 

Gilbert

Seems like it ought to be more.

 

Mr Lamson

Maybe at Foodland. But we've always had a reasonable deal on pickles.

 

Mrs Lamson

Here.

 

Mr Lamson

Gilbert, got a delivery for you, son.

 

Mrs Lamson

Sounds urgent.

 

Mrs Carver

Er, get out. Go outside and play right now.

 

Todd Carver

But. . .

 

Mrs Carver

Right now! Hurry up.

 

Gilbert

Hi, Betty.

 

Mrs Carver

Hi. Gilbert, could you dial that number over there for me? My hands are all...

 

Gilbert

Oh, yeah, sure.

 

Mrs Carver

How've you been?

 

Gilbert

Good.

 

Mrs Carver

I saw you last night.

 

Gilbert

Mm.

 

Mrs Carver

Who's the girl?

 

Gilbert

It's ringing.

 

Mrs Carver

Mm, okay. Sorry, one sec. This is good. Taste.

 

Gilbert

Mm, it's good. It's, er, ringing.

 

Mrs Carver

One sec.

 

Mr Carver

Hello, Ken Carver here. Carver Insurance.

 

Mr Carver (phone)

Hello? Hello?

 

Gilbert

Mr Carver?

 

Mr Carver (phone)

Who is this?

 

Gilbert

Uh... it's Gilbert.

 

Mr Carver

Gilbert.

 

Mr Carver (phone)

I'd given up on you, Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

Oh, did you?

 

Mr Carver (phone)

Well, yeah. Can you blame me?

 

Gilbert

No. No!

 

Mr Carver

I mean, how many times do I have to ask and still no visit?

 

Gilbert

Well, I'm here now.

 

Mrs Carver

Happy anniversary.

 

Mr Carver

Well, we can't discuss this over the phone. I think it's best we meet man to man, don't you agree?

 

Gilbert

Yes.

 

Mr Carver (phone)

Today is your lucky day.

 

Mr Carver

I've just had a cancellation. What about right now? Are you free?

 

Gilbert

Aah.

 

Mr Carver

Is that a yes, Gilbert?

 

Mr Carver (phone)

Huh?

 

Gilbert

Okay.

 

Mr Carver (phone)

All right.

 

Mr Carver

I'm gonna be here waiting for you.

 

Gilbert

Bye. Do you want me to be killed? Do you want him to kill me?

 

Mrs Carver

I'm just playing. Don't. . . don't you wanna play?

 

Gilbert

This is crazy. I uh. . . I've gotta go.

 

Mrs Carver

You don't have to go.

 

Gilbert

Yes, I do.

 

Mrs Carver

Hey. It's that new girl, isn't it?

 

Gilbert

No, it's your husband. He wants me to come to his office right now.

 

Mrs Carver

If you walk out that door. . . don't you dare walk out that door.

 

Mr Carver

You look nervous, Gilbert. I'd be nervous too, if I were you. If I were in your situation, I'd be downright panicky. I reviewed your file. You've got no major medical insurance. No catastrophic. No life. Gilbert. . . what if something were to happen to you? Something. . . unforeseeable. Something. . . sudden, random. And accident, maybe. What about your family? Do you ever think about your family? Stop thinking about yourself, think about them. You don't wanna leave them empty-handed. Ken Carver here. Oh, look, can't this wait? I'm in the middle. . . Look, Betty, please, calm down. Calm down. No, no, I. . . Don't go on. Go on, go on. No. No. Uh. . . Uh-huh. No, no. Calm. . . I'll. . . I'm on my way. Troubles at home. I'm sure you understand. Oh, damn. Betty's got the car. Gilbert, would you give me a ride? Oh, my God! Betty, what the hell's going on here? Todd, Doug! Betty, what is going on here? I don't believe this. Oh, great! Oh, cookies. Boys, come on, let's. . . Let's go show your mom the cookies that she's baked for us. This is great. All right. Everything's okay. Look, honey, they're fine. They taste fine. A little burnt on top, but just fine. They're wonderful. Boys, here, have some of Mom's cookies. They're really good. Here, come on, boys. Make your mother happy. Make your mom happy, have some cookies. Please, please, have some.

 

Mrs Carver

Hey. I could've had any guy. Any guy. But. . .

 

Mr Carver

Doug, come over here.

 

Mrs Carver

I chose you.

 

Mr Carver

It is a pool, son.

 

Mrs Carver

I chose you.

 

Mr Carver

I got you a real pool for God's sake. Look, there's water in here. Come here, come here. Come here. Get inside the pool. Get inside this pool with your brother. Come here.

 

Gilbert

Why did you?

 

Mr Carver

Get inside the pool. Yeah, look, real water, boys. Okay, so. . . so I don't, don't give everything.

 

Mrs Carver

Because. . .

 

Mr Carver

But God, I give you all I have, for Christ's sake.

 

Mrs Carver

. . .I knew you'd always be there. Because. . . because I knew you'd never leave.

 

Mr Carver

What the hell else more do you want? What? For God's sake! Son, get back in the pool. Get back in the pool. We're all gonna enjoy it. It's a lot of fun, isn't it? I'm doing the best I can here. I can't do any better. I can't give any more. I've given enough already.

 

Man on TV

I, I, I guess maybe I'd better be getting off.

 

Woman on TV

No, not yet.

 

Amy

Arnie.

 

Momma

Move, Amy.

 

Woman on TV

All my life I'll wonder. . . 'Where is he?' Where, just this moment, just now? What is he looking at? What is he thinking?

 

Amy

I think it's time for Arnie to take a bath.

 

Arnie

No.

 

Momma

Ssh.

 

Amy

Don't you think it's time for Arnie to take a bath, Gilbert?

 

Gilbert

Just let him stink.

 

Arnie

I don't wanna take a bath, no.

 

Ellen

You know Mr Carver?

 

Amy

Ssh.

 

Ellen

Well, he's dead.

 

Arnie

Dead.

 

Woman

Okay, kids, hurry up. Let's go.

 

Tucker

Hey.

 

Gilbert

Hey.

 

Officer 1

See anything under there?

 

Officer 2

No.

 

Officer 1

Check that.

 

Gilbert

What's going on?

 

Tucker

He drowned.

 

Gilbert

You're kidding?

 

Tucker

No. In that.

 

Gilbert

Oh.

 

Tucker

A kiddy pool. I don't get it.

 

Gilbert

Wow.

 

Tucker

It's like one foot deep. Weird, right?

 

Gilbert

Yeah.

 

Arnie

He drownded!

 

Gilbert

Ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh. Come on. Hey, ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh.

 

Bobby

He had the cardiac arrest. . . his head bent forward, his knees buckled, and then he just. . . fell. . . face forward into the pool. When she found him he was already dead.

 

Tucker

That's what we don't know. That's what nobody knows.

 

Bobby

No, I know it. I would. . .

 

Tucker

And how. . . ?

 

Bobby

I saw the. . . I saw the body. I saw the. . . I prepared it. I know what exactly. . . I would have seen. . . I would have seen what. . .

 

Tucker

You...

 

Bobby

. . .if there was any kind of struggle that had gone on.

 

Tucker

It was murder.

 

Bobby

No.

 

Tucker

What do you think? What do you think?

 

Gilbert

I, uh. . . I don't know. I, uh. . . you know, it's, it's possible

 

Tucker

Bob, we're talking about thousands and thousands of dollars.

 

Bobby

If she saw. . .

 

Tucker

She doesn't have to work.

 

Bobby

Even if she did want to do it. . .

 

Tucker

She doesn't have to work for the rest of her life.

 

Bobby

Even if she did. . . She. . . If, if you saw somebody laying with their head down in a pool, motionless. . . Or even if they were kind of limply doing that, which he wasn't doing. But even if they. . .

 

Tucker

How do you know that?

 

Bobby

Well, it, he, it was an extreme, er, postcardial infarction. Extreme.

 

Tucker

So nothing's fishy?

 

Bobby

N. . . no!

 

Tucker

Nothing about this is. . .

 

Arnie

Hey, Gilbert, look it's that girl! Gilbert, that girl!

 

Bobby

It's perfectly logical, even if it's. . . Wait a minute. Tucker, if you. . .

 

Tucker

No. We're not talking about taking a gun. . .

 

Bobby

If she was. . .

 

Arnie

Hi.

 

Becky

Hi. Hi, Arnie.

 

Arnie

Hi. Please, please, play with me over there.

 

Becky

Okay.

 

Arnie

Please. Come on, let's play over there.

 

Gilbert

Arnie. Arnie. Hi, how're you doing?

 

Becky

Fine.

 

Arnie

Play over there!

 

Becky

Okay.

 

Arnie

Will you play?

 

Becky

Okay, we'll play.

 

Gilbert

Ssh, ssh, ssh, settle down.

 

Arnie

We're gonna play.

 

Gilbert

Okay. Okay, ssh.

 

Becky

Will you give us a ride?

 

Gilbert

Uh, yeah, yeah. So that's it.

 

Becky

Yeah, I guess so.

 

Gilbert

The magic part.

 

Arnie

Magic part? Magic part, Gilbert? Hey, can we go. . . ?

 

Becky

Grandma, here it is.

 

Grandma

Oh, thanks.

 

Arnie

We're gonna go play, now? What are we gonna play?

 

Gilbert

Hi.

 

Grandma

Hi.

 

Arnie

Hide and go seek?

 

Grandma

Gilbert. Would you give me some help?

 

Gilbert

Yeah, go ahead. Hang on one second.

 

Grandma

Okay.

 

Gilbert

Try it.

 

Grandma

I don't know.

 

Gilbert

Yeah, I don't know. I don't, uh. . . It's a mystery.

 

Grandma

Gilbert, listen, thanks anyway.

 

Gilbert

No problem.

 

Becky

Come play with me in the water.

 

Arnie

You can't find me. You can't find me anywhere. Say, say, "Where's Arnie?" Say that.

 

Becky

No, I want you to come in with me.

 

Arnie

No. Say, "Where's Arnie?" Say, "Where's Arnie?" Say that.

 

Becky

Where's Arnie?

 

Arnie

You can't find me! Say it again. Hi! Say it again, and you've got to look for me around.

 

Becky

I wanted you to swim with me, Arnie.

 

Gilbert

Don't even try, 'cos he's, he's had a scare with water, and he won't, won't come in.

 

Arnie

I'm not coming in the water.

 

Becky

You wanna come in the water?

 

Gilbert

No.

 

Becky

Why not? Are you scared to come in the water?

 

Gilbert

No, no.

 

Becky

Are you sure?

 

Gilbert

I'm sure.

 

Arnie

He's scared. Are you scared, Gilbert?

 

Gilbert

All right, what do you wanna see? Do you wanna see..? Do you wanna see me get wet a little like this?

 

Becky

Yeah.

 

Gilbert

A little splash, like this?

 

Becky

A little more.

 

Gilbert

You wanna see this? Like this, right? Huh? Are you happy?

 

Becky

Tell me what you want, as fast as it comes to you.

 

Gilbert

Uh. . .

 

Becky

Okay?

 

Gilbert

Okay.

 

Becky

What do you want? Faster.

 

Gilbert

Okay. I wanna new thing. House. I wanna new house, for the family. I want uh. . . I want Momma to take aerobics classes. I want Ellen to grow up. I want a new brain for Arnie. I want. . .

 

Becky

What do you want for you? Just for you.

 

Gilbert

I wanna be a good person. I can't. I can't do this. I can't.

 

Becky

Okay.

 

Gilbert

Where's Arnie? Arnie? Excuse me, ma'am. Have you seen my brother?

 

Grandma

No.

 

Gilbert

Shit.

 

Arnie

I'll not get bored of that. Who-o-a! Oh, no! Hey!

 

Sheriff

Come on.

 

Arnie

Hey! Gilbert, right here.

 

Sheriff

Back off, son. Come on, now.

 

Arnie

I did it again!

 

Rescuer

All right, here we go. There you go.

 

Gilbert

It's all right, Jerry, I got him. I get him, Jerry.

 

Sheriff

We're taking him in.

 

Gilbert

It's not gonna happen again. I promise.

 

Sheriff

We've warned you, we've warned your sister, that the next time is gonna be the last time.

 

Arnie

Flash the lights and play the siren, okay? Play the siren for me.

 

Ellen

Way to go, Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

Jerry, listen, you're gonna, you're gonna have to take it easy on him.

 

Sheriff

We'll take care of him.

 

Gilbert

You don't believe me? You gotta keep an eye on him. You gotta watch him.

 

Sheriff

All right. All right.

 

Arnie

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Oh, do the siren, do the siren, okay? Do the siren, all right?

 

Gilbert

I know, Sheriff. I know that, Sheriff. Okay. Asshole.

 

Ellen

They're probably just teaching him a lesson, they're probably just proving a point.

 

Amy

Yeah, that's right.

 

Momma

Get my coat.

 

Amy

What?

 

Momma

Get my coat. Get it. Let's go.

 

Ellen

Well, at least he's in a safe place. At least someone's watching him.

 

Amy

Ellen, shut up.

 

Gilbert

You guys wait here. I'll be right back.

 

Amy

Momma. Momma, let Gilbert handle this.

 

Gilbert

Jerry, come on, please.

 

Police Secretary

Please, have a seat outside.

 

Gilbert

Please, you gotta let him out.

 

Officer

You've to wait your turn, okay.

 

Gilbert

I don't think you guys understand. It's gonna. . .

 

Officer

Look, no-one's going to do a thing until you go and sit down outside. . .

 

Momma

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry. Jerry, I've come for my son.

 

Man (on Phone)

Sheriff. Sheriff, are you there?

 

Sheriff

Bonnie, you'll need to fill out some papers.

 

Momma

No! No!

 

Sheriff

Police procedure req. . .

 

Momma

I want my boy, Jerry.

 

Sheriff

But, Bonnie, you have to. . .

 

Momma

My son! Give me my son!

 

Officer

Come on. You're going home.

 

Momma

Sunshine, you're free! Oh, baby. Don't disappear like that any more.

 

Arnie

Okay.

 

Momma

Promise me.

 

Arnie

Ma. . .

 

Momma

You're free, baby, you're free. Let's go home.

 

Arnie

Hi! Look!

 

Child 1

That's why she needs a cane.

 

Child 2

She's enormous.

 

Child 3

Look at her.

 

Arnie

Momma, they didn't flash the lights for me either. Flash the lights. Hey! Look at me! I'm hiding. Say, say, "Where's Arnie?" Say it like that.

 

Gilbert

Arnie, get down.

 

Arnie

Gilbert, come find me. "Where's Arnie?" Hey. That's my mom in there. My momma. You wanna come play with me up here? Wanna come play with me?

 

Becky

God, that was so brave what your mother did. You know that, right?

 

Gilbert

Mm.

 

Becky

I'd like to meet her.

 

Gilbert

No, you wouldn't. Hey, where do you go next? Hm?

 

Becky

I would like to meet your mom.

 

Vicar

. . .in sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life, we commend to Almighty God, our brother Kenneth Carver. And we commit his body to the ground. Earth to earth. . . ashes to ashes. . . and dust to dust. The Lord bless him and keep him. The Lord make his face shine on him and be gracious to him. The Lord look upon him with favour. . . and give him peace. Lord Jesus, by your death you took away the sting of death. Grant to us your servants to do follow in faith. . .

 

Arnie

Hey!

 

Vicar

. . .when he hath led the way. . .

 

Arnie

Hey!

 

Vicar

. . .that we may at length fall asleep. . .

 

Arnie

Look at here!

 

Vicar

. . .peacefully in you. . .

 

Arnie

Look at here!

 

Vicar

. . .Made from your likeness. . .

 

Arnie

Look what's coming!

 

Vicar

The God of peace who brought again. . .

 

Arnie

Look, look it's coming!

 

Vicar

. . .our Lord, Jesus Christ. . .

 

Arnie

It's here. Look, Gilbert.

 

Vicar

. . .the great shepherd of the sheep. . .

 

Arnie

It's here.

 

Vicar

. . .through the blood of the everlasting covenant. . .

 

Arnie

It's a Burger Barn, Gilbert!

 

Vicar

. . .may be perfect in every. . .

 

Arnie

It's a Burger Barn.

 

Vicar

. . .good work to do his will. . .

 

Arnie

Gilbert, it's a Burger Barn.

 

Vicar

. . .working in that which is well pleasing in his sight.

 

Arnie

Burger Barn!

 

Vicar

Through Jesus Christ. Amen.

 

Arnie

Hey.

 

Mrs Carver

Boys, you can have anything you want.

 

Arnie

You could get candy if you want. You can have candy if you want, too.

 

Mrs Carver

As for me, something with menthol, please.

 

Arnie

You like gum? Do you like gum? I like gum. Here's a good kind, here. Take this, you can have it.

 

Gilbert

Here.

 

Arnie

Take it. Take it. You want gum, too?

 

Mrs Carver

We're going to St.Louis. I can't stand that house.

 

Arnie

My friends.

 

Gilbert

I really am sorry about your hu. . .

 

Mrs Carver

Ssh. Here, Mommy'll take care of it. You run on outside. Everybody thinks I killed him. Do you?

 

Gilbert

No.

 

Mrs Carver

I miss him. And I don't. I miss him and I don't. So, Gilbert. . . what's to become of you?

 

Gilbert

Oh, I'll. . . probably just. . .

 

Mrs Carver

You haven't thought about it. Poor Gilbert. All cooped up. Taking care of everybody else, forgetting all about you.

 

Todd Carver

Mommy.

 

Mrs Carver

Mm, Mommy is coming in a minute, honey.

 

Todd Carver

Okay.

 

Mrs Carver

Concerning my boys. . . I was thinking that if my boys turn out anything like you. . .

 

Becky

Hi.

 

Mrs Carver

I was thinking how that would be nice. . . for my boys to be like you. He's all yours.

 

Becky

Are you gonna miss her?

 

Gilbert

Yeah.

 

Becky

Good.

 

Grandma

Damn it.

 

Tucker

So? What do you think?

 

Gilbert

Wow.

 

Tucker

Right?

 

Arnie

Wow.

 

Tucker

Right? Here, try a milkshake.

 

Arnie

Mm.

 

Tucker

Real milk in there.

 

Gilbert

Mm. You're kidding?

 

Tucker

Real milk. Bob. Oh, Bob.

 

Bobby

Hey! Congratulations. This looks great.

 

Tucker

Thanks, Bob. Yeah, thanks. Thanks a million.

 

Bobby

What?

 

Tucker

Are you trying to depress everybody? You're gonna ruin everyone's appetite.

 

Arnie

Hey, hey. Mike, right? You wanna come to my party tomorrow? I'm gonna be eighteen years old. You wanna come? You can come too, if you want to. I don't know you, but you can come.

 

Burger Barn Man

How nice to see so many of you here on this great day. This day marks the beginning of a new era for Endora, for the Burger Barn family, and, I hope, for all of you. We at Burger Barn are committed. . . to a very special relationship with you. One that will last and last.

 

Gilbert

Hi.

 

Burner Barn Man

At a time when so many things are falling apart, Endora decides to give Burger Barn a chance, a new breath of life.

 

Becky

She fixed it.

 

Burger Barn Man

Now the mayor will cut the ribbon.

 

Becky

The camper's fixed. And we're gonna be leaving tomorrow.

 

Tucker

Whoo!

 

Arnie

Come on! Please come to my party tomorrow, okay? You can come.

 

Becky

Okay.

 

Arnie

Hey!

 

Grandma

Hi, Arnie.

 

Becky

So, I'm invited.

 

Gilbert

Okay.

 

Becky

Do you not want me to go?

 

Gilbert

No, I mean. . . Go, if you want.

 

Becky

Oh, so this is. . . Is this how you want it?

 

Gilbert

I have to go. Take care, okay?

 

Becky

Goodbye, Arnie.

 

Arnie

Oh, no.

 

Gilbert

Come on, let's get that bath.

 

Arnie

No. No!

 

Momma

Hey, Arnie. Arnie!

 

Amy

Arnie!

 

Gilbert

Arnie.

 

Momma

You gotta take a bath, Arnie.

 

Gilbert

Arnie.

 

Arnie

Whoo!

 

Gilbert

Arnie, you gotta do it, it's your birthday.

 

Amy

Argh! Arnie!

 

Momma

Oh, no.

 

Amy

Damn it!

 

Momma

Arnie, no.

 

Arnie

Uh-oh.

 

Momma

Oh, God.

 

Amy

I can't make another one, I can't. We have to have a cake, Gilbert.

 

Tannoy

Attention, Foodland shoppers, remember every day this week is a double-coupon day.

 

Assistant

Can I help you?

 

Gilbert

Uh, yeah. Er, my sister called in an order for Grape.

 

Assistant

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's inside. There you go. That'll be nineteen-seventy-five.

 

Gilbert

Go away, Arnie.

 

Arnie

Gilbert, what's in there?

 

Gilbert

It's a surprise. Leave it alone.

 

Arnie

But. . . What's in that box?

 

Gilbert

If you touch it, I'm gonna kill you.

 

Amy

I can't believe you.

 

Momma

Look, I'll enjoy the party from in here. It'll be fine. I have faith. Everything'll be just fine.

 

Amy

What am I supposed to say to people? I mean, it's Arnie's eighteenth birthday. Haven't you been waiting to do this for a long time? Wasn't it you that wanted to have this huge party in the first place? I didn't want to.

 

Momma

Damn it.

 

Amy

I can't believe you. Arnie!

 

Momma

Oh, man.

 

Ellen

He's eating the cake! Arnie!

 

Amy

That's it. Forget it.

 

Ellen

Nice job, Arnie.

 

Gilbert

Arnie!

 

Momma

What are we gonna do?

 

Gilbert

Arnie! Arnie. Come here. Come here! Do you know what that fucking cost? Do you know what I had to do to get that? Come on. No, no, it's time for your bath. Get in the bathtub. Get your clothes off.

 

Arnie

Uh-uh.

 

Gilbert

Get 'em off! You little shit. Come here. Get in that bath.

 

Arnie

No, Gilbert, no.

 

Gilbert

Get your fucking clothes off!

 

Arnie

No.

 

Gilbert

Come on.

 

Arnie

No. Gilbert! No!

 

Gilbert

Don't move. Don't move!

 

Arnie

Gilbert, stop!

 

Gilbert

Come on. Ow!

 

Momma

Gilbert! What did you do?

 

Arnie

Momma! Momma.

 

Momma

Arnie? Arnie! What is going on?

 

Amy

Don't worry, Momma. Ellen, let's go.

 

Grandma

We should call his mother.

 

Becky

No, no, no, it's okay. I know, I know where he lives. I can take him. It's really okay, yeah. Arnie, you wanna go for a walk? You wanna go play, Arnie? Come on, Arnie.

 

Arnie

I don't want to.

 

Becky

Merrily, merrily. . . come on Arnie, you can do it. Come on, Arnie, you can do it. Come on.

 

Arnie

Merrily, merrily. Sing that.

 

Becky

Okay. Row, row. . .

 

Becky & Arnie

. . .row your boat, gently down the stream. . .

 

Becky

Yay! Yay! You did it!

 

Arnie

Whoa!

 

Becky

Good job, Arnie. You did it. It's nice, see?

 

Arnie

Yeah. Nice.

 

Becky

So, I'll see you in a little bit, okay?

 

Grandma

Okay.

 

Becky

Come on.

 

Arnie

Bye.

 

Grandma

Bye, Arnie. You take care.

 

Arnie

I drownded, huh? I drownded over there.

 

Becky

No, you just got clean.

 

Amy

Arnie!

 

Becky

So he's clean now, you guys.

 

Amy

Good boy.

 

Becky

Night.

 

Amy

Bye. Thank you so much.

 

Becky

You're welcome.

 

Gilbert

I hit him. I hit him so hard, I. . .

 

Becky

He's gonna be okay.

 

Gilbert

You don't hurt Arnie. You just don't. I gotta go. I gotta go. I got nowhere to go. I had to work extra hours just to feed her.

 

Becky

So it's your fault?

 

Gilbert

You don't understand. She was in shock for years. He disappeared. He didn't say goodbye. He just, er. . . one day. . . all of a sudden. . . he was gone. He was just hanging there. That's when it all started. She used to be so pretty. She was so pretty and so. . . fun.

 

Becky

So you think it's his fault?

 

Gilbert

No. Nobody knew what he felt. He didn't. . . give anything. He was just sort of there. You'd try to play with him, you know, get him to play around. Get him to laugh or get him to smile or get him to. . . I don't know - get mad. But. . . nothing. Just like, er, he was already dead.

 

Becky

I used to know a guy like that.

 

Gilbert

Hey.

 

Becky

Hi.

 

Gilbert

It's Arnie's birthday. I need to go home.

 

Man

Give my regards to your mother.

 

Amy

I certainly will.

 

Ellen

Amy, look who's here.

 

Tucker

Where you been? You all right?

 

Gilbert

Yeah.

 

Bobby

He's alive!

 

Gilbert

Amy. Where's Arnie? Amy. Please, Amy. Is he okay?

 

Amy

I think you'd better ask him that yourself.

 

Gilbert

Where is he?

 

Amy

I wonder where he could be?

 

Gilbert

Amy? Have you seen Arnie?

 

Amy

Um. . . no, I thought he was with you.

 

Gilbert

No.

 

Amy

No?

 

Gilbert

Arnie? Arnie? Anybody seen Arnie? Where's my brother?

 

Arnie

Boo!

 

Gilbert

Boo. Come here. You scared me, buddy. You scared Gilbert. Don't scare Gilbert, okay?

 

Arnie

Don't scare Gilbert, okay?

 

Gilbert

Okay. Uh-oh. Come here.

 

Arnie

I've got you.

 

Gilbert

Ow. Ow.

 

Amy

You better talk to Momma.

 

Gilbert

Momma? Momma.

 

Momma

What you did was. . . He's a helpless boy, Gilbert. And then disappearing like that. I hate that. You know how I hate that. You walked out and I thought, "I can't take another." But you came back, Gilbert. Why? Why did you?

 

Gilbert

I don't know, Momma. I'm here now. I'm here now.

 

Momma

Yes, you are. You came back for the party. Oh, Gilbert. I can't imagine how it's been for you kids. I know what a burden I am.

 

Gilbert

Don't say that.

 

Momma

I know it. And I know that you're ashamed of me.

 

Gilbert

No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

 

Momma

I never, never meant to be like this. I never wanted to be a joke.

 

Gilbert

You're no joke, Momma.

 

Momma

I never wanted to be.

 

Gilbert

You're no joke. You're no joke, Momma.

 

Momma

Oh, Gilbert, please don't disappear. Please don't disappear.

 

Bobby

You're really growing up to be quite a. . . a young lady.

 

Ellen

Thanks.

 

Bobby

Hey. Hi.

 

Gilbert

Hey.

 

Tucker

I don't want to rain on the day here, but you have a serious foundation problem. You see how this. . . the porch is slanted right here? I mean, this is a serious problem, Gilbert. We need to get up underneath here. First of all we need to fill this in so no more water collects here. And then we probably. . . What?

 

Gilbert

Hi.

 

Becky

Hi.

 

Grandma

Hello, Gilbert.

 

Gilbert

Nana. You ready?

 

Becky

For what?

 

Gilbert

I want you to. . . I want you to come meet somebody.

 

Becky

Okay.

 

Arnie

Hey!

 

Becky

Hi, Arnie.

 

Arnie

Hi.

 

Becky

Here's your present.

 

Arnie

Oh.

 

Gilbert

Arnie, what do you say?

 

Arnie

Thank you.

 

Gilbert

Momma. Momma, I want you to meet somebody.

 

Momma

No.

 

Gilbert

Please. Just this once, for me.

 

Becky

Gilbert, it's okay. We can do it later.

 

Gilbert

No, this is what I want. Do it for me, please. This is different. Nobody's gonna laugh. I'm not gonna hurt you any more, Momma. I promise. Please.

 

Momma

Okay.

 

Gilbert

Okay. Becky. Momma, this is Becky.

 

Momma

Hello.

 

Becky

Hi.

 

Momma

I haven't always been like this.

 

Becky

I haven't always been like this.

 

Arnie

I'm called a miracle.

 

Grandma

You're a miracle?

 

Arnie

I'm a miracle.

 

Amy

A walking miracle.

 

Grandma

I can believe that.

 

Arnie

Bye.

 

Grandma

Goodbye, Arnie.

 

Arnie

Bye.

 

Grandma

You take care.

 

Becky

I had a really nice time.

 

Gilbert

I know. I don't know what to say.

 

Arnie

Say thank you, Gilbert. Say thank you.

 

Gilbert

Thank you.

 

Arnie

Goodbye.

 

Becky

No, it's not goodbye, Arnie.

 

Arnie

It's good night. Good night. . . Good night to you, but not me. Thanks for coming. Bye. Wait.

 

Amy

Momma? Momma, what are you doing?

 

Momma

Amy? Amy.

 

Amy

You rest, Momma. You deserve to rest.

 

Momma

Amy, get me my birthday boy.

 

Amy

Okay.

 

Momma

I want my birthday boy.

 

Gilbert

There you go, Momma. There's the water.

 

Momma

Gilbert. You're my knight in shimmering armour. Did you know that?

 

Gilbert

I think you mean 'shining'.

 

Momma

No. . . shimmering. You shimmer and you glow.

 

Gilbert

You rest, okay? Get some sleep.

 

Arnie

Hey! Momma! Momma! Momma! Wake up! You're hiding, huh? I know that. Wake up! Momma, wake up! Hm. Momma, stop it now! Stop, Momma! Stop it!

 

Amy

Arnie. Arnie? Arnie. What's wrong? Stop it. Ssh. Gilbert! Gilbert!

 

Gilbert

Arnie? What's wrong? Come on. Come on. What's wrong with you, buddy? What's wrong?

 

Sheriff

I'm gonna need some more men, Amy.

 

Arnie

Hey, flash your lights. Flash 'em.

 

Voice on Radio

We may need the National Guard to move her out of there.

 

Sheriff

I'm sorry about that.

 

Gilbert

It's gonna take a crane to get her out.

 

Ellen

There's gonna be a crowd. I just know there's gonna be a crowd.

 

Amy

She's so beautiful.

 

Gilbert

She's no joke. She's no joke. I'm not gonna let her be a joke. Arnie. We're gonna need your help.

 

Arnie

Gilbert, is that them?

 

Gilbert

No. No, not yet.

 

Arnie

When are they gonna come?

 

Gilbert

Pretty soon. Pretty soon.

 

Gilbert (voice)

My brother, Arnie's about to turn nineteen. Nineteen.

 

Arnie

Gilbert. Look there.

 

Gilbert (voice)

Amy got a job offer to manage a bakery in Des Moines.

 

Arnie

Is that them?

 

Gilbert

Yeah, that's them.

 

Gilbert (voice)

Ellen can't wait to switch schools. Arnie asked if we're gonna go too, and I said, "Well. . . we can go anywhere. . . if we want."

 

Arnie

Becky?

 

Gilbert (voice)

We can go anywhere.

 

Arnie

Becky's coming, huh, Gilbert?

 

Gilbert

Yeah. She's coming.

 

Arnie

Becky! Come on. Come on, Gilbert. Whoo-oo!

 

Becky

Hey!

 

Arnie

Hi.

 

Becky

Hi.

 

Arnie

Hi. Hi! How are you?

 

Becky

I'm fine.

 

Arnie

Hi.

 

Becky

How are you?

 

THE END

 

TO INDEX SCRIPTS